feeling like a failure of a mommy

I'm sitting here typing this listening to my poor ds cry. He is in his crib and HATES it, he can't stand it and wants to sleep in his swing. At his last doctors visit they told us to try breaking the habit and it is killing me, I have tried soothing him in the crib, rocking him to sleep and then putting him down and even letting him fall asleep in it first and then going in the crib and nothing has worked. DH is asleep as he goes to work much earlier than me, and how he is sleeping through it I don't know.

On top of that, I posted here last night as well, DS will not lift his head during tummy time. He seems to have good control when I hold him over my shoulder but cries bloody murder during tummy time and wil not lift his head at all. He is ten weeks and I'm getting worried. We have a plan to try five times a day for a total of a half hour a day in hopes this will help but I just can't imagine all of a sudden one day he will do it....he is large for his age at almost 16 pounds and some friends have said larger babies sometimes have a more difficult time but from what I posted here, sounds like my son is a bit behind.....I don't know all of this is making me wonder whether I am ever going to be a good mother, and making me question whether my mistakes have caused this, too much time in swing, not enough tummy time sooner....just upset tonight....

Message edited 3/17/2008 10:35:16 PM.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

You care about your son - that is evident from your post. And that alone tells me that you are not a bad mother. Letting your son sleep in a swing doesn't make you a failure! You did what worked! We all did! My kids slept IN MY BED with me until a year and a half ago!!!

And it sounds like maybe he just doesn't like tummy time and is kind of not even attempting to lift his head - infant protest!!

If the doctor didn't say there was a problem with his head control - then I am sure he is fine!

And you will be too. Hang in there.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

You are not a failure!!


My DS HATED tummy time--I never forced it b/c it was "painful" (theoretically) for him and me!

We did not have o deal with any transition to the crib, as DS has been in the crib since 2 wks. But knowing what a few other ladies on here have gone thru w/ the transition, I wish you luck.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

First of all, you have only been a mom for 10 weeks! Please don't beat yourself up
He is too young right now to cry it out but letting him cry a little is OK too.
As far as tummy time is concerned, try it for a minute at a time, don't worry about getting in the full half hour right away. You need to take little steps with this. At first he will not like it but once his little neck muscles get stronger, he will love it because he can see stuff!

You are doing a great job

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

I felt like a total failure until DS turned 10 weeks. Don't worry. Do the best you can. It will pay off. Really!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Don't be so hard on yourself! It's so tough in the beginning to figure everything out.

Honestly, most babies hate tummy time and scream bloody murder during it. The fact that your son doesn't lift his head at 10 weeks should not cause you concern. My DD gave me such a hard time with tummy time---at this point, I don't even remember when she lifted her head. I was always thinking that she was behind; she did everything in her own time though and today she is a healthy 17-month-old.

Very much like your DS, my DD slept in her vibrating chair for months. We weaned her of it after some protest but we got there. No-one says you have to do it overnight. I would try putting DS in the crib for naps as a starting point.

Hang in there!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Posted by rojerono



You care about your son - that is evident from your post. And that alone tells me that you are not a bad mother.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

My DD hates tummy time too. She is the same as your DS in that she refuses to pick her head up but when I am holding her sitting up she can hold her head up. I'm sure you are a great mommy!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

I'm sure you are a good mommy--the fact that you are concerned enough to post says something!

Most babies don't like tummy time. I read over and over that they will love it, so when DS screamed, I thought it was odd that he didn't like it. We eased him into it. I put him on my tummy, and held him, and he seemed to like that better. Then later, we rolled him over while on his playmat for a few minutes. When he started to sound upset or frustrated, we rolled him over again. You don't need to do half an hour a day, a few minutes here and there makes a big difference. Now he can lift his head more and doesn't hate tummy time as much.

I wouldn't worry about any of this too much. At 10 weeks, he is still very young and will pick these things up.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

ten weeks ago, he was still living in your belly...its all new to him.

My kid only wanted my arms...at night he would go into his crib for a few hours at a time..but never during the day.

Tummy time was terrible, till I let him do it without a diaper on, then he did not mind it at all.

you are doing great, your baby is doing great.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Don't worry about it! He sounds absolutely fine! Remember that 10 weeks ago he was all nicely tucked up inside your belly, a big strange open crib is scary! Give him some more time! He will get used to it. And tummy time, well, its over rated! I never did any tummy time with my son and he stood up and walked at 10.5 months!!! It doesn't mean anything at all. Don't compare your child to anyone elses, thats setting yourself up for a fall! Just enjoy him being a baby, and if you are overwhelmed, ask for help!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Your DS is only 10 weeks! These things will come with time, don't worry. They all develop at their own rates. DD is 5 1/2 months and STILL isn't thrilled about rolling over or holding herself in a sitting position but yet has had excellent head control since the first day she was born. Who knows! They have their own agenda. BUT you should know that you are a wonderful Mommy-it's hard work, go easier on yourself.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Posted by racheeeee

Don't worry about it! He sounds absolutely fine! Remember that 10 weeks ago he was all nicely tucked up inside your belly, a big strange open crib is scary! Give him some more time! He will get used to it. And tummy time, well, its over rated! I never did any tummy time with my son and he stood up and walked at 10.5 months!!! It doesn't mean anything at all. Don't compare your child to anyone elses, thats setting yourself up for a fall! Just enjoy him being a baby, and if you are overwhelmed, ask for help!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

First off, the fact that you are concerned about your child shows that you are a great mommy!!! Truth is, this mommy thing is not easy.

My DS is about 17 lbs now at 12 weeks, I have the best results for tummy time in the AM or while changing him (not sure why but if I flip him while on the changing table he is all head up looking around.
Later in the day or at night if I do tummy time, DS doesnt complain but he doesnt lift his head either, he just puts his fist in his mouth and goes to town. Also if you have the boppy, try putting him on that when doign tummy time, DS seems to like this alot as he can see better, although he gets tired quicker (big babies have heavy heads to lift )

With the crib, maybe try it first for a nap, and just keep trying. Also do you swaddle your DS? I find that my DS is so much easier to put down when swaddled.

Since I have gone back to work, DS will not nap for my ILs. Every time they try to put him down, even if he is in a dead sleep, nothing he just wont have it. I am not worried though, it will just take time for him to adjust. And your son will adjust too!

You are doing a great job, just keep at it. Sometimes I believe DS is trying to see how far he can push me before I break! Its okay!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

You are doing a great job. You are a great mommy! Everyone feels like this sometimes. It will get easier. You and DS are still figuring things out. It takes time - a lot of time! Most babies hate tummy time. He sounds right on schedule for his age. He will eventually make the transition to the crib. Give it time. It WILL happen. Hang in there!

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

I feel the same way! My dd is 4 months and I still let her sleep in her car seat because it means that I will get a better night sleep. When we put her down in her crib, she is up every 2-3 hours. She won't nap unless I lay down with her in bed, nursing her! Then she takes a good 2 hour nap. I'm not driving myself crazy. She's meeting her milestones. Whatever works! He's only 10 weeks. At gymboree a few weeks ago, most of the 3 1/2 month olds couldn't hold their heads up. He'll be fine! We're going to be worrying for the rest of our lives.

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

you are NOT a failure. its soo hard in the beginning - every baby is an individual and progresses at their pace. My DD hated tummy time - she still does not like it but she tolerates it more now at 5 months (depending on her mood). Be patient

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

You are not a failure. Every baby is different. You love your baby!!!

My son HATED Tummy Time, but I was able to get him to do it by putting him on the bed and then I would sit on the floor so he could see me, this then translated to the tummy time mat, and he actually likes it now.

Sleeping in the crib, my DS does really well with a crib vibrator, maybe try it. I put it on when I lay him down at night. Then if he wakes and cries a bit, it comes back on automatically. 9/10 it soothes him back to sleep. It gave me sanity!

Good Luck

Re: feeling like a failure of a mommy

Your a good mommy and your son is fne not to worry