feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I just had my D&C yesterday, I just feel like I can't talk to anyone IRL about this right now, I wouldn't even talk to my sister when she called yesterday......I feel like I need to deal with this on my own terms, grieve how I need to, and part of that right now is to be alone with my thoughts without all the condolences from others, which tend to just make me more sad right now. the only person I want around me is DH, b/c I feel like we are going through this together.

my DH specifically told my MIL (who keeps calling) that I don't want to see or talk to anyone right now, I'm not ready. So what does she do??? stops here after church with a poinsetta plant for us (which that part was a nice gesture), but when DH told me she was ringing the bell, I asked him to close the bedroom door, I didn't want to see her. Well she came in my bedroom anyway!!!! I put the cover over my head because I was annoyed and I don't want to cry to other people right now. She proceeds to tell me that I shouldn't sit in my room and be depressed I have to get up and walk around a little. After her speech she left my room and I heard her talking to DH on the way out, and she told him that she had a D&C too 10 years ago (which he didn't know).....she didn't have it b/c of a miscarriage, she had it for some other reason (I guess she had something that needed to be removed).....so I told DH she can't relate to how I'm feeling right now no matter what she thinks. WHY DO I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THIS RIGHT NOW?????? I won't even talk to my own mother, why does she think she has to be my therapist. This is adding to my grief.

now I have to sit here feeling like I've been a b*tch to her, meanwhile I just want some privacy. thanks for listening.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Hi Helen. I am so sorry for your loss. I was a August mommy to be as well. I am still waiting to m/c I found out last Saturday that my baby was gone. it feels like it was a year ago. I totally relate to what you are saying. All this week I could not face ANYONE. I did not want to speak to any of my friends, family etc. I am now getting to a point where it helps me to talk about it but you have to reach that in your own time. Please don't worry about MIL's feelings YOUR feelings are the only ones that matter right now and eveything and anything you feel is the right thing. You do not need guilt on top of everything else. I would just have DH tell her that you are not ready to speak to anyone and not to drop by. Jeez I cannot imagine how I would have reacted. I am just now feeling like I don't hate everyone who walks the earth. It is a very personal thing. Grief is handled by everyone in their own way and m/c grief is truly something no one can understand.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I stayed in the house for about 4 days after my m/c. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. The only phone calls I didn't ignore were my mother's. I had a friend who got mad at me because I didn't really want to talk about it when she called.

I'm sorry your MIL was insensitive. You didn't do anything wrong

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I know exactly how you feel.

Two weeks ago, I had my second D&C in 4 months. I can completely relate to not wanting to see anyone at all. I sort of hid out after the first one, moreso the second one.

MY MIL wanted to stop by, but I was resting and DH wanted us to be alone. She had made chicken soup for us and was mad, but at the end of the day, it was about us. I couldn't worry about making everyone else feel good- I needed to take care of me. And that's what you need to do too!

(I can't believe she just came into your bedroom though! I'd be soo stressed out from that!!)

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through this a couple of months ago. Like others said, take the time you need. You are the one going through this and they are your feelings. So sorry about your MIL. Not many understand. It is so hard. Again, so sorry.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by MrsJoeG

Hi Helen. I am so sorry for your loss. I was a August mommy to be as well. I am still waiting to m/c I found out last Saturday that my baby was gone. it feels like it was a year ago. I totally relate to what you are saying. All this week I could not face ANYONE. I did not want to speak to any of my friends, family etc. I am now getting to a point where it helps me to talk about it but you have to reach that in your own time. Please don't worry about MIL's feelings YOUR feelings are the only ones that matter right now and eveything and anything you feel is the right thing. You do not need guilt on top of everything else. I would just have DH tell her that you are not ready to speak to anyone and not to drop by. Jeez I cannot imagine how I would have reacted. I am just now feeling like I don't hate everyone who walks the earth. It is a very personal thing. Grief is handled by everyone in their own way and m/c grief is truly something no one can understand.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by Dani922

I stayed in the house for about 4 days after my m/c. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. The only phone calls I didn't ignore were my mother's. I had a friend who got mad at me because I didn't really want to talk about it when she called.

I'm sorry your MIL was insensitive. You didn't do anything wrong

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by faithann

I know exactly how you feel.

Two weeks ago, I had my second D&C in 4 months. I can completely relate to not wanting to see anyone at all. I sort of hid out after the first one, moreso the second one.

MY MIL wanted to stop by, but I was resting and DH wanted us to be alone. She had made chicken soup for us and was mad, but at the end of the day, it was about us. I couldn't worry about making everyone else feel good- I needed to take care of me. And that's what you need to do too!

(I can't believe she just came into your bedroom though! I'd be soo stressed out from that!!)

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by CAH127

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through this a couple of months ago. Like others said, take the time you need. You are the one going through this and they are your feelings. So sorry about your MIL. Not many understand. It is so hard. Again, so sorry.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by HelenZ
and yes the bedroom visit was so stressful!! this is a woman who has come over my house before and started cleaning!......when she walked in I was worrying about whether I had laundry on the floor since I always feel like she is surveying my house when she comes over.....I know that was the least of my worries with her bedroom invasion, but it just shows she was adding unnecessary stress right now. I'm more worried about tomorrow since DH will be at work and I'll be a sitting duck if she starts ringing my bell again.

I am so very sorry to hear that you have had 2 D&C's in 4 months! I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you have been on!!!

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by faithann

Posted by HelenZ
and yes the bedroom visit was so stressful!! this is a woman who has come over my house before and started cleaning!......when she walked in I was worrying about whether I had laundry on the floor since I always feel like she is surveying my house when she comes over.....I know that was the least of my worries with her bedroom invasion, but it just shows she was adding unnecessary stress right now. I'm more worried about tomorrow since DH will be at work and I'll be a sitting duck if she starts ringing my bell again.

I am so very sorry to hear that you have had 2 D&C's in 4 months! I can only imagine the emotional roller coaster you have been on!!!

It has been hard, but it does get easier. Or maybe I'm just more numb.

Do not worry about tomorrow. DO NOT answer the door! Tell your DH to tell your MIL that you were at your mom's or something. YOu have enough to worry about right now and need to take care of YOU. It does not make you selfish at all.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is unimaginable pain that people who have not experienced will never fully understand.

I have had 2 miscarriages. I cannot put the feelings out of my head...my advice to you is to take the time to grieve. It will help you in the end. If you feel the need not to leave your bed, then that's ok. You will wake up one day and have the desire to get up. The pain never goes away in my opinion, but it gets manageable.

What helped me was to have a plan. I needed to know where I was going in terms of getting pg again. I needed to talk to my drs and it made me feel better. I dont know if that would help you as well. I'm a planner...needed to have one to move on.

Again, so sorry for your loss...

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Im really sorry for your loss. I had my d&c in november at 8 weeks. I was a mess. I didn't sleep for the first 2 nights. It was really hard when my husband went to work and I was home. Just let yourself grieve and cry. Honestly it does get easier with time but not a day goes by where I don't think about being pregnant. If you have any queations about the D&C or anything else let me know.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by HelenZ

Posted by Dani922

I stayed in the house for about 4 days after my m/c. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. The only phone calls I didn't ignore were my mother's. I had a friend who got mad at me because I didn't really want to talk about it when she called.

I'm sorry your MIL was insensitive. You didn't do anything wrong

thank you I hope that people don't feel that way with me right now, I think its silly for friends or family to get mad if you choose not to talk about it, this is such a personal thing to go through.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Helen,

I am so sorry for your loss.

I know exactly how you feel, that is exactly how I was. I didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't want to see anyone. You don't have to and don't feel pressured by anyone to do so. When you are ready, you may talk about it, you may not. Your MIL was way out of line.

My family didn't understand that this is how I dealt with my m/c's, although by the 3rd one, they were figuring it out. Some of my friends didn't understand I didn't want to talk. I felt like I was inconsolable, my heart was broken, there was nothing anyone could say to me to make me feel better, and there was nothing i wanted to hear.

You will find your way in your own time.
We are here for you.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I feel the same way but its definitely getting better, like someone said above, one day at a time

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by HelenZ
thank you ......I know it will be hard when he goes to work tomorrow, when I'm all alone its when I do most of my crying.....its harder to avoid MIL since she lives two blocks away! I won't be answering the door, I just hope if she tries coming here she's not persistent so I can get some rest.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

you are not alone Helen..

the only one i could talk to IRL was my sister being she had the same MC as me... everyone else i just couldnt.. i needed time.. time to grieve and mourn.. and it did help me..

having DH by my side was all i wanted

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Your feelings of not wanting to talk to anyone are COMPLETELY NORMAL.
You don't need to explain that to anyone. Considering these circumstances, its okay to blow people off for now. Don't worry about other people....jut take care of yourself.

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

You are not alone. After my m/c in Nov I stayed home for 3 days and only left to see the OB and have my D&C. I didn't want to see anybody or talk to anybody. I just stayed in bed and cried. I was upset about everything and to make it worse my mother stayed with us for the first day and cleaned my whole house. I know that's nice but when i'm upset I clean and I had nothing to do so I was even more upset. I didn't take any phone clals for about 4 days and even then I was picky about who I called. Take as much time as you need. Not only do you have to deal with the emotional aspect of it, but also the physical. FM me if I can help

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Posted by HelenZ

Posted by CAH127

I am so sorry for your loss. I went through this a couple of months ago. Like others said, take the time you need. You are the one going through this and they are your feelings. So sorry about your MIL. Not many understand. It is so hard. Again, so sorry.

thank you.....so sorry for your loss as well!

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I'm really sorry for your loss, but understand 100% I think my husand has screened calls for the last 2 wks! You are not a B***H by any means, and have every right to have your privacy when you're ready to talk you'll talk to her and make the perfectly clear to everyone involved!! You need time for yourself right now and thats all that matters!

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

I am so sorry for your loss.... it is so hard to speak to people who havent been through because they dont know what to say and whatever they say just upsets you more.... I know how hard it please take as much time as you need to grieve...

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Helen, I just wanted to say that I am so, SO sorry for your loss. Everyone deals with things differently and hopefully your MIL will give you the space you need to deal with this in YOUR own way right now.

I have no advice, just and

Re: feeling like you don't want to talk to anyone...

Sorry about your loss. I too, know how you feel. Take some time and know you will start to feel better.