feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space-update

hi ladies.
36w here...adn we only have a couple weekends left until i am induced ..unless i go into labor on my own.
i stopped work this week...although i rarely have been home bt docs appointments errands and holidays.

today on the way home dh and i started talking about xyz and the upcoming weeks.
and he in a nutshell explained hwo stressed he is with his job bc he has extra work to do before taking paternity leave.
so becasue of this he realllllllllllly wants his weekends to be for himself..with nothing to do..sit around relax.
hey i get that...i said no prob but how bout movie etc?
he said even that makes him feel pressure...that he says you have 7 days to do whatever...he has 2 days a week now and he doesnt want to feel the pressure to be with me or entertain. that if he falls asleep on the couch that he is afraid he will get grief from me.

i said to him....i have 7 days off now but only two with him...and i wanted those two days to be US TIME...not crazy romantic...but movies cuddling etc.
and that now of all times i want my special alone time with hubby.
and he looks at me and says he hears me but needs his couple days to just BE.

so how do i do this? how do i let my hubby go into his mancave and get ready to be a daddy...
but yet not get mad that he isnt craving special time with me...especially with such little time left?

i am glad he shared but i feel super lonely and sad now.

xo ty

update...thanks girls!

dh and i talked a bit after i posted this.
he said to me that he does want to spend time wth me but he is super overwhelmed and just trying to take care of himself bc he knows how busy things are going to get really quickly.
he is uber excited to be a daddy and is taking 3 weeks off when baby gets here.
we also talked about expectations adn whats realistic or not and for both of us to share out loud what we need and not assume the other person is a mind reader.

as much as i can the next week or so i am going to do little things for myself. manis pedi ..sephora browsing reading...
i am just so overwhelmed too and we deal very differently. he is mancave and me is cling like a teddy bear. neither is wrong...just hard to make both happy at the same time.

thank you again for sharing your thoughts and letting me vent!!! xoxo

Message edited 4/8/2012 8:07:39 PM.

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

UGHHH I know how you feel. I didn't have this conversation with Dh but this is how I felt. It's like suddenly they feel as if they have this hourglass that is running out of sand over their heads. I mean, don't know they know that we have had their babies in our bodies for 9 months??? We always feel something: pressure, anxiety, sad, scared etc. Right now is the time to maybe get as many stupid chick flicks, books (hello 50 shades of gray), come talk to us..as you can. Let him do his thing but sooner or later it will have to come to a head. he will have to man up, change a diaper, be in teh hospital, look at you while your (TMI ALERT) pad is being checked if you have a c section. Reality is going to smack him..

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

I get were your DH is coming from. I wouldn't worry about movie sit on the couch cuddle time. You will have it when the baby is hear cause they sleep a lot in the beginning and you don't really leave the house.

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

Even though it's frustrating for you I kind of understand what your DH means. I used to work a very busy schedule with a lot of pressure at work and on my days off I wanted some me time to do the things I wanted to do. It didnt mean i didnt love my DH or want to spend time with him. Theres just only so many hours in a day. And now that im pregant dh has been taking a lot of overtime hours so i know hes extra stressed and exhausted when he gets home from work. Expecting a baby is very stressful for us moms, but it affects the dads too. I know my Dh says he feels pressure because he wants to do his best to provide for us. Even though it's tough try to give your DH a little space. He'll probably really appreciate that you understood his needs and he might even come around to spend some time with you after he's decompressed from work. In the mean time, pamper yourself and enjoy these couple of weeks of peace and quiet

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

Posted by LiveItUp

Even though it's frustrating for you I kind of understand what your DH means. I used to work a very busy schedule with a lot of pressure at work and on my days off I wanted some me time to do the things I wanted to do. It didnt mean i didnt love my DH or want to spend time with him. Theres just only so many hours in a day. And now that im pregant dh has been taking a lot of overtime hours so i know hes extra stressed and exhausted when he gets home from work. Expecting a baby is very stressful for us moms, but it affects the dads too. I know my Dh says he feels pressure because he wants to do his best to provide for us. Even though it's tough try to give your DH a little space. He'll probably really appreciate that you understood his needs and he might even come around to spend some time with you after he's decompressed from work. In the mean time, pamper yourself and enjoy these couple of weeks of peace and quiet

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

compromise - split the weekend - 1 day with you - 1 day in the man cave.

Durring the week I also go to sleep early since I'm tired - dh sometimes will stay up to midnight playing on xbox.... so there is time durring the week.

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

i bet if you said take a week he would not take the whole time. I understand where you are coming from cause I hardly see DH during the week and want to see him on the WE. but If i give him one day to himself hes good for a while

Re: feeling lonely...because hubby needs his space

I'm sorry he's being like this the best explanation I can come up with is for women parenthood begins are conception. We are mommies from the time the baby burrows in. We have already adjusted our lifestyles for the new baby. We watch what we eat and do also already put the baby before our needs and desires. For most men it begins at birth. They don't have the connection we do. they don't have the kicks, aches, pains and constant peeing to remind them of the expanding family. SO while you have been preparing for 26 weeks (plus all the fertility treatments) reality is only just setting in for him. I would give him some time. If you gave him all weekend then he needs to work harder during the week to make up for the lost time. The baby can come at anytime. You will need the reassurance that he is there to support you. Labor and delivery can be scary and having closeness to your partner helps. Knowing he is there to help you though it will be a tremendous source of strength for you I think he needs to realize this is not just about him and his needs anymore. The baby has been conceived and has been growing in you. You and the baby already need him now not just after baby comes out.