First mother's day Q + vent

first let me say I am sorry for being "in hiding"
but there are certain things I do not want to "talk about" under my screen name.
here is my Q and vent:
Did your DH take you out alone on your first mother's day? or did you go out with family.
Last year was my first mother's day and wanted it to be special. But my DH took me out with his mom. I was so angry and upset , but I never said anything to him, bc I don't even think he realized it was a big deal. It was for me. you only get one first mother's day in life:(
I kind of forgot about it(not really) but now with another mother's day coming up I keep thinking about it and I still get that hurt feeling in my heart I would have liked for my DH to take me out alone with DC just 3 of us not with his mother. Don't get me wrong I love my MIL and I love his family but.....
would you be upset about this or am I being too sensitive about the issue? would you have said something?

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I think it is silly to hold this "grudge" when did not say anything to him at that moment...it is almost a year ago and you are still upset? I think you shoud've spoken up then

sorry you are hurt

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

We spent it with my family. I would actually never even think to just spend it with just me, DH and DD. It's a day for everyone. We've always done things with the whole family to celebrate all the mothers.

It seems to really bother you, so I would definitely say something. Maybe the 3 of you can spend most of the day together and then go to MILs for dessert or something like that.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

In our family Mother's Day is for celebrating all mothers together, so we all go out together.

Yes, you are his child's mother, but he still has a mother, and I am sure she wants to be recognized and spend the day with her son just like you want to spend it with yours.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I wouldn't be upset, we spent first mother's day with family and it was so much fun and I really enjoyed it very much. But I understand everyone is different. Sorry you felt hurt.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I'm apparently in the minority, but I wanted my first mother's day to be just the three of us.

I would have been upset if he had planned it without asking me.

BUT, IMO, since it seems like you didn't say anything then, you gave him the "okay".

Bringing it up now isn't really going to do anything but hurt his feelings and make him feel bad.

But I would tell him that this year you would like it to be just the three of you and see what he says.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Last year for my first Mothers Day I spend the morning with my mom, the afternoon with his mom and grandma, and dinner was the 3 of us at home - a nice dinner and movie. I enjoyed it and idnd't mind at all. We fit everyone in

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Posted by 08BabySurprise

Last year for my first Mothers Day I spend the morning with my mom, the afternoon with his mom and grandma, and dinner was the 3 of us at home - a nice dinner and movie. I enjoyed it and idnd't mind at all. We fit everyone in

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I understand how you feel b/c you are the mother of HIS child/children.

It reminds me of my dad though... My mother's gripe throughout the years was that my father rarely did anything for mother's day (aside help us kids make her breakfast in bed) because as HE put it:

"You're not my mother!"

Have you ever told your DH this is how you feel? Maybe he doesn't realize how sensitive you are to this issue.

I personally wouldn't be upset, b/c he has to celebrate mother's day with HIS mother too (well your DH, my DH's mother is deceased) but I definitely think he should have done something separate for each of you.

hang in there

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I felt the same way as you. We had breakfast from IHOP just the three of us and later spent the day with family. We did the same for fathers day. I wouldn't let last year bother me but suggest doing something alone this year.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I am sure we will spend it with family ~ my DH (I love him dearly) but he doesn't think like I do ~ I like things to be special etc but I have to spell it out for him.

Anyhooo maybe you can go for a special mothers day breakfast somewhere and spend the rest of the day with your mil.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

My first mother's day is this year...and I am so excited for it.

We will be with his mother (and side of the family) and my mother and father (I am an only child).

He will plan the day since that is something I usually do for the moms, but this year I will not be...

I know there are other ways for him to make it special just for me and I trust that he will.

---

Maybe you ask your husband what he has in mind for this Mother's Day and see if you can do something special in the morning with just your family and then do something with his family later on...or the opposite way.

Message edited 4/3/2009 9:46:26 AM.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I understand how you feel Last year we split the weekend and spent one day with my mom and the next with DH'S mom. I was really bugged by this. I felt like I spent the whole weekend celebrating a holiday that is just as much mine now as it is theirs (my mom and mil) and was never acknowledged. My family acknowledged I was a mother, but his family never ever wished me a happy mothers day. It was all about MIL. I was so upset by this that I told DH I am spending Mothers Day with my DC this year and we will celebrate with his mom on another day. It sounds petty, I know, but thats the way I feel. You are a mom now and should spend the day doing what you want.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Posted by Mikismom

I think it is silly to hold this "grudge" when did not say anything to him at that moment...it is almost a year ago and you are still upset? I think you shoud've spoken up then

sorry you are hurt

Message edited 4/3/2009 9:52:54 AM.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

I'm a a big mouth and I don't hold things back. I would have told him the very same day how I felt.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

My first mother's day as a mother, we went out for brunch with both sets of ILs & then we spent the day as a threesome.

Susequent mother's days, we've made breakfast for my mom (MIL moved) & usually spend the day just our family.

It wouldn't have bothered me, but since it bothered you (and still bothers you a year later), you should say something. It doesn't matter if it would bother anyone else - it bothers you.

I do think you need to let last year's go since you didn't speak up about it and going forward take the initiative in planning mother's day together so you're not disappointed. To continually be disappointed year after year, without taking action is foolish & not helpful to your relationship with DH.

If every year my husband forgot my birthday & every year I was upset about it - eventually the onus is on me to do something about it so I'm not continually hurt, know what I mean?

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Message edited 4/3/2009 10:18:02 AM.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

It was all about MIL.
That's exactly how I felt and I was so hurt I was sitting at the restaurant and could barely hold back tears. I guess I was anticipating a "very special day" that I would always remember, I thought maybe DH would plan out a nice day for his family and then just us , but I was disappointed. (And yes I agree with many of you, I should have said something that day). I also remember we came home , DC took a nap and I cleaned and vacuumed while DH relaxed bc he was "so tired"...
Oh well I am just going to forget about it and get on with my life I guess I'm just having a bad day and the rainy weather isn't helping.
Thanks everyone

P.S. and reply to one of the posters, no I am not really "holding a grudge", it was just something that bothered me and wanted to get ot off my chest , I guess vent a little since I have never told anyone how I felt.

Thanks again

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Posted by luv
Oh well I am just going to forget about it and get on with my life I guess I'm just having a bad day and the rainy weather isn't helping.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

Posted by nrthshgrl


Please don't forget about it. Obviously it was important to you. I'm not saying you need to tell him what a crappy job he did last year, but moving forward plan the day out as you want it.

Re: First mother's day Q + vent

First, I wouldn't be upset by this. I know this year I'll be hosting Mother's Day even though its my first. If my DH doesn't get me a card or something, then I'll be hurt. Besides, I'm the one who does the shopping for ours moms and such.
Second, you need to tell DH if this is really bothering you. Maybe go out for breakfast and then dinner with his Mom.