"Forced" activities

Recently we signed up for Tball. DH is really excited and even agreed to be a coach.

Everytime DS has gone, he's acted up.

Personally, I think he's bored and would do better with something like soccer where he gets to run around all the time.

Yesterday it was really bad. I had to take him off the field.

I told DH I don't really want DS in this anymore and his view is that DS needs to learn the game and handle the situation.

My gut is telling me otherwise and a few other people have told me that you shouldn't force any kid to do something they don't seem to like.

What do you ladies think?

PS my ILs suggested leaving DS there without our presence and seeing how he does. Personally, I'm not comfortable with that because it's in a park with a lot of distractions and I feel that something could happen without proper supervision.

Message edited 5/4/2014 7:22:23 AM.

Re: "Forced" activities

I'm going through the exact same thing with t-ball.

DS played last year 4 years old, and it was hard. He basically needs 1:1 for redirection, and a few times, he walked clear towards other fields in the middle of the game.

We asked him all winter if he wanted to play again, he said Yes every time.

The first game was tough, but he made it through. I made him a chart with Velcro tabs to visualize how much more he has to play.

Yesterday, he flat out refused to leave the house. DH was at work, so we never went. We planned on going to Holtsville Eco center after, and he lost that for not even trying the game.

Now, hes saying he wants to go next week. So I am going to play it on a week by week basis.

And some bribery like Dunkin Donuts.

Re: "Forced" activities

I wish those were the only issues.

He is having serious behavioral problems because he doesn't want to be there (yelling, crying, fighting us).

If I go to the game he comes to sit with me in the bleachers and won't participate at all.

If I don't go he still gives DH a hard time.

In his defense, I think it's kind of a boring activity.

You have to give every kid a chance to go through the motions.....sometimes the game can last almost 2 hours.

Practice is over an hour.

I just do not think he has the attention span and interest.

Re: "Forced" activities

Personally, I would pull him from the activity. Tball is probably not a good match for him. Most kids I work with (even typically developing kids) hate it because they say it's so boring. I'm guessing there is a lot of standing around waiting? He probably needs something where he is more actively involved and is more structured. Swimming and martial arts seem to be more popular.

Re: "Forced" activities

Thanks.

I just had a long convo with my mom after what happened yesterday and she feels the same way.

And she was a teacher!

Now just need to convince DH.

He's also really friendly with our neighbor who is very involved with the LL so I am sure he feels embarrassed about pulling out.

He has a game this week at 5:30 PM and I'm sure chaos will ensue since he'll already be exhausted from school and the day.

I'm nervous about doing the karate because I'm afraid he'll use it inappropriately, especially given his issues already.

Swimming the doctor highly recommended and were checking that out.

Re: "Forced" activities

DS is the same with tee ball... It was rough. This year is much better than last year - thank god. I think because I practice with him. We have found that if he is on the pitchers mound he does very well. Most balls go there so he's involved in the action and he knows he needs to focus otherwise he will get hurt since he is close to the batter.

We tried swimming and we had to cancel the session because they made him do something and he was out of his comfort zone. He was having bad anxiety attacks about going so I cancelled them..

He does karate and it is SO good for him. They work well with him and he doesn't do it at home, only in the dojo. Maybe you can do a trial?

Re: "Forced" activities

My daughter started special needs tball last year. The first few games were a nightmare. But her coach is amazing and said give it a few more times to see how she does. The next time we went she didn't tantrum but watched for about ten minutes. Her coach was thrilled just that she observed. Eac time she went we stayed a bit longer.
She is on the team again. We rarely stay the hour and she is very self directed but she usually will do the excercises, bat and run the bases. I give a lot of credit to her coaches who are both amazing. They really feel even if they don't completely participate or even participate a little, they still get to be around other kids; maybe even if it's just to watch.
I might be in the minority when I say give it a few more chances.

Re: "Forced" activities

Some districts offer free after school sports activities (1-3 sessions) to let the kids try the sport, see if they want to continue and register for the season. We all have our preferences as adults or kids, and it is added pressure and challenge when we are in a sport that is of no interest to us. Imho, we enroll the kids for them to have fun and enjoy the sport with their peers. Some kids also prefer more active sports like tennis, soccer, hockey… they're often on the go. I saw my son gradually lose interest and excitement over Tae Kwon Do (partly because that branch had a change in instructors, and he liked the structure of the previous master). He no longer looked forward to going, he just went because he had to, and was clearly sulking inside. I agreed it was time to try something else.

Re: "Forced" activities

This is DS' first taste of tball. After our experience with soccer I had very low expectations. It is going better than soccer did but he is clearly not where the other kids are. That said, there are kids on his team that have never been exposed to it either. It is more DS' behavior. If he doesnt catch the ball every. single. time. He throws his hat on the ground. Then his glove. Crosses his arms, pouts and stomps. Mortifying and embarassing. It does not help that my son has an early bedtime (7pm) and practice starts at 5:15 and the games start at 5:45. He is tired. He is hungry. He sits on the bench when his team is on the field. He wrestles the other kids for the ball. He tries to climb the dugout fence. He plays with the dirt instead of paying attention. He has pecked his teamates in the head with his helmet. He runs inot the bleachers. He runs into the other fields.

But

Every week, he gets a little better. His coaches are very good with him. They are giving him more 1:1. I find it better when I dont get involved. I'm letting his coaches handle it. He wants to play, I just think the tiredness, the ADHD, and all the distractions are overwhelming for him.

Re: "Forced" activities

Thanks everyone for responding.

And Domino, I think we have the same kid!

Re: "Forced" activities

I was having the same issue in what to put my son in this year. I was between soccer and TBall. My DH asked his co worker who coaches both what would be better for our son and he said definetely not T ball. I'm sure some kids do well in it at five but I know my son would not. I actually didn't do soccer either. I asked him what he wanted to do abd he said stay home with us. I really want him to be into something but I know that it's just going to be stress on me going to games. He is going to fight me to go and when we are there he will probably be defiant towards coach. Run everywhere he shouldn't, etc... I know I shouldn't but I get stressed and embarrased. I have seen a huge improvement in my DS this past year. So I'm thinking he just needs to mature a bit more.

I have decided to sign him up for swim lessons. He has weak muscle tone and I think this will be great for him. Just brought him to a safety swim birthday party and the same age kids where swimming circles around him. He needs a lot of help.

I'm guessing your DH just really wants your son to be into the sport since he likes it so much. But I think it's just too much stress on you to bring him somewhere he clearly not enjoying. Wait a year and maybe next season will be better. I have two boys and can tell now that my older son is just not going to be the super athletic type. I could be wrong but I think I'm not, which I'm fine with. My younger one is the one that will probably enjoy soccer and TBall.

Re: "Forced" activities

I didn't go to the game the other night to experiment to see if he would participate more if he didn't have me to run to.

DH said he did better---and at least spent time running around with a bunch of other kids not paying much attention to the game, but he was socializing which is a huge improvement.

I think it ends in June at least, and we are skipping tomorrow for another event.

Message edited 5/9/2014 8:10:36 PM.