FRIEND ISSUE

So i have this friend who is normally a very sweet person who i just love. But she is very touchy. If she isn't invited to everything, isn't included in everything, she gets upset and feels hurt.

IMO she isn't not included because she is not wanted, it is just someting pops up, a few people meet up and so be it.

But she gets extremely hurt by this...and then comes the, i need time away to think about things, she acts all distant

It is just way to tiring to have to think about her hurt feeligns if i want to GTG with a friend or two...


I feel like this mentality is sooooooo childish...
But i do like her and wish she wouldn't take every outing as a slight against her...

Dont know what to do because i just can't take this kind of 13 year old behavior anymore

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

Does she have other friends besides you? Maybe she gets jealous because she is NOT a part of your plans.

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Posted by Redhead

So i have this friend who is normally a very sweet person who i just love. But she is very touchy. If she isn't invited to everything, isn't included in everything, she gets upset and feels hurt.

IMO she isn't not included because she is not wanted, it is just someting pops up, a few people meet up and so be it.

But she gets extremely hurt by this...and then comes the, i need time away to think about things, she acts all distant

It is just way to tiring to have to think about her hurt feeligns if i want to GTG with a friend or two...


I feel like this mentality is sooooooo childish...
But i do like her and wish she wouldn't take every outing as a slight against her...

Dont know what to do because i just can't take this kind of 13 year old behavior anymore

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i'm sorry, i couldn't deal with someone like this.

too 4th grade for me!!!

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hmmm, that is just jealousy on her part. i undertand last minute things come up and if you are only meeting a few friends, then that is not really delibritely excluding anyone.

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Is there maybe a reason behind the way she acts? I know I can get like that sometimes... and I think a lot of it stems from my parents being divorced, and constantly being left out of things that my dad and his new family would do (planning vacations with me, and then going when i couldn't, etc.)

Maybe you could try talking to her about it when it hasn't just happened.

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Jealousy and feeling left out sometimes in normal, I think, especially with women. But if this person can't see that it is not deliberate, and always has to be a drama queen about it, then I would be annoyed too!

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Posted by Syliblond81106

Posted by Redhead

So i have this friend who is normally a very sweet person who i just love. But she is very touchy. If she isn't invited to everything, isn't included in everything, she gets upset and feels hurt.

IMO she isn't not included because she is not wanted, it is just someting pops up, a few people meet up and so be it.

But she gets extremely hurt by this...and then comes the, i need time away to think about things, she acts all distant

It is just way to tiring to have to think about her hurt feeligns if i want to GTG with a friend or two...


I feel like this mentality is sooooooo childish...
But i do like her and wish she wouldn't take every outing as a slight against her...

Dont know what to do because i just can't take this kind of 13 year old behavior anymore

Red:
This used to happen all the time w/my ex best friend (MOH). She used to get ****** if I didnt ask her-but honestly, it wasnt that I didnt want her to come, things just pop up.
She didn't understand that...
I'm not sure what to tell you-I'm no longer talking to her anymore, well, besides the fact that she was sycho, LOL, it used to get VERY annoying...

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

I can see both sides of this. I've been in the position where I'm sure I've unintentionally excluded a friend and I've been on the receiving end too. My MOH in particular did this alot and at first I would be a little hurt but I would never ever make HER feel guilty about it because I knew it wasn't something I should be taking personally. I got over it really quickly.

The only thing I can think of that you can do is tell the friend, "oh, it was fun, It would've been great if you would've been there but it just popped up so definitely next time we'll do [insert whatever here]" or "I'll make sure I let ya know next time."

I really wouldn't need more than that, IF that, and you can't really do anymore than that. The rest is up to her to not take things so personally.

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

Posted by BabyAvocado

I can see both sides of this. I've been in the position where I'm sure I've unintentionally excluded a friend and I've been on the receiving end too. My MOH in particular did this alot and at first I would be a little hurt but I would never ever make HER feel guilty about it because I knew it wasn't something I should be taking personally. I got over it really quickly.

The only thing I can think of that you can do is tell the friend, "oh, it was fun, It would've been great if you would've been there but it just popped up so definitely next time we'll do [insert whatever here]" or "I'll make sure I let ya know next time."

I really wouldn't need more than that, IF that, and you can't really do anymore than that. The rest is up to her to not take things so personally.

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

Posted by Redhead

Posted by BabyAvocado

I can see both sides of this. I've been in the position where I'm sure I've unintentionally excluded a friend and I've been on the receiving end too. My MOH in particular did this alot and at first I would be a little hurt but I would never ever make HER feel guilty about it because I knew it wasn't something I should be taking personally. I got over it really quickly.

The only thing I can think of that you can do is tell the friend, "oh, it was fun, It would've been great if you would've been there but it just popped up so definitely next time we'll do [insert whatever here]" or "I'll make sure I let ya know next time."

I really wouldn't need more than that, IF that, and you can't really do anymore than that. The rest is up to her to not take things so personally.

i see your point sandra...
but the friend never says anything to me...But just drastically changes her behavior, takes me off her buddylist etc...

that i just can't take, if you are hurt, talk to me

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I know...
if she came to me, talked to me. It would be annoying and silly but i would still understand and talk it out...

But to turn ice cold, to take you off buddylists and crap...

well it is that immaturity i can't take

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How close of a friend is she?

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Something VERY similar happened to our group of friends last year. After we couldn't take it anymore, we just told our friend that we really care about him, he's always part of the group no matter what, but not to bother calling us until he is ready to be mature. Well, we didn't hear from him for 8 months, he was SUPPOSED to be JT's bestman, and then JT ended up asking his other friend, instead. Well, after those 8 months, he reintegrated into the group, apologized for acting like a complete child, and now we are all better off for it. I don't know how tight knit your group of friends is, but I know we are all equally close with one another, and we all decided that we needed to tell our friend to get a grip together. When he couldn't get a grip, we just stopped calling him. Call it tough love, but it worked.

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I would end the relationship plain and simple!!!

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Posted by TheInfamousOTG

I would end the relationship plain and simple!!!

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<---------------<

Posted by Moehick

Posted by TheInfamousOTG

I would end the relationship plain and simple!!!

These are true words of wisdom

Message edited 12/18/2005 3:06:21 PM.

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

thanks everyone

i am here, if she wants to come talk to me then so be it. I am tired of taking that extra step

Re: FRIEND ISSUE

I can definitely see both sides, though it seemed a little mean to say she wasnt there bc shes not wanted. I think that maybe if u go out with others and u know she is going to get upset at the after talk, then just dont talk about that particular outing. This sounds like it will cause u more work to do this but in the end u said u do like her which means if u can do one thing to keep your friendship going maybe avoid conversations that do not pertain to her. Everyone has different personalities which means we sometimes have to bend our usual ways of dealing with people.

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I read "is" as "isnt" where it says IMO thats where I got it from. So sorry to misintepret your wording, didnt mean to do that. As far as my continuing advice, I think yes shes being impossible but treat the situation how it is. If shes touchy towards this kind of info then I would avoid discussing it. It does seem kind of hasty on her part for not talking to u...give it time.

Message edited 12/18/2005 4:11:40 PM.