Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

in my familiy it wouldn't matter what I wanted- my Dad would kill him and that would be that

that is so terrible- I would sleep in my car before I put up with that!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

That poor woman

I just CAN'T UNDERSTAND cheating. If you're unhappy, walk away. Don't ruin them by cheating.
My brother and I were talking yesterday (yeah, he's only 15, but wise beyond his years), and he told me that one of his former teachers/coach is getting divorced. They were only married last Summer - and he's had a girlfriend on the side (at his job) since September.
Makes me want to throw up. They dated for YEARS...ugh ugh ugh.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

Posted by MrsFresca

Posted by dom-n-nic

she is prob so in love with him that she will forgive him no matter what but she needs to know that he does not love her anymore so there is no working anything out . if he does stay with her he will still be with his gf on the side.

there is only so mch you can tell and help someone out in a situation like this. i have been through this with people i know and when they are in love withthe person THEY ARE IN LOVE and will try to do anything to keep them together.

for your friend it must be really hard on her right now
you can tell her how you feel and what she should do but only she will know how she feels and what she wants to do . you just have to be there for her

Do you think that they are in love because they accept behaviors like this? I find that some women that do this actually have low self-esteem and do not value themselves as much or as not as confindent. I always find that you have to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else. I have a friend (we are not as close anymore or we are not in touch as we used to) because she had a similar situation like this. I was there for her but told her how I felt. I think her husband is a scumbag if you asked me. He has been unfaithful to her many times....and the last time that I heard..he has a mistress...put an apartment for her...had a child with her...and this was OK with my friend. Then I guess she forgave him once again so the mistress got pregnant a second time. And she forgave him again. And 9 months ago, my friend got pregnant too and now she has a baby. They already have another child even before this all happened with this mistress. I never liked her husband but I think he stays around because he's waiting for her to get a huge settlement for medical malpractice(millions). I don't understand as to what would possess her to get pregnant again knowing that he has been unfaithful to her and knowing that he doesn't have the commitment for their relationship. So my only explanation is that she has low self-esteem and does not value herself as she should. I don't understand how she can say she's happy...unless she's happy for 2 days(maybe that's enough in her book) and miserable the other days......
I guess the only thing you can do is be there for your friend.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I can't even imagine!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

wow.. I am so sorry to hear about that!! many to your friend that she finds the strength to make the right decision..

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

He said that to her! I would kick his a** out!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I know that I would have changed the locks and emptied the bank account as well. I have ZERO tolerance for behavior like this.

I am trying to support her and get her to see through the clouds. I never really liked him to begin with! I have a talent at sniffing out losers. He wants her to leave with the daughter so that he doesn't look like the bad guy. Can you even imagine?

She hasn't told her parents or his parents yet! I so would have been on the horn the minute I found out!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

Posted by MrsFresca

Posted by dom-n-nic

she is prob so in love with him that she will forgive him no matter what but she needs to know that he does not love her anymore so there is no working anything out . if he does stay with her he will still be with his gf on the side.

there is only so mch you can tell and help someone out in a situation like this. i have been through this with people i know and when they are in love withthe person THEY ARE IN LOVE and will try to do anything to keep them together.

for your friend it must be really hard on her right now
you can tell her how you feel and what she should do but only she will know how she feels and what she wants to do . you just have to be there for her

Do you think that they are in love because they accept behaviors like this? I find that some women that do this actually have low self-esteem and do not value themselves as much or as not as confindent. I always find that you have to love yourself first before you can truly love someone else. I have a friend (we are not as close anymore or we are not in touch as we used to) because she had a similar situation like this. I was there for her but told her how I felt. I think her husband is a scumbag if you asked me. He has been unfaithful to her many times....and the last time that I heard..he has a mistress...put an apartment for her...had a child with her...and this was OK with my friend. Then I guess she forgave him once again so the mistress got pregnant a second time. And she forgave him again. And 9 months ago, my friend got pregnant too and now she has a baby. They already have another child even before this all happened with this mistress. I never liked her husband but I think he stays around because he's waiting for her to get a huge settlement for medical malpractice(millions). I don't understand as to what would possess her to get pregnant again knowing that he has been unfaithful to her and knowing that he doesn't have the commitment for their relationship. So my only explanation is that she has low self-esteem and does not value herself as she should. I don't understand how she can say she's happy...unless she's happy for 2 days(maybe that's enough in her book) and miserable the other days......
I guess the only thing you can do is be there for your friend.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

am almost identical situation happened to a good friend of mine. i didn't know her at the time but she told me everything that happened. he ended up walking out on christmas eve, only to return a few days later wanting to salvage the marriage. of course she was beyond devasted but decided that she could NEVER trust him again and did not want to work things out. it was a VERY depressing time for her (not to mention, she lived out of state and a distance from her family) but knew she had to be strong not only for herself but for the safety and health of her newborn.

it is one thing (although not acceptable) for a spouse to cheat on another spouse but when there are children involved, well that is taking it to a WHOLE different level.

ultimately it is her choice and decision as to how she wants to move forward but IMO he does NOT deserve another chance.

all i can advise is that you be by her side and continue to offer your support.

Message edited 8/9/2006 9:52:15 AM.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I would kick him out immediatley! Call his mom, empty the bank account, and get all Waiting to Exhale on his clothes.....I dont believe in second chances when it comes to cheating - it doesnt matter if I am in love with him because that love will vanish in that instant. If you pledge your life to someone in front of God and all that are close to you and you go against that, there is no going back!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

Umm... IMO- she needs to get herself together and go. If he says he doesnt love her and hasnt in a long time ON TOP of cheating- what more can a man say to make it clear.
The truth hurts, but she is better off without him.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

That is a shame. It will be very difficult for your friend, whatever she decides.

Keep in mind that in situations like this -- the friend hears all the problems and offers all the best advice in the world. But then if she goes back to him and you suggested she not, you will be the bad guy. So just try to be there for her, be supportive, be her sounding board, and if she wants your opinion, give it, but know that she might use it agains you later... unfortunately....

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I have been going through something similar with my friend for the last year, the only difference being that her children are all grown. Her husband also cheated and told her he hasn't loved her in a long time. I agree that it could be a self-esteem issue with your friend, and I also believe that some women really need a man around, regardless of how suitable they are.

It's going to be tough for your friend to realize this, and be warned, it is also going to be difficult for you. I get frustrated beyond belief with my friend when she starts talking about getting back with her husband. They sign their divorce papers next week and I wouldn't be surprised if she refused at the last minute.

I think you should try to convince your friend to tell her family. The more people she has telling her was a loser her husband is the better.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

omg your poor friend. i hope she leaves him after he said he doesn't regret it or love her! she is probably scared about being alone wiith the baby.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

How sad that she doesn't value herself enough to kick him to the curb.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I feel very sorry for your friend, that has to be one of the worst experiences


If that were my man his arse would have been out a long time ago!! Sorry but I wouldn't stay with someone who is having an affair or had one in the past especially when they openly admit they have no regrets for what they did and is no longer in love with me.

OH HELL'S NO...BUH BYE!!!!!!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

It's sad to say that this woman is not the first and certainly won't be the last.

All you can do is support her in whatever decision she makes.

For me personally - he wouldn't have made it past "I'm not...." before I would've cut off his ballz.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

I think you should try to get your friend to go for some kind of therapy. It will help her to gain the strength to kick his cheating azz out!!!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

ummm sorry bye bye to him i would say

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

with a comment like he doesn't regret it and hasn't loved her in a long time, FORGET it, he's out the door?
Why would she want to try to work it out?
If he was apologetic and begged for my forgiveness, it might be a different story - but even then I don't know.
I guess its really hard to judge unless you are in the situation yourself.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

that's so sad. the affair is one thing and then the fact that he said he didn
t regret it? Its terrible! I don't think I'd be able to stay with somebody after that. Poor girl.

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

Re: Friend just found out her not so DH is having an affair and they have a 4 month old baby!

It would have to be over. It's always sad when a family breaks up but she's got no other choice in this matter. She has to be strong, what kind of example would she be setting for their child to be exposed to such circumstances. What a jackazz he is!

to your friend

to her DH (******** husband)