Gift giving question concerning children

If you have more than 1 child and you exchange gifts with someone who has only one child .. Do you try to spend more on that one child to compensate for your extra child?

I have a friend who has 2 children and I obviously have 1 .. this is our 1st year exchanging.. We have a price set on each child.. Now she is insisting that she double her price to make up for her second child.. I tryed to tell her its not necessary and not to be ridiculous .. she is insisting. How many other people do this ? My sister does it to?

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I haven't been in the situation yet, but I would probably do that too.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

My DS is the youngest child on both sides of the family. I have spent $$ on gifts for nieces and nephews for many years before he came along. I have always spent a certain dollar amount (same for each kid) in the family.

Now that I have a child, I don't expect my siblings to spend more on him than I do on theirs. I also don't expect others to spend what I spend, since everyone's financial situation is different. I spend what I want and what I can afford and generally expect others to do the same. I don't want to teach my son to expect more or better gifts because he is an only child or the youngest. I want him to learn to appreciate the thoughtfulness and the gesture instead.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Yes I do. I have two kids but BIL only has 1 child. I buy double.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Message edited 11/29/2010 11:10:41 AM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I expect to give what I can and for people to give what they can. I have a family member who has always been VERY generous with my 2 girls. I cannot afford to be as generous with just her ONE child, I do what I can. As far as holiday, I budget a certain amount PER child, instead of per family (doesn't matter how many kids are in the family).

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

We take into account the number of children per family. So, the single child would get a more expensive gift than the child with 3 other siblings. It stinks for the children in multiple-sibling families, but if we were to give a certain amount per child, it would be too expensive. Even if you spend less per child in the multiple child family, you still end up spending more.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I budget per child ... however I have two family members (SIL & Cousin) who both feel since I buy for BOTH their children, they should spend double on my ONE. I HATE IT. I appreciate the sentiment, but it's not fair my child should receive a large/expensive gift while the other children get half. And to boot, my SIL also insists on buying 2 gifts for DS since I buy one for each of her kids.
I don't like it at all and always insist they spend the same amount and buy one gift only --- they don't always follow it though.
I think it's silly. My 3 year old certainly doesn't understand the cost of a gift whereas the 8-9 year old might and feel bad. Not a fan of the theory at all.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I spend per child but it's not always even. I get what I think is a good gift. The only time it starts to even out is when gift certificates are involved but I don't like getting them. To me it would be strange to give the family with 2-3 kids lesser gifts because they had more children.

Message edited 11/29/2010 1:58:16 PM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

We spend per child-we don't set a limit but we keep it in the same neighborhood of gift value.

For example, before DS my very close girlfriend had 2 kids and she would get my DD gift about the same value as the gifts I got for each of her kids.

It would be weird if they opened their gifts and then DD opened hers and it was more more extravagent.

Now that I have DS-it all evens out anyway.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I've never been in the situation where I've had more.

We only have step son and when exchanging with relatives who have 3 or more I expect SS to get a nice gift. After all if we are spending for example $25 on each kid, that's $100.00 and SS only gets a $25 gift card. Its not fair.

Message edited 11/29/2010 3:18:05 PM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

She is making a nice gesture, I don't think she thinks that you expect her to do it.

My siblings and I dont' exchange anymore, it's silly at this point. Two of them have DC, my step brother and I do not. My sister was insistent that she still buy for DH and I because it wasn't right me buying for her 2 kids, honestly, I could care less. I told her if she wanted to do something for us, give us an ornament or have the kids make something, give us pics of the kids or buy something for my dogs. She ends up buying a bunch of dog toys every year and writing on the tag "Love your cousins" with her DC's name on it.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Not in my family, we've never done that. I've never even heard of that being done, or ever gave it any thought.

If that were the case, my DD and DS would make out BIG time as one of DH's sister has 4 kids and the other 3!

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I think it would depend on the original dollar amount. If she was spending $10 per kid, I would double it. If she is spending maybe more than $25, I don't think she should double it but def try and get a gift for both.

Message edited 11/29/2010 6:09:04 PM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

I would never think about increasing the price to make up for having an extra kid. I think its odd she brought it up. She could've just bought something a little more $$ instead of making a point to say she was going to do it. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape over the cost of things and how much to spend (her, not you)...it doesn't matter how much you spend, it is the tought that counts.

ETA: Since I am CF, should my SIL give me a better present since I have to buy for my 2 nephews???

Message edited 11/29/2010 6:15:14 PM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Posted by heathergirl

I would never think about increasing the price to make up for having an extra kid. I think its odd she brought it up. She could've just bought something a little more $$ instead of making a point to say she was going to do it. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape over the cost of things and how much to spend (her, not you)...it doesn't matter how much you spend, it is the tought that counts.

ETA: Since I am CF, should my SIL give me a better present since I have to buy for my 2 nephews???

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Posted by babymakes3

Posted by heathergirl

I would never think about increasing the price to make up for having an extra kid. I think its odd she brought it up. She could've just bought something a little more $$ instead of making a point to say she was going to do it. I don't know why people get so bent out of shape over the cost of things and how much to spend (her, not you)...it doesn't matter how much you spend, it is the tought that counts.

ETA: Since I am CF, should my SIL give me a better present since I have to buy for my 2 nephews???

ITA!

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Posted by dpli

Posted by Diana712

This was not a morality question.. I try to teach my dd values also.. But she is 18 months doesnt know the value of $$ yet .. This is a question amoungst adults and how they feel about gift giving when they have MORE than one child and the exchangee has only one.. I dont EXPECT anything ..

I wasn't judging you, and I am sorry if it came across that way. I was just trying to say that as someone with one child, I don't want others to feel like they have to spend more on mine just because I have one.

Sorry if I offended you.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

Message edited 11/29/2010 9:14:04 PM.

Re: Gift giving question concerning children

This is the first year I am sort of in that situation. When I only had 1 DS and was buying for others with more children I never felt like they "owed" my son more.

But, now that I am the one with 3 kids I feel bad. My SIL only has 1 and she is generous with my kids. I can't afford to triple what she spends but I do try and buy a little more for him than I used to. Hope that made sense.

I know my SIL would never expct me to spend more, but I feel like I should.

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I feel that a bit extra is in order. It is not just the holidays that I am considering but I buy birthday kids for kids in families that are larger than mine and it would be nice for the parents to just acknowledge that there is almost always a disparity between how much I give all the time and how much my child receives. I don't expect my child to get double what another kid gets, just maybe a little something extra because of my efforts all year long.