Grandma vent/question

Okay, first of all...Grandma has been GREAT and is so happy - this is her first grand child and my parents are the happiest ever, BUT...being a mom and a critical one...the comments just don't stop. DD is 16 days old and when my mother calls she'll say "what is she doing, are you holding her?" and when I say yes she tells me I shouldn't be holding her so much. Then tells me that I should let her cry, etc. That I shouldn't feed her every time she cries, etc. I know when my daughter is hungry - that is when I feed her. And I'm not about to let a 2 week old cry when she must need something, even if it is just to be held.

Am I doing this wrong? She said that I'm spoiling her too much and that she is going to want to be held all the time. I enjoy holding her and spending quality time with her. She hangs out in her bouncy seat too, but if she cries, yes I run to her and pick her up. Is that bad? Any advice?

Re: Grandma vent/question

I really dont have any advice except for don't take what others say to heart.

My mom, MIL and aunts always "offer" their advice but only you know your baby and what is best.

Re: Grandma vent/question

You can not hold a newborn too much. Your baby is still so young! Especially since you are BF and supplementing your baby will be fed on demand. Most people who are not famiiar with BF do not know this. They will give you unwarranted advice. I will tell you that comments from family and friends will probably only get worse.
Every time you hold, cuddle, touch a newborn their brian grows. They need the warmth and comfort since they have been inside you for 9+ months. Our babies will only be little for a little while and then will be jumping out of our arms to go play! My son is 19 months and I miss the time when he was that small and I could hold him for hours! Enjoy that time!

Also ..things have changed since we were born. We are not supposed to put blankets and thick bedding in the cribs, or put baby on their stomachs. THey were giving cereal at a few weeks old! Tell them you are doing exactly what your doctor told you to do because they are the ones with the medical degrees!

I usually make up some excuse when my mom calls. She always asks what I am doing and it is annoying!

Re: Grandma vent/question

Sorry- but I think your mom is wrong.

You can not hold a newborn too much. They need that to help them grow. A toddler is a different story- but a newborn definitely needs to be held. I don't think I put my DD down for her first month.

As for feeding, unless you are feeding your DD every hour or 90 minutes, you should feed on demand. What I did is try to see if something else woudl comfort her (holding her, rocking her, pacifier). If that didn't satisfy her, I would feed her.

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You can never spoil a baby too much by holding them. You've been carrying her for 9 months...I'm sure you want to hold your little one for a long time!

Many people will give advice that you don't like. Yes them to death and do what you want. You're the mother.

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I am a first-time grandma, as well, so I am going respond from that point of view. It seems to me you are doing just fine. You're getting to know your child and she is getting to know you. Listen to the advice if you can without getting angry, say thank you and then do what you see fit. Just because we have raised our children, doesn't mean we have all the answers. All children are different, just like snowflakes and everyone parents in their own way. If you need advice, I am sure your mom would be a great source. You have to find your own way and do what works best for you and your family. You will make mistakes, but, we all did and that was how we learned. If it gets to be too critical, maybe, a little talk would be in order. Until then, just keep up the good work. It's the hardest job you will ever have to do, but, the rewards are so worth it.

Re: Grandma vent/question

Thanks everyone for the great advice. I felt terrible even posting it - because my mom is great - but she still has that motherly nag she can't help!

Re: Grandma vent/question

No, you aren't spoiling her and you can't spoil a newborn. Even if you could, what is wrong with spoiling your child with love and affection???

I don't think there is anyway to make your mom stop with her "helpful advice" and I would just "yes" her to death.

Re: Grandma vent/question

wow my mom was the SAME way. "You're gonna spoil him if you pick him up every time he cries" "When can he have cereal, breast milk is not enough, he has to be hungry" blah blah blah. "You have to put a warmer coat on him that THAT". (Under his bundle me)
I have learned to stick to my guns - initially her comments made me doubt myself...now I know that I spend way more time w/DS than she and I think I know what he needs better than anyone (most of the time)

You are doing great!!! 16 days old you can't hold them too much, enjoy it :)

Re: Grandma vent/question

When my babies were in the NICU i would talk to the nurses all the time and they said that you cannot hold a newborn to much and they don't get spoiled at such a young age. I say love your baby and do whatever feels natural for you. Do not listen to others and maybe you should say something to your mom next time she tries and tells you how to be a mom.

Re: Grandma vent/question

I think all grandparents are like this

I always found telling lies was good..."Are you holding her?"

Me: "No" While she is in my arms

Them: "Good"

Just ignore and lie...I learned that early on....and it has been a quiet six months. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for YOUR child

Re: Grandma vent/question

I ignored it, but I am pretty good about ignoring things and tuning things out. My mother told me the exact same thing and you know what he will go to anyone at 7.5 months old and likes to play in his acticitivy thiings by himslef.

Re: Grandma vent/question

I'm sorry, but how can you spoil a baby by holding them and feedign them? They can't do those things for themselves!!! It is up to you to make your baby feel safe and secure and it sounds like you're doign a good job

Re: Grandma vent/question

Re: Grandma vent/question

Posted by Moehick

I think all grandparents are like this

I always found telling lies was good..."Are you holding her?"

Me: "No" While she is in my arms

Them: "Good"

Just ignore and lie...I learned that early on....and it has been a quiet six months. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for YOUR child

Re: Grandma vent/question

Posted by Kitkat

Posted by Moehick

I think all grandparents are like this

I always found telling lies was good..."Are you holding her?"

Me: "No" While she is in my arms

Them: "Good"

Just ignore and lie...I learned that early on....and it has been a quiet six months. Do what YOU want to do and what is best for YOUR child

That's a great idea

Re: Grandma vent/question

I agree that you can't spoil a baby too much. Hold them too much? at such an early age? No way! Um, except the muscle devlopment thing..but I digress

I used to tell my mom "I think I've got it, but thanks!" and at one point I told her that as a new mom, it was up to me to make my own mistakes & learn from them. She doesn't offer unsolicited advice often or if she does I don't notice it because I dismiss most of it.

We all make mistakes. We all screw up our kids in our own little ways. Our moms passed their weird quirks on to us - it's up to us to figure out things our own way. We take what we had from our moms, decide what we liked & didn't like about our childhood & then work it from there.

Safety is the only issue I would suggest listening & weighing every piece of advice, ie start having your child hold hands in the parking lot as soon as they can walk, keep the lid on the toilet bowl down, listen to your gut when your baby is sick, etc Those are the mistakes none of us can afford.

Um, did I just give you unsolicited advice??

Re: Grandma vent/question

Posted by nrthshgrl

I agree that you can't spoil a baby too much. Hold them too much? at such an early age? No way! Um, except the muscle devlopment thing..but I digress

I used to tell my mom "I think I've got it, but thanks!" and at one point I told her that as a new mom, it was up to me to make my own mistakes & learn from them. She doesn't offer unsolicited advice often or if she does I don't notice it because I dismiss most of it.

We all make mistakes. We all screw up our kids in our own little ways. Our moms passed their weird quirks on to us - it's up to us to figure out things our own way. We take what we had from our moms, decide what we liked & didn't like about our childhood & then work it from there.

Safety is the only issue I would suggest listening & weighing every piece of advice, ie start having your child hold hands in the parking lot as soon as they can walk, keep the lid on the toilet bowl down, listen to your gut when your baby is sick, etc Those are the mistakes none of us can afford.

Um, did I just give you unsolicited advice??

Re: Grandma vent/question

You CANNOT spoil a 2 week old baby. Just tell your mom that she is stressing you out and you want to do this your own way. If you need help, you will ask.

HUGS!!

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I know how you feel. I got the same things and I think if you just ignore it eventually it will stop. I did often have to say this is how we are choosing to parent our daughter and I also referred my mom to studies on how you can't spoil a newborn and how letting babies cry it out and lead to reactive attachment disorder. This shut her up at least. I know she still has all kind of thoughts rumbling through her head but thank god most of the time she doesn't speak them.

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Or you could just say "I'm going to do this my way because well - I wasn't raised properly" You know start blaming your mom for silly things like "I can't cook. I think it's because you never held me as a baby."

Message edited 11/30/2006 2:28:44 PM.

Re: Grandma vent/question

YOU CAN NOT SPOIL A NEWBORN!!!! I hate when people say this. Don't take it to heart. Remember everyone is a critic. But, you are the childs mother go with how you want to do things!

Re: Grandma vent/question

Posted by nrthshgrl

Or you could just say "I'm going to do this my way because well - I wasn't raised properly" You know start blaming your mom for silly things like "I can't cook. I think it's because you never held me as a baby."

Re: Grandma vent/question

When my mother gets onmy nerves with comments I always respond with "You had your chance now it's mine" She gets the point right away