Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

As posted on the pregnancy board, I had my second daughter at 37 weeks on 7/19. My water broke at the grocery store so needless to say my planned c-section is canceled for the 28th. I did end up with a c-section, although my water broke and I had contractions I was not dialating and the whole blood clotting issue... well, she arrived tiny but mighty. Stephanie Lynn weighed in at 5 pounds, 11 ounces and 18 inches. Big sister who's a whopping 14 months old loves to give her baby sister kisses on the head. She gets very excited when we bring out the baby. My stay at the hospital was a nightmare again unfortunately - first roommate was an inconsiderate ****** who had various family members stay overnight and they sat up talking all night - every night for 3 of the nights I was there. Not even whispering and I asked for them to keep it down, she mocked me and continued. I walked the halls at 4am and even told a nurse - I'm going to sleep on Community Drive - it's probably quieter. The nurses tried talking to her but she felt I should leave - but there were no rooms left. Anyway, the roommate on the last night was super nice, but they moved her in at 1am... so not one night was a full night of sleep. I had wanted to rest at night so as to ensure a good recovery for the sake of my kids. Oh well, now I'll be up every night till #2 sleeps through the night.

With that said, I'm not sure if other mom's with more than one child have gone through this, but thought I'd share and maybe get some peace of mind. I'm SO wheepy this go around. I know exactly why I am wheepy, and I have no feelings of depriving the kids of anything or even myself so my doctor reassured me it's not really PPD. However, now that there's a new baby in the house, I find myself trying to remember all I did 14 months ago with DD. On the one hand there are times I can't remember things - like how long I sterilized bottles and nipples for before just hand washing them after use. This leads me to feelings of sadness and guilt - sadness b/c of the realization my first born who I just could not ask for a better baby - is no longer an infant... that phase of her life is gone forever and it makes me so sad. On the other hand I feel guilt - not writing enough in my baby book or just not remembering exactly when we took the bumper out of the crib and I feel bad b/c this means that I don't recall details of my daughter's first year of life... how could this be - it's not like she's 5. So I'm mad at myself for all this. I cry a lot. However, it hasn't stopped me from taking care of the kids or myself - hence the doctor feels it will pass. In fact, another reason for my feelings of guilt revolve around my recovery from the c-section. I want to do so much more for my family, but I can't until I recover. I can't even pick up my 14 month old. I want to so bad. I want to play with her and hold her. I feel useless. DH was vacuuming the other day and I was pointing to spots he missed like some sort of princess. I wanted to just vacuum myself rather than give orders. My mom came over and did some laundry for us. My dad made us food, my babysitter made us food. I'm so grateful and yet feel so un-needed. That and this past year went by too fast and I worried about things that weren't important in retrospect. I don't know - you'd think DD#1 went off to college or something the way I feel. But I sit up racking my brain about when she did different things. I have some things filled out in the baby book but I should have written more down. Can't get any of it back now.

Now for questions - how long do you have to sterilize bottles and nipples for? How many do you keep around so not as to have to sterilize constantly? After every use? Once a week? Can't remeber this. I know we kept changing bottles till we found something we like and was the easiest to clean and DD didn't spit up. Not that I can remember exactly when the spit up stopped, guess it was probably at a time when her tummy could handle what we gave her and her brain matured enough to turn away that last ounce or 2.

I breastfed in the hospital but decided it's not going to work now that I'm home.... how long before your milk dries up and your breasts are no longer sore? That's another little area of guilt... I decided to give it up when my OB said I was anemic and DD being early had some jaundice. I didn't feel it was the best combination.... I mean DD#2 is a peanut compared to DD#1 at birth. She's teeny tiny. Needless to say - just one day at home yesterday having 2 ounces or more every 3 hours and 4 hours at night - today she was actually 1 ounce more than her birth weight even though she like they all do - lost 5 ounces in the hospital. Anyway, I need my reserves to recover from surgery is my attitude... the fast I heal the better for the kids ulimately. However, I pumped 3 x's a day for DD #1 for 3 weeks until I couldn't take it anymore, it took forever for me to recover and when I gave up things improved as far as how I felt overall but I still felt guilty. Even though I went into this knowing I was not going to push the BFing issue, I still feel bad.

Lastly - those who had sections and have other kids at home... did you really not pick up your other young kids for a month? I heard like crazy how with the subsequent sections you recover faster... people talk about being back on their feet in a matter of days. I feel better this time than last time and don't want to over do it to the point I set myself back.... but I want to understand how other's have managed - especially with 2 under 2... or even in my case 2 under 15 months??? Any advice here would be wonderful.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

I don't have much experience since I only have 1 DC right now, but wanted to send you lots of Don't beat yourself up! Unless you wrote down every little detail of DC#1's life, there is no way you could possibly remember all of that! Please give yourself a break! As far as the sterilizing goes, I think if the bottles are new you are to boil them for 5 minutes. After that are used I think it's just a few minutes.

Good Luck and try not to beat yourself up! Just like with DD#1, you will fall into somewhat of a schedule and it will all work out.

ETA: I forgot to say CONGRATS!!!

Message edited 7/25/2009 8:55:45 PM.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

First of all, congratulations!

Mine are 16 months apart- so I admire you having them 14 months apart- trust me, every month makes a difference in terms of how it takes to manage them!


I think its your hormones and a bit of the baby blues- I was so sick myself with PPD initially that I could honestly care less about remembering DS's first year- I was so wrapped up in coping. But, I remember him screaming for me to come to him and I was on the couch trying to nurse DD and in so much pain from her latch that I broke down and cried. DS was pretty traumatized from my 4 nights in the hospital- he wouldn't let me out of his sight for two weeks and the guilt I felt combined with the pain of nursing made me quit. I have no regrets- I needed to get well, make life as easy as possible for my son- he needed me to be happy and functioning ASAP and that was more important than giving DD breastmilk. So please, don't feel gulty about the breastfeeding. As for feeling guilty about not remembering things- I feel that too now- I can't remember WHEN DS did things but I remember pictures in my mind of him and I try and tell myself that is more important- the MOMENTS more than the WHEN......Being a 2 under 2 mom is VERY hard in the beginning and please feel proud of yourself that your children are loved and cared for- that is what matters more than a baby book.

I started picking up DS about a week after when I came home- just into the crib because I still rocked him- but he walked at 10 months so by 16 months when DD came he was very sturdy on his feet so I didn't really pick him up much- to comfort I knelt down for about a month and saved picking him up for our bedtime rocking.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

I just sent you a FM.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

First off, congrats!! Secondly, why would the hospital allow family members to sleep over??? That's crazy! You needed all the rest you can get. Don't be so hard on yourself. You just got home, you are doing the best you can. As far as your questions, mine weren't that close together, but I'm pretty sure I did end up picking up my first son sooner than I was supposed to (I had a c-section.)

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

I'm editing just to say thank you for the encouragement. I originally went on a bit and I think I made myself seem like some kind of monster. I'm working on not beating myself up so much. It's hard realizing they are only babies snuggling in your arms for a short time. Now she's a toddler who'll hand out hugs and then move on to go play with what caught her eye.

Message edited 7/26/2009 8:51:47 AM.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

Take it easy on yourself. You are only one person and can only do so much. You can't do everything for DD#2 that you did for DD#1, you have a whole different life now with 2. Do the best you can. If they are both fed, clean and have clean diapers, you are doing OK.

I only sterilized the bottles the first time I used them and I think the nipples I did a second time after I used them for about a month or so. I just hand washed everything and then once we moved, put it all in the dishwasher. You really don't need to sterilize them everytime and I found it to be a big PITA.

Re: Had baby #2 - lots of questions and concerns... mom's with 2 under 2 especially, please lend your advice

i have 2 dc's and am pregnant with number 3, my second 2 will be 13 months apart and these are my fears as well...
first i want to say congratulations..im sure youre doing a fabulous job, and did the same with your first dc...dont beat yourself up..i think we (moms who have 2 so quickly) are blessed with them so close because WE CAN handle this..
i dont have too much advice yet. and someone answered the sterilization question..but i just wanted to tell you to hang in there