Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

A good friend of mine, she was in my wedding, who has an 18 mo old DD has been distancing herself from me.

I can only think it's b/c she is envious that I am a SAHM and she "has" to work. I can't blame her, but I shouldn't be to blame. I can honestly say I envy her, b/c they have a house and we're in an apartment.

It just kind of hurts, you'd think she would understand! I mean I have tried to make plans to gtg w/ her and she's always busy.

Just a little

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Yes. It was my choice since 2 of my "friends", both of whom were in my wedding party never even came to see my new baby. I didn't go to either of their showers (for different reasons), so they didn't come to mine. But once their babies were born, I went over to their houses and brought gifts and acknowledged their new little babies. They never even called me to see if I had my baby (15 months ago). So, they're done as far as I'm concerned.

p/s - they were both best friends before I met them, so I guess they came into my life as a "team" and they'll go out that way too.

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

yes! Ive lost touch with people who have a different parenting style because we tend to disagree on many things and since motherhood is such a strong factor in my life right now disagreements can often become more heated which has caused distance.

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

While I have wonderful friends I have learned to "let go" (although hurful!) if the relationship was not there anymore.

People change, circumstances change. We hope things would remain the same but unfortunatelly that's not always the same.

I have found that children/babies are a friendship breaker but also weddings, moving away, etc...

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Posted by smdl

While I have wonderful friends I have learned to "let go" (although hurful!) if the relationship was not there anymore.

People change, circumstances change. We hope things would remain the same but unfortunatelly that's not always the same.

I have found that children/babies are a friendship breaker but also weddings, moving away, etc...

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Yes...I think a lot of it had to do with the fact the I was MIA when we first got home but I really wish that those "friends" would have been more understanding. I was always honest about how difficult and overwhelming it was at first. I feel like they moved on and were done with me.

Now I feel like it's time for me to say I am done with them...very few of them even acknowledged my son's christening. I didn't realize how much that would bother me.

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Posted by MsKitty1274

Posted by smdl

While I have wonderful friends I have learned to "let go" (although hurful!) if the relationship was not there anymore.

People change, circumstances change. We hope things would remain the same but unfortunatelly that's not always the same.

I have found that children/babies are a friendship breaker but also weddings, moving away, etc...

Sophie-

You're right, I just need to "let go"

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Yes, but it's happened even before the kids, mostly because we are older for first time parents.

Most of my friends have had kids for 5 plus years. Because we were the couple w/o kids we weren't invited to most of their gatherings because they are mostly kid centered. We didn't have any so we weren't invited So ladies, don't forget your friends w/o kids.

Now, that we do, it's the same because it's been so long since the baby stage they seem to be "BTDT".
Or, they have kids but just don't understand the logistics with twins and that it's not so easy, sans mini-van, to transport them and double the gear to come to their house... at least at this stage.

DH has some musician friends w/o kids who can't understand why he can't jam any night of the week

I never understood why people who have kids/don't have kids, married/single just can't still hang out but somewhere it must be this unwritten rule. Dumb, if you ask me.

Their comes a point in your life where you make new friends based upon many of your kid's friends and we are entering that stage.

Message edited 8/15/2007 3:24:01 PM.

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Yes. V and I were friends all through middle school and high school. When I found out I was pg she has just enrolled into the army.
I saw her one time after my DS was born and it was like she had never left.
Then fast forward to about 2 years ago and she came home and invited us to dinner. I didn't have a babysitter so I took my DS (who was 2 at the time) and I though we had a great night. DH came afterward to take DS home and we hung out with our other friend. That night ended and I haven't heard from her since.
When I asked our other friend what she thought happened she told me that V said she didn't have a good time with me because I had to bring my kid around. I was different and she just couldn't deal with it.

So good riddance to her!!!!

Re: Have you "lost" any friends since becoming a mom--even those who HAVE kids??

Yes one friend specifically. She has kids and it bothered her that I had twins and she dindn't, really silly if you ask me. Couple that with some insensitive comments about my breast milk supply and that I loved one more then the other since one got formula and the other some breast milk and I have a bad taste in my mouth for her to this day. It was said as a joke but IMO you don't say that to someone who has to concentrate the formula to give to one child since he is so small, and wouldn't latch becuase he was not on food fro 3 weeks. Talk about being supportive and helping someone deal with several issues. Everything is a competition which is annoying too.

Then when she would let her child beat up on and mind and praise her child in front of me that she only hit once? Um yeah that is great.

Things will never be the same and part of it hurts but then the other part of me is not all that surprpised. It just stinks that people can be so insensitive and crappy to others.

I have one friend in particualr who doens not have kids and we have actually become closer. I see her less becuase of where she lives and that I have kids, but she tries to visit us often and really cares about me and my kids. I am so lucky to have her as a friend. What I have lost in quantity, I have tried to make up in quality friends.