Having a hard time...

Ugh I hope this is PMS but...

Had our first days of school this week and I'm just not excited. I used to LOVE my job. I used to get the jitters, care so much about it...
this year I was completely whatever about it.

I know a lot of it has to do with DD and leaving her, especially at her age (14 months). I just feel so depressed and I can't shake it...

But yet, mid-summer I was depressed not being at work! I was depressed at how bored I was because I was running out of things to do with DD and I needed the structure and routine back in my life...

Anyone else feeling like this right now? I feel unmotivated, motionless...it's scaring me, because I remember feeling like this my second year. My first year was exciting, I loved teaching, I got engaged, got married. Came back my second year, felt like a horrible teacher and all the excitement of first-year-teacher, newly engaged was all gone. It took me until February to feel good again.

I guess that's it? All the newness is gone again? Third year of teaching, I was pregnant. Had the baby, came back from Jan-June and had a great half of the year. Kids were thrilled to have me back. Loved my job again. Riley was doing great in daycare (minus the GERMS ).

Well now I go back...and she's more aware and is missing me...and I have so much guilt...and she had two days of a daycare and caught this awful virus and hasn't been back...

Ugh sorry, didn't mean to turn this into the longest vent ever. I just had to get it out.

Thanks for listening

Re: Having a hard time...

Honey, so many hugs to you! I know exactly how you're feeling. Jordan is only 7.5 months and it's killing me to not be home with him right now, although I was going a little crazy in the summer being home with him everyday. Sort of a no win situation. I hate work (oops - wait, I'm not allowed to complain since I have summers off.) Honestly, I just concentrate on the positive - that my day is so busy that I really can't dwell that much on missing him and that we get out relatively early in the afternoon and I have that time with him. My heart hurts for our fellow working mommies who commute into NYC and get home so late at night.

I'm always here to vent to

Re: Having a hard time...

thanks babe I know that's true...we are SO lucky.

I just pray I love my job again! It's hard enough not living near family...my job is pretty much the reason I'm here in NJ!

Re: Having a hard time...

I don't have much advice but think of the positives of having her in daycare. She will learn things and have social skills, so as she gets older she is ok with being away from mom for a bit while she works.

I get bored in the summer also, I love teaching. I also feel guilty. However, in the end it will all work out. Hang in there!

Re: Having a hard time...

I know how you feel. This is my 9th year and the first time I actually came home crying that I can't do it anymore.

I have an awful administration that basically yelled at us for two hours on Tuesday about our numbers and how the city can shut us down.

They are making me teach a government/economics class and I am an English teacher.

I was able to get a job closer to home and my Principal blocked my transfer so now I continue to commute 5 hours a day.

My 3 month old started daycare last week and within two days he had a cold and an ear infection.

My 2 year old cries that she doesn't want to go to school.

It has been a really crappy week. I think I am just burned out.

Hope it gets better for you!

Message edited 9/9/2010 3:01:28 PM.

Re: Having a hard time...

I'm so sorry. I can definitly relate. I just returned last year from being on a 6 year child care leave and had a great first year back. This year my youngest started kindergarten the same day I started teaching in a new school and in Kindergarten. It was so hard for me to concentrate on the little ones who were crying and needing their mommies when all I wanted was to be with my own little one. As soon as I was on break I cried in my room and swore I was quitting.....we're all here to listen!!!! Sending lots of

Re: Having a hard time...

thanks so much for the support ladies, I really appreciate it. I just pray I get out of this funk SOON cuz it feels really really awful. Yesterday was terrible...prep time I felt like I just stared into space and could care less...looked at the clock, was losing my mind dying to get out of there so fast. Ugh I don't wanna feel like that again.

Message edited 9/9/2010 8:13:01 PM.

Re: Having a hard time...

Feel the same way. It's my 6 th year. I attitribute it to having my own kids I just don't care as much. I didn't go in early this year to set up. My classroom is still not ready and the kids started wednesday. I'm kind of over it! I used to love the first few weelks of school now all I think about are my girls and how much I miss them

Re: Having a hard time...

Posted by beautyq115

Feel the same way. It's my 6 th year. I attitribute it to having my own kids I just don't care as much. I didn't go in early this year to set up. My classroom is still not ready and the kids started wednesday. I'm kind of over it! I used to love the first few weelks of school now all I think about are my girls and how much I miss them

Re: Having a hard time...

Tara- I am so sorry you are having a hard time. I think it may be due to the choppiness of the beginning of the year too. Work, off, work, off... I hope it gets better.

As for me, I look at it this way, I had an amazing summer with DS and I thoroughly enjoyed the chance to be home with him for over 2 months. Now, I have to go back to what I love. The beginning of the year is always tough because I have so many new students, but I know it will get better. I also had a really tough bunch last year so this year is so much better already (I didn't have to call parents on the first day of school)!

Re: Having a hard time...

Tara, you know how I feel since I posted a similar thread on Parenting. This is my 10th year teaching and I couldn't be less motivated. I know that it 100% has to do with the fact that I am missing DS. Our kids are the same age and you know just how amazing this age is. All I keep telling myself is that I only work half the year and I'm able to be home with him by 4:15. It helps somewhat to get me through the rough patches. But to be honest, I'm going to need to use some of my sick days to take random days here and there with him. I think it will help me. Looking forward to the weekends and days off are going to be what gets me through. Like you, I am hoping that this wears off soon and I am able to be more excited for work because I am soooo not used to this feeling.

to all of us mommies that don't want to leave our LO!!!