Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Dealing with Ava is still very difficult on a daily basis. She is getting services in Pre-school and there is some improvement.

Brody is a sweet, sweet baby.

However, I am feeling very trapped.

I was happy when I went back to work 2 years ago. It was a break from the house, and to be honest-Ava. It was also nice to be out in the real world, to get dressed nicely and to be with adults.

Believe me, I wanted Brody more than anything, but I feel like I am back to square one again. I quit working when I was pg with him because I was soooo sick and haven't gone back.

Being at home and schlepping around in sweats is not fun!!!! Taking them out is not easy either.

Here is an example of what I go through to go someplace:

Ava has to pick just the right jacket, socks, shoes, hair accessory, purse and doll.

Then, she has to zipper her coat by herself. This can take several minutes and can end in a meltdown if there is any difficulty.

Then I stuff Chunky Boy into his snow suit and the screaming starts. I have to carry him to the car and strap him into the convertible car seat, because at 3 1/2 months and almost 20lbs, my hernias pop out every that I lift him into the car - so no more infant carrier.

Then Ava wonders around the yard and makes her way to the car. She gets in and has to take off the coat that she just spent 10 minutes putting on, because she won't wear it in the car???!!

Brody is still screaming, and continues to scream any time that the car stops- lights, stop signs, traffic, etc..

Then we get to where we are going. Ava has to start the entire coat process again, oh yeah..did I mention Brody is screaming again?????

It is pretty much not worth it to go anywhere, but staying at home is driving me nuts...

So, my question is, should I go back to work, or is it not fair to do to Brody, since I was home with Ava for 2 1/2 years??

I know that when I was on maternity leave with Ava and I was suppossed to go back to work, and decided not to, I was afraid because money was tight. Now, we are in a better situation financially, and I can stay home. Is it wrong to go back to work if I absolutely don't need to?

Anyone else having a hard time, or do I just not handle things well??? Tell me the truth, I can take it. I am just not enjoying this like I should, and I know that they will be all grown up someday, and I will wish that I appreciated this time with them.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

I don't have much advice for you...

What about if you get Ava into the car first? That way she doesn't have time to wander around the yard and get you frustrated? Also, I found that something that helped Kristina with the screaming in the car seat - I feel like it went on forever - thing was a mirror so that she could see.... I got the FP rainforest one that lights and has songs?

I don't even know what to tell you about going back to work... Hope you can stay strong until you figure out what you want to do...

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Sounds like youre really just having a rough time right now.

No advice.. but

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

I very rarely post but when I read this I had too. I am having a very difficult day also so I can relate in some ways. I have a 16 month DD and am a few weeks pregnant so I am extremely cranky these days. My husband works from 9am to 9pm so I am with her all day (I am the one to change all her diapers, feed her all her meals, play with her, deal with her temper tanturms). I work only 3 hours a week and part of me is really craving to go back to work because there are days I just can't take it and I only have one child right now. It just took me an hour to get to bed and by 9pm I am exhausted and beyond cranky and then get mad at DD for not going to bed when I want her too.
Unfortunately I guess I have no advice for you becasue I am feeling the same way as you are today.
Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!!!

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

WOW are we living the same life??? I am still working but when I get home from work it's all me. Squish is not sleeping and I am running on empty but that sounds like my life. I am just praying I can get through the first year because I know it will get better, because it has to!!

FM anytime you want to talk

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Hi Tara, I'm sorry this is such a hard time right now First off, I only have 1 so let me say you mommies of 2 and more little ones are my HEROS, I am utterly baffled as to how you all do so much, when my day is completely CONSUMED with the little nugget.
So, just a few rambling thoughts.... I think there's a heck of a lot going 'right' as I read your story,but maybe a few tweaks will give you the peace of mind you're seeking... It almost seems like Ava is doing anything to get a little extra mommy time, you know, even 'acting up' so that you must focus on her instead of Brody?? It sounds like there might be more complex issues going on maybe but perhaps if you can make a 'date' to be just with her once or twice a week that would help her calm down and feel secure; it's got to be kind of scary when you go from being the moon and the stars for 2.5 yrs to suddenly having to share your favorite people with this needy little baby...
I also know my friend's DD was a monster about picking her own clothes so the deal they came to is that mommy lays out 2 outfit choices at night, which she picks from the next morning. THat's the deal, no negotiating outside of the proffered outfits. It took a few days but it's working great for them now.

As for going back to work, that's an absolutely FINE choice if it's really what you want?? But you sound a little 'on the fence' about that tonight, which is OK too.
I'm a total rookie so I don't know if I'm any help but some of the 2+ moms are sure to have some tips for you...

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Posted by Lucky

Posted by avamamma

Now, we are in a better situation financially, and I can stay home. Is it wrong to go back to work if I absolutely don't need to?

You may just be feeling overwhelmed right now so I wouldn't make a life changing decision at this time. I just wanted to respond to your question about if it is wrong to go back. Honestly, your well-being is more important than finances. If you feel that going back to work would give you satisfaction and happiness that you aren't finding in your current situation, then you are making the right choice for your family. No-one can tell you that what you are feeling is wrong. I applaud you for exploring other avenues that might make you a happier mommy. Remember that you give your kids a part of yourself so if you are incredibly stressed, they feel some of that too.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Ryan is like Ava in that things HAVE to be just right, or the world is coming to an end. He has his good days and bad, and on the bad, which seem to happen in clumps, I seriously need to be away from him sometimes. It may sound bad to some, but it's the truth. I love him dearly, but he is utterly draining, and then I feel bad for having those feelings.

I work full time, and although I wish more than anything I could be a stay at home mom, there are days that I need a break. It's exhausting. I remember when I was on maternity leave, and loving the fact that I was home, at the same time I had moments where I would have given anything to go back to work because it was easier!

I think as mothers we put so much pressure on ourselves, but we are human and get stressed, tired, and it's all normal. And when you have a child that needs more attention and patience than the average one, it happens.

I know exactly what you are talking about when it comes to getting out of the house. I can't even count how many times I have packed my kids up to go out, get to the store, to have Ryan have a MAJOR meltdown over nothing.

The point to my long winded post is that what you are feeling is normal. And if you have to take a few moments for you (even if that is taking a job) then go for it! You can always stop working if you don't like it. Sometimes you really need to take a step away and "miss" the situation to really appreciate it.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

In my opinion a happy mommy is a better mommy.

If having time with adults and working will make you happy, that will make you a better mommy to both of them.

It's a tough, tough decision, but I realized very quickly that I wasn't "built" to be a SAHM.

It's just not me. There are definitely days when I wish I could just stay home and cuddle with him, but on the whole, I'm a much better mom because I'm a working mom.


I think you should spend a little time by yourself with a good old fashioned pro-con list - but make it about YOU not about the family overall and see what it says.

Good luck.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

How about working p/t? Or even getting an evening job. That way you get some adult conversation in and a break from the kids. Maybe the baby is screaming from the snowsuit? Try putting him in the carseat without the snowsuit and covering him with a blanket. He might be just too hot. I know DD used to get fussy when she was too warm.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Is part time work an option for you?

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

I don't have any advice for you but I will say that I am able to stay home . my DH moved into another position so we would be comfortable. whn i was home i was not really happy. I love my son but I felt something was missing. now My inlaws are able to watch him, they love it! I decided to go back to work and we are now extremely comfortable financially. I'm tired and exhausted all the time but it's so worth it.

I wish I could have stayed home w/ him but at the same time it's better for me to get out of the house!

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Posted by Summerrluvv

How about working p/t? Or even getting an evening job. That way you get some adult conversation in and a break from the kids. Maybe the baby is screaming from the snowsuit? Try putting him in the carseat without the snowsuit and covering him with a blanket. He might be just too hot. I know DD used to get fussy when she was too warm.

Re: Having a hard time, could really use some advice/lifting up.

Posted by leighla

In my opinion a happy mommy is a better mommy.

If having time with adults and working will make you happy, that will make you a better mommy to both of them.

It's a tough, tough decision, but I realized very quickly that I wasn't "built" to be a SAHM.

It's just not me. There are definitely days when I wish I could just stay home and cuddle with him, but on the whole, I'm a much better mom because I'm a working mom.


I think you should spend a little time by yourself with a good old fashioned pro-con list - but make it about YOU not about the family overall and see what it says.

Good luck.