having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

I feel like I am having a mental breakdown at work. About a month ago, my supervisor totally outted me – gave me a written warning due to a misinterpreted incident with someone I had a conversation with (who is not employed by my company.) She turned it into this huge thing about how I’m a bad communicator and that my performance is falling short of expectation. Meanwhile, I have received nothing but compliments from her. My poor communication was about how I am rude BUT she thinks EVERYONE is rude and has told me so. She put in that I dress inappropriately b/c I represent a luxury brand and I don’t dress luxury (meaning expensive designer clothes rather than my biz casual attire from stores like gap and banana republic.) I even asked her if this one incident hadn’t happened, would she have written me up anyway. She just looked down and would not give me in answer. I interpret that as a no. Now, I second guess everything I say to her, fearing that anything that is not overly sugar-y sweet will end up on a report. Yesterday I burst into tears talking to one of my friends at work (I trust him) and he told me that I need to speak to HR about this for guidance. He told me how shocked he was by my boss’ behavior given a recent bad experience she went thru at work, though he would not give me details. And this is the kicker – when I spoke briefly to HR, the VP was extremely surprised that my boss had written anything other than this one incident about my conversation with the other person, and I’m telling you this other person totally blew it out of proportion just b/c he’s got a huge ego. I told her how my boss has done nothing but compliment me, and I supplied written documentation of this (past emails) demonstrating this and that my boss even flat out told me how pleased she was by me. HR is looking for this report and then we will talk further. I am just so incredibly hung up by this whole situation – my friend said that I am letting my boss rent space in my head that she doesn’t deserve and I know he is right. Does anyone have any ideas as to how I am supposed to get over this?

Re: having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

This isnt the greatest advice, but if I was in the situation and it didnt get better, I would look for a new job. I wouldnt be able to work on egg shells like that!

Re: having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

I have been there. It's hard to just go along with your day when this is in your head.

I have a feeling that you will be around much longer than your boss. I've seen it happen.

Know that you have done everything you are supposed to and you can't do anymore. Most importantly, you can't prepare for something that is unknown.

For now, go along with your day knowing that you have put things in motion to correct the situation.

Hang though as hard as this is. Remain professional no matter what you do.

btw..do they pay you enough to dress fancy? My guess would be that none of us are paid enough for that. As long as you appear neat and professional you should be fine.

You are good at what you do, you represent your firm in a professional manner and you should be proud of yourself.

Keep in touch with HR. Also, try not to talk about it too much with your co-workers.

Re: having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

Keep your HR rep in the loop! Keep a record of all e-mails exchanged between you and your boss. Make sure you keep a professional attitude- you dont want to give her any ammunition to use against you.

Good Luck!!

Re: having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

i'm waiting for HR to get back to me. My boss has been here for 8 years so I'm not sure she's going anywhere so fast but I imagine there will be problems if HR looks at the report and my rebuttal and back-up documentation isn't there when I said I sent it. (Meaning, IF my boss pulled it out right before the file went out.)

This is a relatively new job, and a good one...the best benefits I've ever seen, good work/life balance etc. but if things don't get better in a year, i probably will start looking again.

Re: having a tough time dealing with a situation - need advice

Im sorry that you are dealing with that

I hope that HR does something or it gets better in hopes that you will not have to look for another job.

ETA: Im sorry, no advice to offer.
I just couldnt work for someone like that.
I rather take a pay cut and work in a happy enviornment.

Message edited 8/28/2007 11:16:15 AM.