Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Yesterday we were late for preschool because of her dawdling. She told me to "Go away please" when I told her to stop playing with her blocks & eat breakfast/get dressed. Today we get her ready for soccer (after battling about breakfast) and she doesn't want to go with DH because his shirt has buttons and she doesn't like buttons. Personally, if I were DH I just would have changed my shirt, but he refuses to give in to her madness. He's probably right, but she ended up missing soccer. I don't know how we should have handled it. I'm still mad and now DH is in his office pouting about it. DD thinks she's going to soccer soon. I keep telling her that it's too late & it's over now. Maybe we should have forced her to go with him in his shirt with buttons. Ugh!!!!! Any advice??? Everything is a battle lately. breakfast, lunch & dinner is ridiculous.

Message edited 11/7/2009 12:09:20 PM.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Ok, I'm going to tell you how we deal with the ridiculousness over here. First of all, there are some things in this house that are just not negotiable. Being on time for school is NOT negotiable. Anything we pay for her to go to is NOT negotiable.
We firmly stand behind all of our decisions with her, especially when they cause a hissy fit because those are the times that she needs to see how serious we are. So my first piece of advice is do not shy away from a tantrum. You need to show her that you are in charge and her ridiculous demands are not going to dictate your day, your routine and the things she needs to do.
So, here's what we do: She gets a choice. Eat your breakfast now or you'll lose your bedtime books (replace it with something your dd really cares about).
We'll say, "Ava, either you get in the car yourself and we have a good day, or I put you in the car and you lose your tv time today. Which one is it going to be?"
9 times our of 10, she chooses to do the right thing because we have followed through on her consequences to a T. We never tell her one thing and not do it. Even if I have to listen to her whine all evening because she's not allowed to watch tv, it's worth it because the next time I give her that choice, she'll make the right one.
I'm not saying it's perfect, but I refuse to give into a three year old. It's just not an option. Once you and DH make the decision that you are in charge and you are willing to deal with the fall out if she chooses a tantrum, then things will start to get better.
One thing I know about my daughter is that she will always test her boundaries and push the limits, but because we're so firm on what we expect, she will only push and test so much.
Now that we've established the fact that certain behaviors are not acceptable with her, she tests us less and less.
I'm a true believer that all children crave boundaries because it's less confusing for them.
When you give in sometimes, then not others, it leaves them confused about what's ok and what's not.
Yes, we're tough, but I think in the end, we're all happier for it.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Thank you Rachel. That's really great advice. We'll definitely try that next time.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

ITA with Rachel!

And definitely follow through - if it's a promised reward or a punishment, it needs to be followed through.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

I agree with Rachael.

DD is 4 & for the past year+ she's been incredibly stubborn & has turned every little thing into a battle. She drives us nuts sometimes. I have learned that giving in only makes it worse, like for example changing the shirt because she doesn't like buttons. Kids at this age are looking to see what they can get away with & if you give in to something, they will just try to push it even further the next time.

We take the same approach mentioned. "You can either do X like you're supposed to or you can keep misbehaving & lose TV/toys/privilidges." In certain situations, she'll get a reward for behaving. Then you have to follow through should they keep misbehaving. That's where DH & I differ. If I say no TV today, I mean it. He gives in when she starts having tantrum part II over the fact that she can't watch TV

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

I also want to add that right around Ava's third birthday, she was an absolute beast. I mean, like head spinning, horns growing out of her head beast of a child. As she gets closer to 3.5, she's so mellow compared to just a few months ago. I've read that around their birthdays, they have hormone surges that cause their behavior to be very erratic and that it calms down near their half birthday. i've definitely found that to be true with Ava.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Thanks for the good advice Rachel - even though this isn't my thread! I have a newly turned 3 year old and she can drive me nuts. Everything has to be her way, and the way she dawdles while trying to get her ready for school can make me want to jump out a window.

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

I never give in to nonsense....Kerri knows that now. Just like Rach I follow through on every threat I make....if that situation happened with Kerri I would not have had DH change his shirt and if she missed soccor...oh well. Now if we were going someplce I had to go and she pulled that, Kerri would be placed in the car kicking and screaming....she has to know that
A) The world doesn't conform to her every whim
B) For every bad choice there is a consequence

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Rach gave you great advice.

I wanted to say you aren't alone Jaidy acts the same way. Her new thing is to tell me she doesn't have feet and I need to carry her everywhere
Plus all she ever wants to wear is pink dresses and eat pink food, wear pink socks...you get the picture

Re: Help! My almost 3 year old is driving me insane

Posted by Stacey1403

Rach gave you great advice.

I wanted to say you aren't alone Jaidy acts the same way. Her new thing is to tell me she doesn't have feet and I need to carry her everywhere
Plus all she ever wants to wear is pink dresses and eat pink food, wear pink socks...you get the picture