Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Message edited 3/15/2010 11:23:49 PM.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Sorry, I posted wrong!

Message edited 2/15/2010 10:16:59 AM.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I don't think you are overreacting at all. I would be very upset too. It is such a tough time and a tough thing to go through, and you just want your friends to listen and understand... but when they make comments like that, it's almost like you wish you never opened up to them.... ugh!

Take heart that there are people who will be able to listen and provide some sympathy and understanding, without the insensitive comments. Hang in there! We are here for you!

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

oh Rachel I am so so sorry. I totally get where you are coming from. To be honest I have really found that I can't talk to my family and most of my friends. I truly believe unless you have been through it that you have ZERO idea what it's like...and I am talking either women who can't get pregnant and women who have suffered miscarriages. Both are going through hard times...I have found so much support in my internet friends. I am on here, and there is a group of women I talk to on twitter...even have a group chat room on Sunday and Wednesday nights (if any of you want to join) It's so much easier to talk there. My mom went as far to tell me this weekend (on my original due date) that I might need to see a therapist...I was like mom it's ok for me to be sad..I don't need a therapist..lol so I don't talk to her about it. I talk to my husband, like 1 friend, and you girls.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I'm so sorry you are going through this with your friends. Can I ask if these people have had children yet? or pregnant? I ask because one of my friends who had a very easy time getting pregnant said some AWFUL and I mean AWFUL things about her SIL. Her SIL lost her baby at 7 months pregnant. Honestly shes selfish, always has been. But I keep trying to tell myself maybe its because she doesn't "get" it. She doesn't understand the emotional ruin such a loss leaves behind.

I'm not a very open person so I don't talk about anything, barely even this pregnancy because I'm afraid to "jinx" it. But I see this happening with my brother, which I know is a different thing, but my brother and I are very close and he opens up to me about some of his friends. He was diagnosed with cancer, and his friends don't call or ask about it. I tell him that maybe its because they don't know what to say or maybe they feel like they will never be able to say the right thing so they don't say anything at all?

I say that because I hope that maybe is the case with some of your friends, that they really do feel for you but can't put it into words, and don't want to upset you. However that one girl who you speak to on the phone, and brought things up and told you that BS crap, honestly she's selfish and will never change. You don't tell somebody when they are going through something horrible that other people have it worse! There will always be someone to have it worse, that doesn't mean that what you are going through doesn't HURT! She doesn't deserve your friendship

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I agree...I was going to say some of this but I didn't know how....I feel that it has to be the same with other hard things...like loss of parents or friends, or someone with an illness. No one can know what they go through either...and sometimes it's hard and/or uncomfortable to talk about it.

But I think it's different when you talk about a good friend. You expect them to be there for you...you want them to listen and to understand...but I will be honest..I don't think they EVER say anything right. My mom asked what she can say when I wrote that post about never saying "relax" to a person...and I told her her all she needs to do is listen to me..and then say "that sucks!" that's all I want...no advice just for her to listen. and I think friends think that they have to SAY something, but thats not the case...I don't want advice...I just want to talk it out...

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I have to admit before having a miscarriage I had no idea how devestating it really felt. My best friend had one last year. I was there for her but now I know I could have done a lot more.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Welcome back!
I agree with Jen...I never really felt like I could talk about it with anyone because I really don't think people understand unless they've been through it. And I think sometimes people say things *thinking* that they are being helpful even though their comments are far from helpful. Even after getting pg again, people continue to say dumb sh!t...my MIL said something last week that had me FUMING. I was like, "ummm...do you not remember what I went through??" So I definitely don't think you're overreacting. And especially your one friend, obviously I don't know her but the things she said, and the fact that she didn't ask any questions about what you are going through, she sounds kind of inconsiderate. I'm sorry you're going through this.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I also have had 2 losses and agree that it is very hard to understand what someone is going through until you have been there. I find it easier to talk to friends who have also had miscarriages...others just don't understand. Also, I am on Lovenox now, hoping for a successful pregnancy this time - the shots are not too bad if you do have to take them.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I'm sorry you're upset. I know how you feel, my best friend hasn't called me since I let her know I was miscarrying, not even a text message, but I'm sure my phone will ring when she has to call me about dresses for her wedding. I am so ****** at her for being such a careless selfish person!!

To make matters worse, I had a party this weekend and 2 people from my sis in laws family "congratulated" me, guess my sis in law didnt tell them I miscarried, which makes me more ****** it I was so early on, nobody outside the family was supposed to know about my pregnancy, she spilled the beans but didn't deliver the bad news. I was in tears yesterday, I wanted to punch her out!!!!

Hang in there, we're all here when you're feeling down

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I can totally relate to your email and everyone's responses. It's unbelieveable how ppl either say the wrong thing or they act like nothing happened!

I began to realize this is really the only place we can truly be ourselves and get the support we need. I am here for you, any time you want to vent or chat.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Posted by babylove628

I'm sorry you're upset. I know how you feel, my best friend hasn't called me since I let her know I was miscarrying, not even a text message, but I'm sure my phone will ring when she has to call me about dresses for her wedding. I am so ****** at her for being such a careless selfish person!

To make matters worse, I had a party this weekend and 2 people from my sis in laws family "congratulated" me, guess my sis in law didnt tell them I miscarried, which makes me more ****** it I was so early on, nobody outside the family was supposed to know about my pregnancy, she spilled the beans but didn't deliver the bad news. I was in tears yesterday, I wanted to punch her out!!!!

Hang in there, we're all here when you're feeling down

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

Posted by Siren77


I began to realize this is really the only place we can truly be ourselves and get the support we need. I am here for you, any time you want to vent or chat.

Message edited 2/15/2010 8:28:00 PM.

Re: Hey Girls, I am back from work trip and feeling down!

I am so thankful for this post... I have been away from the boards while I was waiting for AF after my mc. I totally agree that sometimes all we want and need is to be listened too and feel acknowledged. I love the '" this sucks" I may have to share that with my sis and mom. I also agree that before my own loss I don't think I said and did enough for my friend who has been having a super hard time. I did admit this to her because I felt so horrible. The worst words are relax and don't think about it-yeah right!!! I know I am still a newbie around here but I am thankful you are all here!