How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

Every day, when we do something ds doesn't like (i.e. make him stop playing to take a bath etc), he tells us how much he hates us, how he wants a new mommy/daddy etc. 10 minutes later he will tell us he loves us. Often we ignore it, but honestly, I am getting really tired of hearing how much my child hates me. Right now, DS was supposed to clean up his toys before bath. He had an allotted time - the entire time he sat there yelling at us, while we ignored it, until the timer went off and we told him he lost his show before bed because he didn't clean up, and still had to take a bath. He then started yelling at us how much he hates us etc. I am thinking the ignoring is not working lately! This is very frustrating. After he calms down, I tell him that he hurt my feelings etc. But he does it again an hour later. Any suggestions?

ETS: DS is 4

Message edited 1/13/2013 7:19:16 PM.

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

I'm sorry youre dealing with this. I feel bad asking this but where does he hear words like those? My 4yo started using new, more negative language when he started preschool and when I'd hear words like 'hate', I'd stop everything we were doing and tell him that's not a word we use in our family and wanted to know where he learned that word. Turns out a kid at school said it about another kid - so sad that it happened in preK!
I think if my son was talking to me the way yours is, I'd ask him where he learned to speak like that and tell him that's not how he is to speak to his parents. I'd acknowledge his feelings of frustration and/or anger but remind him that we should speak to each other in loving ways and not hurt each others' feelings. Hth

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

I a m sure he heard it in Pre k from other kids. He likes to get reactions out of people both positive and negative. So I a sure if it got a reaction somewhere he usually continues it. We have said we do not use those words but he loves to use shocking words!!!

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

I would try to change my reaction if he is saying things to get a reaction from you. It is hurtful for him to say that to you, but like the pp I would explain we don't say we "hate" in our home either. I am sorry you are going through this and that he is saying those things to you. At this point, I would see if you can redirect him before he gets into a bad mood. While I do give my kids time warnings, I don't actually use a timer. I just look at a clock and give a 5 minute warning.

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

My DH has 2 daughters and he quotes Everybody Loves Raymond that you aren't a parent til your kids say they hate you!

That being said, when DS says it, maybe I'm awful.... But, I laugh. I laugh, and then I tease him. I say in a high pitched dramatic whiny tone "mommy is the worst mommy in the whole world because she doesn't let me stay up all night watching tv/get filthy so I stink/leave my toys wherever I want/etc" I then say in the same whiny tone "and she was SO awful when she got me (insert favorite toy here). Such a mean mommy! I'm going to trade her in for a better mommy that...." Eventually he laughs along. He has a very jokey personality though so it works. It usually goes in a direction where he's helping me tell the story of the better mommy, and going to the new mommy store and him not having enough money, but then the mommy he CAN afford has the same rules that I do. Oh well.... I find laughing and asking a joke out of most things makes a lot of these bratty issues go away!

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

When things calm down I would stop telling him how he hurt your feelings etc... I think he may be getting reinforced by the attention. Try leaving it at its not okay that you did A, B, C and D. See if things change.

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

I have a 4 yo as well, and he says I Hate this, I hate that. He just started it and it's getting annoying. 2 days ago, he said he was going to run away if I put him to bed early again No idea where he would get that from. This is new to me, not sure what to do/ say

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

Unfortunately, it is so normal at this age...kids learn new words (and don't even know what they really mean) and they are also testing their boundaries.

The word hate is not allowed at our house. This is what I tell my kids. I truly "hate" the word They did say it a couple of times to see if they could get away with it, but they really don't say it anymore (4 and 5). I just really explained how much the word hurts and so forth.

The other day, my 4 year old was mad at me, and said, I hope you die. I was crushed, but he had no idea what "die" means. This is where parenting get super hard...but we decided to explain to him that die is a mean word bc you will never see the person again etc, etc. I was so hesitant to do this bc god forbid something happened to someone and they died, of course I would have to explain it in a different way, where they are still around you and love you, etc.

It's so hard

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

Its just a phase most likely. DS used to do that alot and it has lessened more and more. I remember it hurting my feelings at first but its kind of like the boy who cried wolf... after I while I just

Let him know it hurts you, he doesnt want to hurt his mommy. And ask him how he would feel if you said you wanted a better kid? I think I went a little too far one time and said to DS that there are ALOT of worse mommies out there and then had to dodge the 100000 questions about how/what the other bad mommies did.

Re: How do I get my kid to stop saying how bad we are/how much he hates us?

My son went through that phase when he was about the same age. We just kept saying that we don't use words like that. That he was welcome to be angry, but he had no right to speak to us like that. Thank god he outgrew it. My little one will say mean things like that occasionally and we just remind him that its mean.