How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

DH's parents moved back to Poland in May, but his mother still has some loose ends to tie up with her retirement so she has to come back to the US in the fall. She wants to come in mid- to-late October. DH wants her to stay with us. And then the folllowing month his father wants to come visit. DH wants him to stay with us as well (sometimes IL's travel separately to take a break from each other, hehe)

At that point, I will be about six months pg and working day and night and going to grad school (DH will be working and in grad school as well) I will not have time or energy to entertain and my IL's like to be served

My parents have graciously offered to host my IL's when they come to town as my dad is retired and would probably enjoy the company. DH, though, wants his parents to stay with us.

How do I convince him to let them stay with my parents three miles away?

Also, he tells me that he wants them to stay with us when they come for the baby's christening. By the we won't even have a guest room but he says they can sleep on an air mattress in the living room. I don't think he understands all of the things that we will have in the house with a new baby. There will be no room for an air mattress.

Why is he so stubborn about them staying with us???????

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Thats a tough one - if it were me (which it isn't) I would probably not have a problem with them staying. Do you get along with your IL's? If you didn't then maybe I could see an issue but if you get along well, then I don't understand why they can't stay. JMO

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

What is you suggest they stay part of the time with you and part with your parents. If DH insists they stay with you I would have a candid chat with him and explain that you will not have the time or energy to cater to them, cook all meals, etc.

My inlaws are kind of the same way...must be a Polish thing! Anyway, they are all about coming to visit and sitting around and not really doing much of anything. Really nice people, just in small doses. Plus they are also the "lets just blow up the air mattresss type" which drives me nuts since I hate doing that at peopls' houses and much prefer staying at a hotel!

As for the Christening, we had an agreement that NO ONE would stay with us that weekend...anyone that needed a place to say would have to stay in a hotel. You have to remember that you will be getting up in the middle of the night and will be so annoyed if your house is not your own. The last thing you need is someone crashing on the floor in your living room when you need to take care of the baby or get yourself something to drink or whatever in the middle of the night.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I would tell DH again that you dont have a problem with them staying with us but that you think they might enjoy it better with your parents because they will have some bonding time together and go out and do things. Maybe make it clear that you will not have time to entertain them. As far as the christening. I agree that they shouldn't be here and I would wait to press that issue until the baby is born and then he will see how much stuff comes with that little bundle of joy. And even if you dont need it, it doesn't hurt to put it out to take up a little bit of room .

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Posted by ddunne2

What is you suggest they stay part of the time with you and part with your parents. If DH insists they stay with you I would have a candid chat with him and explain that you will not have the time or energy to cater to them, cook all meals, etc.

My inlaws are kind of the same way...must be a Polish thing! Anyway, they are all about coming to visit and sitting around and not really doing much of anything. Really nice people, just in small doses. Plus they are also the "lets just blow up the air mattresss type" which drives me nuts since I hate doing that at peopls' houses and much prefer staying at a hotel!

As for the Christening, we had an agreement that NO ONE would stay with us that weekend...anyone that needed a place to say would have to stay in a hotel. You have to remember that you will be getting up in the middle of the night and will be so annoyed if your house is not your own. The last thing you need is someone crashing on the floor in your living room when you need to take care of the baby or get yourself something to drink or whatever in the middle of the night.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I would have them stay on the weekends with you and then at your parents on the weekdays since your schedules are so crazy.
Your DH can go and have dinner or take his mom out for a meal while you are in school.
i would more "tell her" this is the arrangement than ask her if it is okay. Just tell her that you are getting the room ready, that your dad would love the company and that you will not be home at all and it is unfair to her.

About when you have the baby...the rule is that NO ONE is allowed to sleep in the house unless you ask them too. That was my rule. I never asked anyone

My MIL did not see Molly until she was almost a month old because my SIL and her didn't want to stay in a hotel. I invited her to stay at the house at 4 weeks because I felt up to company at that time. It wasn't even an issue I dealt with. Scott spoke to him family and told them.

Message edited 8/9/2006 9:17:48 PM.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Can I be really horrible and say that I really don't want my MIL staying with me because she will bounce between giving me unsolicited advice about every move I make with my pregnant body "do this, don't do that" and then ask me to make her coffee and do this for her and that for her?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

You are in a very tough situation. I understand because my parents want to come for Thanksgiving (the baby's due 11/4) and I am afraid it will be too much for me. My father is a real PIA and we have issues. He likes to lecture people and thinks he's the world's expert on everything. Ugh!! The other problem is our spare room only has a double bed and that's too small for them. I'm not sure how this will work out.

Good luck!! I wish I had some solutions (for both of us.)

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Posted by SuzyQ

You are in a very tough situation. I understand because my parents want to come for Thanksgiving (the baby's due 11/4) and I am afraid it will be too much for me. My father is a real PIA and we have issues. He likes to lecture people and thinks he's the world's expert on everything. Ugh!! The other problem is our spare room only has a double bed and that's too small for them. I'm not sure how this will work out.

Good luck!! I wish I had some solutions (for both of us.)

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Posted by Juliet

Posted by SuzyQ

You are in a very tough situation. I understand because my parents want to come for Thanksgiving (the baby's due 11/4) and I am afraid it will be too much for me. My father is a real PIA and we have issues. He likes to lecture people and thinks he's the world's expert on everything. Ugh!! The other problem is our spare room only has a double bed and that's too small for them. I'm not sure how this will work out.

Good luck!! I wish I had some solutions (for both of us.)

Hey, our guest room only has a twin bed, too. Hmmm, maybe if we make it SO uncomfortable for them, they will leave after one day.

Do your parents have an alternative place to stay? Do they know the accomodations? Some people think it is great to spend all day and night with family but they are usually not the ones who have to work the next day.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I didn't read the other responses, but I had DH tell ILs flat out that they couldn't stay with us either time. I wanted to start getting into a routine right away. I don't think they were happy but they said that they understood it.

Good luck, I know it's not easy.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I am in exactly the same situation and my dh is just as stubborn. My dh won't even tell me when they are coming cause he knows i will get upset. What I am going to do is have them split there time with my SIL and us. I come home late from work so does my dh so for the most part they will stay the weekdays with my SIL and the weekends with us. I feel bad, but I will feel worse if they have to stay in our house in LI with no way to go out (they don't drive in the US) and bored all the time.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

i am in your boat somewhat - dh's sister and husband (who are not really "kid' people" but are so excited about becoming an aunt and uncle!) want to come as soon as the baby is born...we are currently trying to convince them to come a few weeks later...so wehave time to adjust - or to come for christmas....

I was very lucky that throughout my pg I have been almost complaint free so having guests (which we did frequently thorugh the whole thing) was not a prob.....the martha stewart in me came out many times despite working and all else! good luck!!!

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I don't think you're going to be able to get completely out of having them stay with you, but maybe you can work with your parents- have them take your in-laws during the day so that you don't feel obligated to them and they're not lounging around your apartment all day. If they really annoy you, ask your parents to invite them for dinner to get them out of your hair.
I understand your frustration, but I think you're just going to have to figure out how to make the best of it.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Give them your house and you go stay at your parents!

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Posted by ddunne2

Give them your house and you go stay at your parents!

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

if they are coming separately I can understand them not wanting to stay with your parents - I think they would feel weird since they are alone with your parents.

plus - they are coming from Poland. I doubt they are coming so they can spend time with your parents, they want to see their son and DIL. I understand that you guys won't be around, but why would they want to spend all day with your parents???

sorry, but I am really not seeing the big deal with them staying individually at your place. I am assuming your MIL has been pregnant - I would imagine she knows how tiring and tough it is and you will probably not be up for much.

ETA: I know you were hopefully joking about purposedly making their stay uncomfortable, but if my DH ever said something like that about my parents, I would be livid!

Message edited 8/10/2006 3:28:02 PM.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

I really hope this works out for you. It's not right for MIL to expect you to serve/entertain her when you're working and have school until late every night. Are their flights already all booked? Maybe somehow this situation will work itself out.

As for my situation, my parents booked their flights for Thanksgiving, but there is a silver lining. DH has to be away for work the week after Thanksgiving so my mom is going to stay that week (my dad will go home the Sunday after Thanksgiving). Their flights weren't cheap and I know their intentions are good (my mom wants to help us with Thanksgiving too) so we're going to try to figure out a way that they will be comfortable staying here with us. Now I just pray that this baby won't be late!! If he/she arrives close to the due date (11/4) I'll be very happy.

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

this has been a never ending fiasco of my life. we live in NC, inlaws in FL, my family in NY. Due 12/18. I live in an apt that I haven't seen in weeks, no furniture in it at all. we are going to start househunting next week, all is in the air.

so, everyone wants to spend christmas at my house. First, FIL, BIL and his family said they were coming. Talked FIL into a hotel, he agreed and BIL agreed, then they cancelled. They cancelled because my MIL(they are divorced)and SIL now want to come and stay with us, and of course, why do they get to, and FIL does not.

I said no one ever even called and asked me. I have no idea what is going on. My mother put in for vacation time, but since it is Christmas and she is a nurse, timing is iffy. And add my sisters to the mix...

I came right out and told my FIL that breastfeeding is very important to me. I do not feel like I should be locked up in a bedroom all week long because my boobs are always going to be out.

I have a feeling no one from DH family's wil be coming.

That was super nice of your parents to offer the house. no advice, just hugs

Re: How do I get my MIL to stay somewhere else when she comes?

Posted by Janice

this has been a never ending fiasco of my life. we live in NC, inlaws in FL, my family in NY. Due 12/18. I live in an apt that I haven't seen in weeks, no furniture in it at all. we are going to start househunting next week, all is in the air.

so, everyone wants to spend christmas at my house. First, FIL, BIL and his family said they were coming. Talked FIL into a hotel, he agreed and BIL agreed, then they cancelled. They cancelled because my MIL(they are divorced)and SIL now want to come and stay with us, and of course, why do they get to, and FIL does not.

I said no one ever even called and asked me. I have no idea what is going on. My mother put in for vacation time, but since it is Christmas and she is a nurse, timing is iffy. And add my sisters to the mix...

I came right out and told my FIL that breastfeeding is very important to me. I do not feel like I should be locked up in a bedroom all week long because my boobs are always going to be out.

I have a feeling no one from DH family's wil be coming.

That was super nice of your parents to offer the house. no advice, just hugs