How do you answer rude people?

I've had 2 incidents in the past few weeks that I really didn't know how to handle.

1) In Michael's, an old lady kept sticking out her tongue at Erin, imitating how she usually has her tongue protruded. She was making an ah,ah,ah sound each time she stuck it out (do it yourself and you can imagine how it went). And she kept asking Marron (my older DD) why Erin kept doing that with her tongue. I ignored it at first, then I got really mad and said a few times lowly, "there's something wrong with her". She didn't hear me, and persisted. So I yelled at her, "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH HER!!!"

I thought about it later and whished I had said something like, "Really? A woman who has lived as long as you and seen as much as you is going to make fun of a baby???"

2) At a Mommy & Me music group primarily for EI children, a young family member (not one of the mothers) saw Erin who is 22 months crawling around and asked me how old she is. When I told her, she said, "And she doesn't walk yet???" I just responded, "Nope."

Again, I thought about it later and wished I had said something like, "Are you really asking me a question like that in a school for children with disabilities?"


So how do you handle the rude questions? I really want to get better at this so rude people will begin to know how rude they really are, and maybe will think twice before saying something similar to mothers of other children...typical or not!

Re: How do you answer rude people?

awww i'm sorry hon!!! i have been in similar situations and i am just speechless until later and i then i think i should have said....

people are unreal and try to not let it bother you!!!! i really have no advice, but...

Re: How do you answer rude people?

I answer with short answers but I don't put down DS either.

I just say, that he does not know how to do it or he can't do it.

People DON'T think.

Please never feel like saying there is something wrong with your DD. While "there is", I always assume DS understands EVERYTHING I say. I try to answer and not hurt DS' feelings in the event he understands me.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Re: How do you answer rude people?

I understand how you're feeling completely.
My daughter didn't walk until VERY late and she was huge. People would gawk and roll their eyes at me like I was enabling her by carrying her everywhere or something else just as insipid.
Now my issue primarily with her speech. She's going on 6 but has the speech of a 3 year old.
I usually just tell people who ask that she's on the autism spectrum and that shuts them up.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

So many people do not get the concept of boundaries. How upsetting.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

I am so sorry this happened to you. I completely empathize with you. My son is also 22 months and does not walk and he has a bunny hop crawl. When people ask "How old is he/why isn't he walking/talking/doing ect." my answer is "I pray to God everyday that he'll walk/talk/crawl one day".
This usually shuts everyone up and doesn't make me feel like I owe an explanation to anyone.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Posted by BargainMama

Posted by smdl

I answer with short answers but I don't put down DS either.

I just say, that he does not know how to do it or he can't do it.

People DON'T think.

Please never feel like saying there is something wrong with your DD. While "there is", I always assume DS understands EVERYTHING I say. I try to answer and not hurt DS' feelings in the event he understands me.

I agree with this. I never would have said there is something wrong with my child in front of him/her. Maybe that my child has developmental delays (not really knowing your child's issue though).

People are generally just curious, I don't think most people mean to be rude. I don't think it's rude for a young person to ask if your child walks, unless it was done in a demaning, rude tone.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Re: How do you answer rude people?

i tend to brush it off... a lot of people aren't intentionally trying to be malicious.

sometimes even depending on my mood, i go right back at them...

i can be just as cruel, and if they comment in such a way where it's nasty i say something just back, where in a sense it would seem like i am making fun of my son, but i am not...

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Posted by pharmcat2000

Posted by BargainMama

Posted by smdl

I answer with short answers but I don't put down DS either.

I just say, that he does not know how to do it or he can't do it.

People DON'T think.

Please never feel like saying there is something wrong with your DD. While "there is", I always assume DS understands EVERYTHING I say. I try to answer and not hurt DS' feelings in the event he understands me.

I agree with this. I never would have said there is something wrong with my child in front of him/her. Maybe that my child has developmental delays (not really knowing your child's issue though).

People are generally just curious, I don't think most people mean to be rude. I don't think it's rude for a young person to ask if your child walks, unless it was done in a demaning, rude tone.

Believe me, I'd never try to hurt DD's feelings. But I know that she doesn't understand me. And even if she could understand the words I was saying, she wouldn't know what it meant.

As for the person asking, she wasn't a "young person" as in a child. She was clearly in her 20s and was attending the class with another child that also had some delays, so no, it was not ok for her to ask to just be curious. Kids learn in grammar school not to stare or ask questions about people who are different.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Posted by smdl

Posted by pharmcat2000

Posted by BargainMama

Posted by smdl

I answer with short answers but I don't put down DS either.

I just say, that he does not know how to do it or he can't do it.

People DON'T think.

Please never feel like saying there is something wrong with your DD. While "there is", I always assume DS understands EVERYTHING I say. I try to answer and not hurt DS' feelings in the event he understands me.

I agree with this. I never would have said there is something wrong with my child in front of him/her. Maybe that my child has developmental delays (not really knowing your child's issue though).

People are generally just curious, I don't think most people mean to be rude. I don't think it's rude for a young person to ask if your child walks, unless it was done in a demaning, rude tone.

Believe me, I'd never try to hurt DD's feelings. But I know that she doesn't understand me. And even if she could understand the words I was saying, she wouldn't know what it meant.

As for the person asking, she wasn't a "young person" as in a child. She was clearly in her 20s and was attending the class with another child that also had some delays, so no, it was not ok for her to ask to just be curious. Kids learn in grammar school not to stare or ask questions about people who are different.

I did want to make you feel worst by saying that you were hurting your DD's feelings. I just wanted to tell you not to sell your DD's short to answer a perfect stranger you will never see again. I go by the basic concept that I don't owe anyone an explaination.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Posted by pharmcat2000

Posted by smdl

Posted by pharmcat2000

Posted by BargainMama

Posted by smdl

I answer with short answers but I don't put down DS either.

I just say, that he does not know how to do it or he can't do it.

People DON'T think.

Please never feel like saying there is something wrong with your DD. While "there is", I always assume DS understands EVERYTHING I say. I try to answer and not hurt DS' feelings in the event he understands me.

I agree with this. I never would have said there is something wrong with my child in front of him/her. Maybe that my child has developmental delays (not really knowing your child's issue though).

People are generally just curious, I don't think most people mean to be rude. I don't think it's rude for a young person to ask if your child walks, unless it was done in a demaning, rude tone.

Believe me, I'd never try to hurt DD's feelings. But I know that she doesn't understand me. And even if she could understand the words I was saying, she wouldn't know what it meant.

As for the person asking, she wasn't a "young person" as in a child. She was clearly in her 20s and was attending the class with another child that also had some delays, so no, it was not ok for her to ask to just be curious. Kids learn in grammar school not to stare or ask questions about people who are different.

I did want to make you feel worst by saying that you were hurting your DD's feelings. I just wanted to tell you not to sell your DD's short to answer a perfect stranger you will never see again. I go by the basic concept that I don't owe anyone an explaination.

You know, you're right. Thank you.

Re: How do you answer rude people?

Re: How do you answer rude people?

For the woman who asked about her walking, I would have just said, "Are you REALLY asking that question HERE?" and let her sit there feeling stupid.

As for the old lady, have zero patience for most people anyway, and I would have asked her:

Why is it important for her to know why she is doing that with her tongue?

I would have also told the old lady that that she looks like a moron with her tongue hanging out, and hopefully when MY daughter is 98, she won't be doing that with her tongue, and certainly not at strangers' babies in stores.

And if she stilll carried on, I would inform her that it is none of her business, and if she hasn't learned at this stage of her life to not be so nosy, she certainly will not be learning it now. And that MY daughter will eventually learn to not stick out her tongue.

I hear tons and tons and TONS of awful things parents are told out in the community, and it infuriates me. I have developed many comebacks as a result.