How do you deal with the questions?

I have always been a very private person and will keep TTC between my husband and I. I come on LIF and share because I know I will have support yet it will still be private from those who know me.

That being said, a couple of weeks ago my mother made a comment about how she never says anything like "this" but, "would you get busy and have a baby?" (like we haven't been trying!). She was digging for details because she knows I get tenure this month and had been waiting for that to have a baby, but my mother knew I wasn't going to talk about it. So, my response was, "this is not up for discussion", end of conversation.

I thought it was all said and done but lately she is making a quick comment each time I see her. I have no intentions of telling her or anyone else I know about TTC and I think she knows this. The journey hasn't been easy and these comments are really getting to me. It doesn't help that a girl my age at her job just got pregnant and has shared this with my mother.

How do you deal with comments from family when you don't want to discuss it? I'm running out of ways to respond other than ignoring it.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

I told my mom we were trying and having difficulty (this came out when she had to bring me to the MD b/c I blacked out from anxiety which happened after I got AF one morning when didn't want her). When I told her, I said to her, "I am telling you this, but I DO NOT want you asking follow-up questions. I do not want you ask me every month how things are going. I just want you to know, so if I want to vent you can LISTEN".

Other family members honestly haven't asked, but friends have been a little too bold in their questions. I have just said we're still working on our home, before we start a family.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

This used to bother me so much. It is such a private matter & no one, not even family IMO has the right to "grill" us about it.

What I used to do is tell ILs (because it was mostly them annoying me about it) is the following:

1- No, but we are practicing constantly...that reminds me, we have to leave & go practive some more.

2- When that wore off I would say, no, but every time you ask that is another year you will wait.

3- when we can afford it. BTW, houses in Colorado are way cheaper, maybe we can move there and start? (This was effective only b/c my ILs refuse to fly).

I am snotty but to me so are the questions.

If that does not work...I go to my old standby...kick em in the shins

Image Attachment(s):

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

LOL! Love the pic! I can be snotty with her, if need be.

Keep your ideas comin'!

I know it is just because she wants the best for us. Also, being a breast cancer survivor, she always fears the unknown and worries she will never see a grandchild (I'm an only child too). She has been cancer free for 8+ years!

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Posted by sasha96

LOL! Love the pic! I can be snotty with her, if need be.

Keep your ideas comin'!

I know it is just because she wants the best for us. Also, being a breast cancer survivor, she always fears the unknown and worries she will never see a grandchild (I'm an only child too). She has been cancer free for 8+ years!

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

I had a cousin tell me to check my mucus very month. If that isn't endearing, I dont know what is. She sent me into such a state I was ready to pop her one.

My immediate family has been very good about NOT getting too intimate with questions. I inform them on an "as needed" basis. Occasionally, I get the "How are you guys doing?" question, but it is rather harmless and I know it comes from a good place.

DH's family never asks. They know we have been trying and I assume they know that if we had something to share, that we would. It is greatly appreciated. DH told my MIL yesterday that we were having difficulty and we were going through the right steps to make it happen as soon as possible. MIL asked if we had a good doctor and if we were seeing a fertility specialist. Her thoughts were based in concern and not in being a busybody. It was comforting to know that we have support.

Nothing would give us greater pleasure than to bring a child into this world and for many reasons. Creating a human being is perhaps the most intimate thing two people can do together - whether naturally or through assistance. The vulnerability we all feel is immeasurable. To impose upon a couple to divulge their most private and intimate details of their reproductive life is really asking a lot. You would think that people would know better. Some do. Some don't.

When dealing with family, it can get delicate. You can simply say that you understand her desire to be a grandparent and you will let her know what she needs to know. Don't allow it to push you to lose it.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

My mom never mde comments to me, but my mil would tell people that by next year (2007) we'd be pg. while that was the plan, we never discussed it with her.

and her response was always, "well, people ask me." like who? she claims that her sister and dh's cousins were dying to know when we were having kids. riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

but i would just ignore her and let her going on thinking whatever she was going to think.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Our road wasn't easy either, but because I was sick, it made it easier to get on their cases when they asked when a baby was coming. When they asked we just talked more about how my chemo was going. They began to get the idea. They were very surprised when we finally told them we were pregnant!!

I wish you and everybody TTC the best of luck!

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Posted by MsMBV

Posted by BNL2005

My mom never mde comments to me, but my mil would tell people that by next year (2007) we'd be pg. while that was the plan, we never discussed it with her.

wow...that is too much!

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

When I'm asked...I answer "when God wants me to be" or "only God knows"

I noticed that when I answered...other things like...not ready yet, or working on the house first, or whatever...it opened a discussion on why I shouldn't wait....so now when I answer the above...there is nothing further to discuss!

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Posted by BNL2005

Posted by MsMBV

Posted by BNL2005

My mom never mde comments to me, but my mil would tell people that by next year (2007) we'd be pg. while that was the plan, we never discussed it with her.

wow...that is too much!

tell me about it. then she's get pi zzy when we called her on it.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Posted by MsMBV

Posted by BNL2005

Posted by MsMBV

Posted by BNL2005

My mom never mde comments to me, but my mil would tell people that by next year (2007) we'd be pg. while that was the plan, we never discussed it with her.

wow...that is too much!

tell me about it. then she's get pi zzy when we called her on it.

Oh boy..... I have a feeling we will have many "mom" discussions on the PG & Parenting boards.....

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

I just had a very good friend who just had her 2nd baby ask me in an e mail ...
She said

" happy anniversary! wow 3 years... where is the baby?"

I was so ANGRY, so I e mailed her back, and went into full details about OPK's etc, and was not too nice, she has not e mailed me back in a week. I had to bite my tongue and not write at least I am in a solid marraige and did not have to move to save it, and that at least I know condoms have expiration dates, with her first one she claimed she did not know this. It is really no ones business except you and DH, This infurates me that people think it is there business.

Message edited 4/3/2007 4:15:30 PM.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

That's what kills me! I have one friend who is constantly bringing up babies - saying how she wants to start decorating her nursery and that I'm her only friend that is not pregnant, meanwhile, she's not married (her fiance is an azzhole) and does not have a solid relationship.

I want to scream, "hey, focus on your own life!!"

I'd rather have my supporting, loving, hubby and no children, then her jerky guy and kids.

Message edited 4/3/2007 4:24:57 PM.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

to be honest with you girls, i deal with the questions by lying. I tell people that we haven't started trying yet and we probably will try in another 6-8 months. Since they have a time frame that's not too far away it usually gets them off my back, but it's probably not such a great thing because if i am still not pregnant in 8 months i will have to deal with another round of questions.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

I lie.

I said with school and work the last thing we need is a baby.

Re: How do you deal with the questions?

The questions don't bother me so much. I told my mom & MIL that we were waiting until after we were married a year & that we would probably not start until July. Since then, the questions have stopped. Now that we decided to start sooner, I will not say anything unless asked directly.