How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I think that my parents did a btter job than we are doing right now, but I do hope that we can someday be as good as they were.

They did a lot of outdoor things with us, and DH and I are not very "outdoorsy".

We were at the beach or the town pool all summer from morning till dinner time. We went to parks and even the beach in the dead of winter.

We didn't have a ton of money, but they did soo many things with us, we never even noticed.

I want to be a better parent, and give my kids a great childhood too.

I need to work on it!

Message edited 1/7/2009 11:08:16 PM.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

great question.

I try and follow a lot of things my parents did. My mother's kids never threw tantrums, ever. All we needed was to hear the word No once...there was no whining at all.

We weren't hit...well not till I became a teen , but she had really great toddlers...

I don't know if its because I am following her lead, but josh is pretty much tantrum free.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Right now, I can't compare myself to my parents as Abby is so young.

I am the fourth child with MUCH older siblings. My parents were damn tired by the time they got to me. The parenting for the first three was much different than it was for me.

I think they did the best they could and the best they could was excellent. I DO wish they would have pushed me to be a little more goal oriented - I was not self motivated. Perhaps that is where we will differ.

I want Abby (and any other children we may have) to have goals and work to reach them. It doesn't matter what those goals are, but they should always strive to be their personal best and not settle for "eh." I want them to believe in themselves. I think I would have been a very different person with an extra boost of confidence.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I know I'm a better parent and am proud to say that. My mother used to hit us a lot, wash our mouths out with soap, etc. My sister's and I jokingly say "no wire hangers" (Mommy Dearest). I still hold resentment for the way we were treated (and the way I still am treated so I keep my distance).

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Oooooh, now that I JUST gave my mom a link to LIF so she can see Heather's pictures of Dylan, I better not answer .

I am similar to my parents in some ways that are good and in some ways that are bad. The good = trying to emphasize learning and encourage development and I will seek to encourage academic interests. The bad = wanting my kid to be perfect and I will worry too much when he is older and starts to go places without me. The overprotectiveness was not healthy.

DH has similar personality traits to his parents but I don't think he is necessarily similar as a parent.

I know, the question is whether I think that I am doing a better job. I have to plead the 5th.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Posted by Kerie-is-so-very

Oooooh, now that I JUST gave my mom a link to LIF so she can see Heather's pictures of Dylan, I better not answer .

I am similar to my parents in some ways that are good and in some ways that are bad. The good = trying to emphasize learning and encourage development and I will seek to encourage academic interests. The bad = wanting my kid to be perfect and I will worry too much when he is older and starts to go places without me. The overprotectiveness was not healthy.

DH has similar personality traits to his parents but I don't think he is necessarily similar as a parent.

I know, the question is whether I think that I am doing a better job. I have to plead the 5th.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Im better in some areas...she's better in others.

The best part is that my mom admits that she made mistakes....so I dont have to waste time arguing with her that Im not doing it HER WAY!!!

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I am definately alot better

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Night and day. Neither of my parents were equipped with any aspect of parenting IMO.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I'm not sure.

I think it's probably about the same. We've both had our trials & tribulations, yet are muddling through. My mom was a screamer mom for a while & I do fear I'm following in her footsteps. She was also a fun mom who lived for her kids.

I think every generation takes the way they were raised (even if they adored their parents as I did) & tries to improve upon it. That "improvement" causes a whole host of other problems.

When I was raised, kids were not equal to their parents. There was a definite pecking order. The next generation seemed to be more in tune to their kids needs & overcompensated (IMO), which created a whole host of other problems.

One thing I love about the current parenting style is that it's more of a shared responsibility which I think gives that dads a deeper involvement.

Message edited 1/8/2009 9:50:24 AM.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I have to say that I don't love the 'better/worse' mindset. It's kind of unfair because things were SO different when I was growing up.

If my mom were to come on the boards today - she'd be run out of Dodge for sure!

But times were different, circumstances were different..

I do know that my parents did their level best. And yeah - I got yelled at, I was spanked, both my parents smoked when I was in utero AND my entire time growing up. I ran free throughout the neighborhood from a frighteningly young age.. BUT - I ALWAYS felt loved. I always felt cherished, adored and important. I knew that I was valued.

And I do my best. I know I don't always succeed. And in 20 years the latest study and trend might find out that time outs are emotionally damaging and giving cereal for breakfast damages their potential. But I also hope that in 20 yeas my children will know how much I loved them - how hard I tried to always do the right thing and how I put all of my heart into raising people who would have every advantage I could give them toward being successful and good hearted human beings.

So far - I think I'm doing okay. Not perfect. But if my children feel the amount of love from me and Rob that I felt from my parents - then I will call it even. And I think they do.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I think that everyone is different and being that this generation is so different than out parents generation, I simply can not compare my parenting to my parents.

My parents had a lot more time, didn't have to work so many hours, we didn't have all the crap and issues that kids have to deal with now. Its a different time and a different age, we know many things that our parents didn't know when they were raising us....

So I won't compare. I think I am a pretty bloody good parent, and really, I think they were pretty bloody good parents!!

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Completely different circumstances-my mom was a single mom of 3.

She made some really bad choices along the way that I have learned from, and I hope I am doing a better job in those areas.

However, she did it all alone with no partner and none of the bad choices were done with malice-she had good intentions, it's just not always enough.

Unless your kids are near grown, I don't think you can really tell yet. Yes, you may avoid some of their pitfalls, but there may be others that pop up and until the job is near completion and you reflect back on the whole picture, I'm not sure you can tell.

Goes without saying (but let me say it anyway), abused kids that stop the cycle when they have kids of their own are probably already doing a better job then their parents.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

Landon is so young so its hard to say, but I think I am similar to my mom in a lot of ways when it comes to parenting. Two major differences is she is much more overprotective than I am and she was a SAHM while I work. But I think we are about equal when it comes to being a good parent.
Now, I think Ray is a much better father than my father was to me and his father was to him. He is much more invlved than they both were.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I think my parents raised us very well and I see myself implementing the same rules. For example:

1. family dinners
2. respect for elders
3. school comes first
4. reading before TV

These are hard with a 20 month old but we try to implement them the best we can.

I see us raising DS a little healthier (e.g. less processed food and NO SODA etc)

My parents raised 3 successfull children so I hope I do 1/2 of what they did

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I would imagine we are pretty different style wise but we have the same values if that makes any sense. They did a great job raising me - I hope we do as good as they did!

My parent's life was so different than mine is right now. My younger brother had Leukemia and they were dealing with that. I can't imagine and hope I never have to find out how dealing with that is like.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

I'm a learn by mistake type of person. I hate to use the word "better"-- just different.

Re: How do you think your parenting compares to the way your parents "parented" you?

My parents did what DH and I are doing as far as work & time at home. My father worked days and my mother worked nights so we were always with one of our parents. With us, I work days & DH works evenings and we each have our time with our DD.

I think my parents did the best with what they had. My mother was very patient with us but we always knew what she expected. DH and I try to do the same. I don't believe in hitting and my parents weren't hitters either. My parents truly valued education and we will instill that in DD also.

Overall, I think we are pretty similar. I can't really think of a time that I said to myself, "I can't believe my parents did that." I'd like to think that my kids know what to expect from me.