How has the death of your mother changed you?

I feel it in so many ways.....
Good and bad........
As mentioned in an earlier thread, I have an overwhelming fear of getting sick... of eventually succumbing to a horrible illness. I also worry so much more about those around me, particularly about my husband and my future children. I will also admit I drink a lot more since my mom has been gone. I think it is a way of numbing myself.
The good.........
My mom always preached to me about the importance of education and success. I am currently in the middle of my Master's and want to make her proud. I also, and as hard as it is going to be without her, am looking forward to being a mom. Mainly so that I can instill in my children so much of what I was taught. I want the memory of my mother to be such a huge part of my children's lives. I also want to get back that mother/child connection.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Message edited 1/30/2009 10:39:57 AM.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Mine is the loss of my dad.

His death has made me realize how short life really is, and precious every minute is. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff and stop and smell the roses, listen to a child's laugh and watch the sunset as I am stopped at a stop light. I have learned to value every second with my daughter and my family. To tell people how much they mean to me and leave no words left unsaid. I have tried to follow in his footsteps in the fact of helping those around me in anyway possible. My father was the most giving and loving man I have ever met.

For the worst: I feel lost and alone. My father just passed in May so his death is still so new. I cry at the drop of a hat and my patients are so short. I dread the holidays and constantly forget that he is no longer here. I am still in shock and denial when it comes to him being gone. THis just s!cks in every sense of the word.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Posted by Sassy2611

Mine is the loss of my dad.

His death has made me realize how short life really is, and precious every minute is. I have learned to not sweat the small stuff and stop and smell the roses, listen to a child's laugh and watch the sunset as I am stopped at a stop light. I have learned to value every second with my daughter and my family. To tell people how much they mean to me and leave no words left unsaid. I have tried to follow in his footsteps in the fact of helping those around me in anyway possible. My father was the most giving and loving man I have ever met.

For the worst: I feel lost and alone. My father just passed in May so his death is still so new. I cry at the drop of a hat and my patients are so short. I dread the holidays and constantly forget that he is no longer here. I am still in shock and denial when it comes to him being gone. THis just s!cks in every sense of the word.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

The death of my mother changed me for the better...I got the he-ll out of the one horse town I was raised in. My mother tried to get out when she was younger, too. I moved to NY and met the man I would marry...I cannot complain. If my mother was still alive I know I would be stuck in that place I was born and raised working at the food court in the mall or something.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I have been trying to come up with an answer to this question and I can't

I feel like my life is so diffierent- but I am the same person

I am going to ask Jake how he has seen me change over the last 4 years- since he knew me in HS, after HS and then we started dating 6 months after my Mom got sick

I think it's too soon for me to see the changes- I would like to think there are some for the better- like how I still hear her voice in my head pushing me to do well in my career etc

and some bad things like I question how long I will live and if I will die so young

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I think it was the first time I realized my parents were real people instead of my parents, if you know what I mean.






I know exactly what you mean- and you are so right

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

i am definitely more angry. i don't believe in fairy tales or happy endings anymore but i do believe more in myself knowing that only i can make things happen. i don't want children anymore which is such a shock to me because i've always seen myself with tons. i just don't want to ever leave them. crazy i know. i am definitely more cynical.

what i do know that worked out well for me is that mom is here for me whenever i need help making a decision or just to talk. she was at work a lot when she was alive so now i feel like i have her undivided attention

thanks for listening

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

much more anxiety, worry over my own death and leaving my son motherless.

A bit of a more negative outlook on life.

some things for the better: Im much more responsible and I feel like I need control over my life at all times becuase I have no one to fall back on. I always ran to my mom for advice and now I feel like I reach from within more.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I really can't come up with much of an answer - I don't know that I'm very changed exactly.

There are some things I think I am different in - I think I actually cry less (oh, I still cry easily, but it seems it was more before) and I feel like I'm a bit (a little bit) more assertive then I was too. But, I don't know that I can say it was because my mom died. I think it could be just that I am 5 years older now.

I think I have become closer to my dad now - and I guess that's a good thing. Not that we weren't close, but if I called home before my mom died, if he answered, he'd mostly pass me off to my mom. Now I talk to him at least once a week and have found out a lot more about him then I guess I ever knew before.

For the worse - well, I am very cynical - but I think I was before too. And I do worry a lot about getting sick and dying. And I constantly worry that something will happen to my dad now.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I won't go the doctor for a physical b/c I am so scared they are going to find something wrong with me. I just got married a month ago and I often lay awake at nights worrying that I won't be able to have children or have them and die at a young age and leave my husband and children alone. It is the worst. Every pain or ache, I think this must be it! Her death has made me so paranoid about things.

So sad with so much to be live for and be grateful for!

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

It happened over 10 years ago.

But I will say that as an adult I definitely have great detest for people who complain about their moms.

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

I definitely have a fear of dying young.

I have a fear of having children and then not being alive to raise them.

Sometimes I feel like part of me stopped growing up after she went to.

I always wonder if I will ever feel like a whole person again.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Posted by madden7706

I won't go the doctor for a physical b/c I am so scared they are going to find something wrong with me. I just got married a month ago and I often lay awake at nights worrying that I won't be able to have children or have them and die at a young age and leave my husband and children alone. It is the worst. Every pain or ache, I think this must be it! Her death has made me so paranoid about things.

So sad with so much to be live for and be grateful for!

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Message edited 8/11/2006 12:35:01 PM.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Posted by anjerandunder

Posted by danielle

So many people when planning their weddings complain about their mom doing this or that and I just want to scream at them. Don't they realize that I would give anything just to have had mine there with me on my big day?

You hit it on the nose! I hated listening to everyone complain about their mother's dress or their mom wanting this during their wedding. My mom and I got to pick out my dress together. I was lucky for that. But the day I went to order it was the day she was diagnosed. Bittersweet. She looked at me while she layed in the hospital bed and said "you go order that dress Justine. I'm going to make it to your wedding and I want you in that dress." The woman at the dress shop must have thought I was a lunatic because I was sobbing so hard while writing out the check. She started crying when I broke down and told her. Mom didn't make it to the wedding but at least I got that wonderful day shopping with her. She was so happy for me.

eta: sorry i got a little carried away with that one.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

grrr I cant stand it when they compain about parents over there..

my father was supposed to walk me down the aisle, he died.then i asked my uncle (who is my godfather) to walk me down the aisle and he dies of a heart attack.

..so when I hear people ****** about mundane things I want to type that and go "there!! I win!! stop being a baby and look at the big picture!!"

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I'm not really sure... I guess I took on more responsibilities with my family upstate because she took care of EVERYONE. You name it she did it. Now...I do it.
I also see more and more how incredibly stong she was to do all that she did.
I'm also very lonely...even though I completely know she's here with me(spritually)...I miss being able to pick up the phone and talk to her everyday.
She also never met DH, but in my heart I truly believe she brought him to me.

Message edited 8/16/2006 12:46:01 PM.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I wonder each and everyday how different life would be if my Mom were around, how different I would be as a person. I lost my Mom when I was 15 months old, so I can’t really tell how the loss has changed me I can only see who I have become because of it.
Not so good stuff:
Since my Mom died suddenly, I have an intense fear of losing someone close to me suddenly, since it is the only reality I grew up with. I also fear that I will pass on at such an early age like my Mom. (she was 32).
The “normal” grieving stages don’t really apply to people who don’t remember experiencing the loss, so they hit me sporadically. One day I’ll be angry, one day I’ll be sad, and the next I’ll be feeling alright. I’ll NEVER feel at ease. You can probably all relate to that one way or another.
Better stuff:
My friends and family have always been a HUGE priority in my life, and I take my relationships very seriously, because I understand that they might not be around forever. Since I give my relationships my all, I expect it back in return. This pretty much weeds out all the fake people and I have so many wonderful people in my life to be thankful for. Actually, I’d probably be in a straight jacket by now if it wasn’t for them. I feel that having experienced such hardship helps me to understand and be more empathetic towards others as well. I also wonder if my Mom were around during my childhood if she would have spoiled me and done things for me that I could have handled myself. I pride myself on being an extremely independent, capable person, and I don’t know if I would be the same way had she been around.
Thinking about the person that I have grown to be in her absence helps get me through some rough days. Others, you just have to let yourself cry or chat it out.

Sorry to ramble….It seems many of you have lost your Moms recently, or at an older age. My prayers go out to you….and everyone. I know it’s different at any age, but no matter what it’s a struggle for us all. You’re all extremely strong women. Hang in there.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

I have intense fears of dying and leaving my daughter with that loss. I also am a nervous wreck if DH doesn't come home right on time. My head goes to all the possibilities. I'm just very much aware of death. I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long because I end up daydreaming about some horrible scenerio....its almost like rehearsing just in case it were to happed....hmmmm any therapists out there?

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Posted by dree

I have intense fears of dying and leaving my daughter with that loss. I also am a nervous wreck if DH doesn't come home right on time. My head goes to all the possibilities. I'm just very much aware of death. I can't be left alone with my thoughts for too long because I end up daydreaming about some horrible scenerio....its almost like rehearsing just in case it were to happed....hmmmm any therapists out there?

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?

Wow this is a reallly hard question. I could type pages on it.

I am not the same person I was before she died. I became less social and more guarded.

I fear I will get breast cancer as well. It is even more concerning for me now that I have a son.

I feel cheated. She should be here for all the important things that have happened since she died.

Re: How has the death of your mother changed you?