How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I was talkling about this a little last night because we were talking about old TV shows and I was saying how I never really "got" until much later why "Who's the Boss" was supposed to be funny. I never got that it was a gender role reversal, I just accepted the fact that she was the president of an ad agency and he was a housekeeper. There was nothing weird about it to me.

My family is very traditional, to this extreme point but from a very early age I rejected it. I was 4 or 5 years old and my favorite color was blue, but my grandma would tell me it's a boy's color and I need to have pink, and I couldn't have he-man toys, I got she-ra, even though I wanted he-man. I mean, eventually my parents gave in, they weren't totally rigid with me... but I did grow up in a very gender specific environment. My dad worked , my mom was a SAHM. When I went to dancing school, not as many sports as I wanted. When I was a teenager, playing pool was for boys, so I wasn't allowed... I mean, weird sh*t like that... but I sort of never bought into gender roles, like the man is the breadwinner, and the woman takes care of kids, or this is a job for men, and this is a job for women. LIke there's a thread on another board about women making more than their DH's and the implication is that it would bother some people...and to me I just don't really get it...

Although I do a lot of the domestic stuff just b/c my FH is completely defective at it.


How much do you buy into gender roles?

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I totally accept that people have to do what is best for them...but for me, personally in life, I definitely live with gender roles.

I grew up with very strong gender roles, I think because I saw that example and how it worked, I lean towards that.

I think if I witnessed it not working, I would be more opt to live outside roles.

I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM. I loved my job, I loved working, but I knew when the time was right, I could finally take over the role in which I want to live by.

Just thought of something else, my DH makes it completely possible. He doesn't live so much in gender roles, so cooking and cleaning isn't a chore to him. The fact that I do it now, isn't expected of me, it just makes his life better.

ETA: for my kids, my brother was a tap dancer and I was b-ball captain. I think kids should be permitted to join any activity they have an interest in.

Message edited 8/12/2006 12:17:36 PM.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I never fit into any 'gender roles' either. My favorite color has always been green, i played little league baseball on a boys team, but then I also did twirling with the girls.
Growing up I played manhunt & kickball with the neighborhood kids, but then I also did girly things like makeovers and barbies.
Now I work longer hours than DH. He does more cooking then me. We clean about equal.
But someday I do hope my role changes to be a p/t SAHM and p/t work. I want to cook more and be around the house more for our children. That is what my mom did for us growing up and I want my kids to have the same.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I want to be around to see my kids grow up, so I'd love to work p/t or take a few years off to be with them..then again, FH would LOVE to be a SAHD too, he's very paternal, and he'll make a great dad, but I guess societal gender roles will work in my favor on this one!

(actually it's probably more because he makes a lot more $$ than I do!)

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

i enjoy being the caregiver in all aspects...so if that makes me role-specific, eh, whatever.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I think I flip/flop on this one. At first, the thought of being a SAHM sounded great to me (maybe 10 years ago when I was single and very optimistic about a future that happened 10 years too late.) I feel like I established myself on my own and I might be a little hesitant to give that part ofmyself up entirely.

I think times have changed a lot. As the story goes, when my parents got married 50 years ago, Dad told my Mom that he wanted her at home because his mother always worked (they were immigrants) and he didn't want a wife who worked. (Personally I dont think that was a tough sell to my mom as my father provided rather well for her). Soon after they married they had their first three children and Mom working wouldnt have worked for them.

In that year they married, the amount of women who were in college or college bound, or simply career-oriented was far less than it is now. Sure women love and need the companionship of a partner but they do NOT need the income that partner provides to sustain themselves. Women are much more independent because they can be.

It is certainly not as common to see SAHMs for a bunch of reasons. Things are much more expensive now so many are forced to be breadwinners along with their husbands. There are also so many opportunities for women now that didnt exist years ago and many women just DON'T want to stay at home. I know many people with kids that don't want to stay at home and they are excellent parents - whether by need or by choice.

I have yet to decide which road to take. We are not in a financial position where I can stay home and raise a family. That could all change but to be honest, I have established myself as a working woman. While I might not be corporate or self-employed, my career is my own. I have my own work place, my own work drama, my own stories to tell. My commuting time is when I decompress and have time to myself.

I wish I had the flexibility to be able to make a choice - then I suppose things would be different.

Sorry for the digressive rant.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

i have no problem with gender roles. i also think in this day and age that we can deviate from them.

i have to admit i would prefer to follow them. i would like to be a stay at home mom. but i am all for if a woman wants to have a career and the man wants to stay at home, then go for it. i personally, do not want to do that. everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

DH is all for dressing our children in non-gender role colours. i would prefer to put our future children in blue or pink according to their sex. he also would love to give boys dolls to play with. he doesnt want our children to grow up with thinking 'girls should play with dolls'. he grew up different from me, so his thinking is a little more open. i grew up in the type of house where the men would go in another room to watch tv after a meal, while the women went and cleaned up. so i guess that is why he is a little more relaxed about gender roles.

when we do have children i would like to be a little more open about gender roles, and not raise then with the mentality that i grew up with.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

hmmm i think for me it was never really an issue because i was always so incredibly girly by nature.

my fave color was (and remains) pink, i was a cheerleader in elementary school. i loved minnie mouse, she-ra, etc etc.

i hated sports, playing with boys, all boy htings.

a total girly girl.

then i got older....


but now our roles are reversed ---kinda.
like, DH does the dishes, the cleaning the cooking and the laundry.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I can totally relate to what you wrote Jen.I grew up in the 'Womens Lib" era with a dad that was totally against women working etc. What a wild time in my house that was My mom was a SAHM but briefly stood her ground and got a part time job.She had a college degree and wanted to work after we were in school. I have taught my girls that you do what you have to do to survive in this world and be strong .Being divorced I still find that my salary is always a sore subject to the men I have dated. It's their problem not mine and my older daughter is in college full time and working fulltime and I'm proud of her for taking charge of her life and not some old strerotype.My youngest is starting college in 2 weeks and works pt
I am referred to as their mother/father cuz I have a deadbeat XH....I am who I am because I like what I like
I was also fortunate enough to be a sahm for 5 years too.

Message edited 8/12/2006 5:59:21 PM.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

i can hang with the boys and i can hang with the girls. i can be girly, but i don't really wear the heels and whatnot.

but i want to be a sahm, so figure that out

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

IMO...certain gender roles are just inherent...and we do follow them...

societal gender roles...i follow but to an exent...

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

Let's see....JT wants to be the one at home taking care of Ava and I'm the one most likely to be under the car or sink, etc. I'd say it's a gender free for all in my house. I like it that way.

Message edited 8/12/2006 6:10:37 PM.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I did not grow up in a house that had such thoughts. I really appreciate the fact that I was raised that way because I was able to be more open minded and I was able to do things that other little girls were unable to do.
I love my parents for allowing me to be and think this way.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

For me, in some ways, I totally reject them and in other ways, I totally embrace them. I hate it when I, as a woman, am expected to clean/cook, but I love it when I am treated like a princess and catered too. I guess I want my cake and I want to eat it too!!

It was sort of mixed growing up too. I grew up with 2 brothers so I was often just one of the boys playing sports, fighting, mowing the lawn, etc. But, it always drove me crazy when the 3 of us would be sitting there and my dad would call me in to do the dishes! My mom never fell into the "woman's" role too easily either so that was my role model. We always had a cleaning lady so I didn't ever watch her obsess over a clean house. My dad almost always does the laundry. And they both cook--my mom more often when it is indoors cooking and my dad more often when it is outdoors.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

I don't know how things will change when we become parents, but I see us both just doing what needs to be done, the was we do now. My DH is a college professor, and he will hopefully be going on a sabbatical next fall, to be home with the baby. He'll get full pay and I will go back to teaching full time. Then he'll also be home two days a week once the sabbatical ends because he has a great teaching schedule. I am a bit envious but also glad that our child will get so much time with his/her dad.

It's a real departure from when I grew up, because my dad really valued the fact that he brought home the $$ and my mom cared for the house and kids. Though for a while my mom worked nights and he worked days, so he had to be very hands-on. But I think he preferred the more "traditional arrangment".

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

It's always been a conflict for me and probably because I grew up in a gender conflicted household. I wasn't allowed to play any sports for the most ridiculous old-fashioned reasons... riding a bike was even an issue at one point. But then, my mother totally wore the pants in the family. She was certainly not the model homemaker and my dad was definitely not fitting into his role either even though he wasn't exactly taking on the Mr. Mom role.

My mom kind of tried to raise me under the gender role that she was raised with...yet did not live by. She worked full time, sometimes 2 or 3 jobs. Went to college, owned her own business, etc. SHE was the one bringing home the bacon and my dad would hand his entire paycheck over to her. So it was a case of do as I say, not as I do. And the result is that now I am very very reluctant to fall into the traditional female gender role, much to my DHs chagrin yet, since having a baby, I find myself doing more and more gender role related things that I said I'd "never" do...and I want to do them.

Re: How much do you believe in/follow gender roles?

This is an interesting topic. Dh and I are a funny couple when it comes to gender roles...
He cooks, cleans, bakes, irons, sews better than I do. It is definitely a team effort over here. We take turns with all household jobs. Thank goodness!
I would say we "take care of each other". However, I have a very maternal side, I totally take care of my little brother and sister and of course my little first graders. For some reason, it is balanced in my home, but not in other areas of my life. I guess we will see what happens when we have kiddies one day.