how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

ugh - ladies, I am having so many issues with this - consistantly - but sometimes it's worse than others....this week it's a little overwhelming. - suffocating....

Tell me - how often do you see your parents/in laws - and do you have a regularly set day to see them - is there competition between them??

I wish I could post more and vent - I really need to...but
a) WHERE do I begin
b) I am already concerned someone is going to see this that shouldn't

is moving to africa an option???

Message edited 6/21/2007 8:46:14 AM.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

You may want to move to Africa

We actually see my parents about once a week or once every two weeks.

My MIL lives in Florida, she came up for 2 days after DS was born, and we will see her again in July at a family reunion, but we don't know the next time we will see her after that (it had been a year and a half since we saw her)

We saw my SMIL a lot when we lived on SI, and probably will see her a lot more when her kids are out of school.

It is very hard to find a balance between families, we are a little lucky in the regard that my MIL doesn't show much interest so we don't feel we need to include her.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

My mom lives in the same town, she will stop by most nights. But DH doesn't get home until 9:30 or 10pm so she's gone before he gets here and it's nice for me to have an adult to talk to.

My dad lives in Georgia and travels a lot for work. We see him once a year now that we have kids. Before that it could go a few years.

My ILs live in Florida but have an apartment up here. They come up every other month for anywhere from 2-6 weeks or more. They seem to expect to see the kids every weekday (they come around 2 or 3pm for a few hours) but don't come on the weekends when DH is home. It causes a lot of tension between DH and I.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

We see my parents once or twice a week. When my ILs lived up in NY, we saw them probably once or twice a month.

There was a definite competition on one end. When Joseph slept over one house, there was an immediate request to have him sleep over the other's house.

It was definitely a trying time.

Message edited 6/21/2007 9:00:22 AM.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I try to remind myself that I am lucky they have such an interest in her - and that they want to be part of her life, but I am so often feeling that it's never enough - 7 days a week wouldnt be enough....

When do I have my own time for me DH and DD - or even just for me??

I try SO hard to put up bounderies - but they are always challenged...

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Can I pack up and come to Africa?

This is an on going thing with me. Ever since I had my DD I can't stand my inlaws. They are VERY smothering and I can't take it. I get so angry whenever I see them because I know they will be all over her. They have to see DD at least 2 times a week. And my sister in law is no better. My parents are great. Never overwhelming and I wouldn't mind seeing them everyday because they are not all over DD. My inlaws will actually wake up DD when I tell them that she is sleeping and then tell me she woke up on her own.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

During the summer I usually see my parents every day or every other day since they live right by us, but in the winter they are in FL. My mom is super helpful and never a bother.

IL live about 5 hours away so we see them every couple of months. SIL is about two hours away and used to always want to come and visit, but I laid down the law and she got the hint.

Its hard becasue they want to share in your family, but sometimes you just want to do things with your own new family.

Message edited 6/21/2007 9:09:35 AM.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Sorry you are going thru so many issues with this.. I, fortunately dont have any problems with my inlaws. My MIL sees Jacob ALMOST every day for some amount of time, and usually Sundays is the day my FIL sees him as he works
M-F until about 8pm.

My father lives in FL and has YET to even set eyes on Jacob since his birth, and my mom passed when I was 8, so I dont have anyone competing for him. Sorry you are experiencing that, it must totally SUCK! Hang in there...

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

My parents live 20-30 minutes south and his parents live 20-30 minutes east. Both on LI of course.

However, I see my parents may 2x-3x a month, if that, and we see the IL's maybe 1x a month. Holidays of course we see them more. My parents still work, and so do IL's, plus I am busy with the kids, so we don;t see them as much as you would think, given they don't live too far.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

see cheechee - when I see you don't have your mom anymore- it makes me feel so selfish for feeling how I feel right now.
I am so grateful to have all our parents here - interested - and hopefully they will be for a long time.

I guess I just wish they would respect my bounderies - not feel so entitled - and not compete with eachother - THAT drives me nuts...how many times can I tell them that Talia might be little - but she has love and room in her heart for all of them?!?!

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

My parents see DD maybe 2x a month...sometimes more, sometimes less as it depends on whats going on. They live in LI and we are in NJ. My IL's live in FL...and they have seen her only 2 times.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Well, Logan's only 6 weeks old, but I'm already feeling the competition.

I'm slightly possessive of my parents having lots of time with him since he's the first grandchild on my side and the 3rd on DH's.

So far my IL's have been good, but they drop little hints about being "allowed" to come visit their grandson.

My family lives about 4 hours away, but have been here every weekend to visit/help out.

DH's parents usually stop by once a week to visit. It's just harder to schedule them in since I'm BFing and not entirely comfortable with them being in the room while I do that.

My parents are just better with boundaries than DH's are.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Well now we are staying with my parents until we close on our new house but before that it was about once a week to two weeks. They are busy and we are busy and that is how it just works out. With my inlaws we see them about every 2-3 weeks. We also go through spurts where we might see them alot then hardly at all. We are moving to NJ so we will probably see each set of parents once a month maybe more.

Sorry you are going through this.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

My parents are 10 minutes away. When Im down that way, I will stop by.
We usually have dinner together every Sunday.

My inlaws are next door. They are GREAT. Totally respect our privacy. They will call and ask if they can come in or DH will call them and ask them if they would like to come in.

We see each set of parents about 2x a week. Maybe more.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Both my parents and my ILs live within 5 minutes of us. We see my parents ALL the time--DH and I almost consider them as our "best friends." Especially since I've become a SAHM, my mom has been a lifesaver since I'll go to her house whenever I need an escape.

We also see my ILs on a regular basis. We eat dinner there most Thursdays and Katherine goes to their house on Mondays. The experience there is more of an obligation and there's a lot of "small talk."

I also feel that DH's parents are in competition with my parents and basically everyone else over the grandchildren. For example, whenever one of the girls has a particularly cute outfit, MIL needs to know who bought it for her. I have also heard them--many times--badmouth their other sons' inlaws. How they're not there for their grandchildren (like *they* are), etc.

It's come to the point where we lie--or at the very least--omit any time we go to my parents' house, go out to dinner with them, etc. etc. I am really only conveying part of the story here because it goes so deep, too much so to get into here; also, I'm a bit paranoid and probably will take this down myself. It is very stressful!!!

I'm also torn because I appreciate their help and their presence in Katherine and Abby's lives--I never had grandparents myself, so it's important to me that they do.

Anyhow, as you can see--our solution is lying, which I don't recommend. My DH also says, "They won't be around forever." So basically just suck it up. I hope you guys come to a compromise that works for everyone.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I live in CT, my mom and IL's live on LI, my dad is up here in CT.

I see my dad prob twice a month, my IL's and mom, maybe once a month, but it's more like once every 1-2 months.

My mom is in the process of selling and moving up here.

I wish I had my family around, I miss the support-ladies please don't take that for granted that your parents and IL's are close in distance.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I'm lucky...my ILs live far, far away

I see my parents every single day.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I see my MIL everyday since she watches DS. I see FIL maybe once or twice a month (or whenever we go to visit my ILs). I see my Dad everyday since he lives upstairs.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

We see both sets of parents once a month if we're lucky. Both live out of state. But, I understand the competition. If we visit one set we have to go to the other the next week or so. Or if my mom watches Bella, then DH's mom will need to watch her the next time. I too am possessive about my parents seeing her. She is their first grandchild and honestly I feel more comfortable having my mom watch her than DH's. My mom respects our schedule, the way we raise Bella and our directions. I wish she could see both sets more so they could have a stronger relationship.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

Yes, go ahead and pack up to go to another country. I did it. But man oh man...not a day goes by when I don't wish that my mother was around!

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I see my parents everyday. They live next door and they are also our landlords...

I don't know how many times my MIL sees him. I don't really keep track. She comes whenever she has a chance to. Same with my FIL. DH's parents are divorced...

I don't have any issues with my MIL. Once in a blue my MIL might annoy me a little with something but other than that we get along great and she loves DS!

Message edited 6/21/2007 11:24:31 AM.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I see my parents at least 1x a week. They help a lot wit DD and I love spending time with them.

I see my MIL every other Wednesday, as she watches my DD for me. I see my FIL probably 1x a week. This is plenty as they are very opinionated and sometimes drive be nuts.

There is definite competion from my MIL. She always tried to outdo what ever my parents may do. It drives me nuts.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

I see my dad 1 or 2 times a week and my inlaws maybe 1 or 2 times a month (thats more than enough!)

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

We see my IL's and my parents about once or twice a week. They live so close to us, plus they babysit Julia whenever we need them.

My MIL is off on Wednesday's so she will come to my house and watch Julia for me, so I can do what I need to do.

Re: how often do you see your parents/in laws? (vent sort of)

You could be us- we have no one to visit since they all live 3000 miles away Now I am not that sad my MIL lives this far away but I am about my parents.