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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by Pumpkin1
There are lots of problems with this update:
1. Your boss is wrong because you have the right to use sick days to care for your sick kid and you shouldn't be written up about that. For something like this, I would go to HR to complain. Also, find out if there are procedures in place for calling in sick because being required to call her at 1 a.m. does not sound reasonable. (Limit your complaint to this one issue and don't bring up the other issues.)
This right here. I can't imagine that writing someone up for taking a sick or personal day is acceptable HR procedure.
I would check with them on that.
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Posted 4/19/18 12:59 PM  |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Pumpkin1
There are lots of problems with this update:
1. Your boss is wrong because you have the right to use sick days to care for your sick kid and you shouldn't be written up about that. For something like this, I would go to HR to complain. Also, find out if there are procedures in place for calling in sick because being required to call her at 1 a.m. does not sound reasonable. (Limit your complaint to this one issue and don't bring up the other issues.)
This right here. I can't imagine that writing someone up for taking a sick or personal day is acceptable HR procedure.
I would check with them on that.
With my last nightmare job my coworker got written up for calling in too late - also with a sick child. (It was NOT a habit of hers at all, but like I said, they were a holes.)
Most jobs have rules about what time you need to report an absence by.
Was that what the write up was?
Other than that I can't see how it could be valid.
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| Posted 4/19/18 1:23 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by JennP
Posted by NervousNell
Posted by Pumpkin1
There are lots of problems with this update:
1. Your boss is wrong because you have the right to use sick days to care for your sick kid and you shouldn't be written up about that. For something like this, I would go to HR to complain. Also, find out if there are procedures in place for calling in sick because being required to call her at 1 a.m. does not sound reasonable. (Limit your complaint to this one issue and don't bring up the other issues.)
This right here. I can't imagine that writing someone up for taking a sick or personal day is acceptable HR procedure.
I would check with them on that.
With my last nightmare job my coworker got written up for calling in too late - also with a sick child. (It was NOT a habit of hers at all, but like I said, they were a holes.)
Most jobs have rules about what time you need to report an absence by.
Was that what the write up was?
Other than that I can't see how it could be valid.
I am eternally grateful that in all of the 4 large/major corporations I have worked for in
my life across 2 different fields, there was no rules like this. Have to call in sick by a certain time? How about just call in before your day begins so they know you wont' be in?
How about we are adults and professionals so treat us as such?
I guess I am very lucky.
Because places like that sound terrible for moral.
Message edited 4/19/2018 1:28:46 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/18 1:28 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by Pumpkin1
3. You do not have to disclose that you are seeing a therapist and, unless she specifically approved your adjusted schedule, she is right. Talk to your therapist about being more flexible with appointments (evening, etc.) because you are getting in trouble at work. If the therapist won't accommodate, get yourself a new therapist.
4. Will you get a copy of the report and will you have an opportunity to respond?
I got a photocopy of the report and I had the opportunity to respond in person and I could have written responses onto the sheet. By signing it, it states I was made aware, but not that I necessarily agreed with what was stated.
For the therapy appts - she's known what they're for and she approved them. First time she mentioned having issues with me being gone, I changed so now I'm only gone from the office in the morning twice a month. She asked again during my mid-year review how long I think I'll continue and I said I couldn't stop at that time and she continued to approve the twice a month. This time, she basically said it's been almost a year and it should stop, but she agreed to move it back to once a month starting June. My thing is that I make up the time easily - I work 8-5 with a 30 minute lunch during that week so she's actually getting an extra hour from me.
My therapist is flexible which is how I'm able to see her one week at 8am and another week at 5pm. I don't know of another way to fit it in on the weeks I have my son b/c he has to be picked up by 6pm (and it takes 30 minutes to drive to his location from here or the hospital).
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| Posted 4/19/18 1:29 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by JennP
With my last nightmare job my coworker got written up for calling in too late - also with a sick child. (It was NOT a habit of hers at all, but like I said, they were a holes.)
Most jobs have rules about what time you need to report an absence by.
Was that what the write up was?
Other than that I can't see how it could be valid.
Her thing is that everyone was gone and I was going to be the only one from the administrative team in the building. The fact that I couldn't come in was an issue because it put her in a bad position. She thinks that if I had called her at 1am that she could have had time to make alternate arrangements instead of scrambling at 6am to find someone else to cover (she was going out of town to take her elderly mom to several dr appts). She also said that it should have been my responsibility to find a replacement b/c we never discussed the possibility of me not being able to come in. It felt like she was just scrambling for things to say that put me in a bad light b/c there are no guidelines or rules in place about having to contact anyone by a certain time to call out sick, etc. She also dinged me for not having emergency back up in cases like this.
Looking back (after the conversation with her) there's no way I would have called her at 1am. She yells at me for simple stuff on almost a daily basis - do you think she'd be happy to hear from me at 1am?!
She's acting all sweet as pie now. She got to tell me off in an official capacity all the things she's been saving up (not the daily microaggressions) and now she's happy - I can see it in her demeanor. Maybe that means I won't get another biting remark today!
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| Posted 4/19/18 1:42 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by Funkybutt
Posted by JennP
With my last nightmare job my coworker got written up for calling in too late - also with a sick child. (It was NOT a habit of hers at all, but like I said, they were a holes.)
Most jobs have rules about what time you need to report an absence by.
Was that what the write up was?
Other than that I can't see how it could be valid.
Her thing is that everyone was gone and I was going to be the only one from the administrative team in the building. The fact that I couldn't come in was an issue because it put her in a bad position. She thinks that if I had called her at 1am that she could have had time to make alternate arrangements instead of scrambling at 6am to find someone else to cover (she was going out of town to take her elderly mom to several dr appts). She also said that it should have been my responsibility to find a replacement b/c we never discussed the possibility of me not being able to come in. It felt like she was just scrambling for things to say that put me in a bad light b/c there are no guidelines or rules in place about having to contact anyone by a certain time to call out sick, etc. She also dinged me for not having emergency back up in cases like this.
Looking back (after the conversation with her) there's no way I would have called her at 1am. She yells at me for simple stuff on almost a daily basis - do you think she'd be happy to hear from me at 1am?!
She's acting all sweet as pie now. She got to tell me off in an official capacity all the things she's been saving up (not the daily microaggressions) and now she's happy - I can see it in her demeanor. Maybe that means I won't get another biting remark today!
Wow this woman sounds like a real peach.
Maybe SHE should take some time to go to a therapy session or 50.
Maybe she can work out why she feels the need to be a raging bytch in order to feel important and validated.
Message edited 4/19/2018 3:18:47 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/18 2:38 PM |
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SusiBee
. . . . .
Member since 3/09 8268 total posts
Name:
S
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How to handle horrible boss?
She can take time off to take her mom to the doctor, but you cannot take time off to tend to your sick son ?
This is something that I would got to HR about, you are entitled to PTO and should not be penalized.
And why is it your job to come up with a contingency plan to cover any of your absences ?
What a peach.
I firmly believe in what goes around comes around.
She's a bully, plain and simple.
Message edited 4/19/2018 3:32:33 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/18 3:17 PM |
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KirR
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 146 total posts
Name:
K.
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How to handle horrible boss?
This sounds like she is definitely building a case against you. You have to respond, in writing, to the report and put a copy in your HR file. A verbal response doesn't mean a thing. Despite what it said, by signing you agreed with her assessment. When you respond, keep it factual and address each point with specifics. Look at your employee handbook for where these issues are addressed and how officially they should be handled. If you followed the correct procedure, note that. It is discrimination to have one set of rules for you and another for everyone else. Start documenting everything with "notes to file" including dates, times, witnesses and specifics on the incident no matter how insignificant. Keep a copy at home and put one in your HR work file (which you are legally allowed to see as often as you want and something can't be put in there without your knowledge).
I completely agree that HR is not for the employees at all. You need to start to CYA. This person is out to get you. Start looking for jobs outside of your current organization. She will probably try to ruin your reputation within the organization if you just move departments. Just know that she will get hers, they always do. BTW, I've worked in higher education and non-profits my entire career so I understand where you are coming from.
ETA: Refuse to sign any further write ups, if there any. Also, follow up your performance review with a written response, if you are still there.
Message edited 4/19/2018 3:52:59 PM.
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| Posted 4/19/18 3:26 PM |
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RainyDay
LIF Adult
Member since 6/15 3990 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by SusiBee
She can take time off to take her mom to the doctor, but you cannot take time off to tend to your sick son ?
This is something that I would got to HR about, you are entitled to PTO and should not be penalized.
And why is it your job to come up with a contingency plan to cover any of your absences ?
What a peach.
I firmly believe in what goes around comes around.
She's a bully, plain and simple.
This. Why were you the only admin person left in the building? Its managements job to make sure they are staffed accordingly. I would definitely speak to HR
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| Posted 4/19/18 3:48 PM |
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lightblue
LIF Adult
Member since 1/17 2249 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Wow she sounds like a piece of work. I hope you find something else soon so that you can get out of that toxic environment... I don't make a lot of money but I am thankful my boss is flexible, knowing of my situation (2 kids, 1 with special needs). I couldn't imagine getting written up because I couldn't come in when my kid was sick.
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| Posted 4/20/18 3:35 PM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by lightblue
Wow she sounds like a piece of work. I hope you find something else soon so that you can get out of that toxic environment... I don't make a lot of money but I am thankful my boss is flexible, knowing of my situation (2 kids, 1 with special needs). I couldn't imagine getting written up because I couldn't come in when my kid was sick.
today I got an email at 8 am from one of my direct reports. (She starts at 930 am). It said, Hi, my daughter woke up with a sore throat and a fever, may I please work from home today?
My response- Of course. I hope you daughter feels better.
OP- if you were in NY, I'd offer you a job!
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| Posted 4/20/18 4:43 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by NervousNell
today I got an email at 8 am from one of my direct reports. (She starts at 930 am). It said, Hi, my daughter woke up with a sore throat and a fever, may I please work from home today?
My response- Of course. I hope you daughter feels better.
OP- if you were in NY, I'd offer you a job!
And I’d totally take it! She hates when I work from home bc the stuff I work on she feels is a waste of time. Basically, all their records are on microfiche and paper so in my down time I’ve been saving the files electronically and then organizing them. Right now I have over 35,000 documents to sort, and she hates when I work on it. I mean, I’m just trying to clean up her records so I’m not sure why it’s such a sore spot! I could just play Solitaire during my downtime if that’s what she’d prefer! 
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| Posted 4/20/18 5:50 PM |
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LiveItUp
Love my babies!
Member since 8/11 4096 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
I'm not sure if you could get in trouble for this, but maybe you could try recording some conversations with her so you have proof of how she treats you? I'm not sure if that's legal to record someone talking without their knowledge. Maybe someone else on here in the legal field would know? But I feel like then you would have solid proof for HR about how crazy and abusive she is. Good luck to you. I had a similar boss once and I ended up quitting even though I liked the job otherwise.
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| Posted 4/20/18 9:02 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
At this point I’m just hoping I can get a job ASAP - especially if she’s setting it up to fire me by the end of May. Hopefully it won’t take that long to find something else. I’m definitely going to spend the weekend looking!
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| Posted 4/20/18 10:29 PM |
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Mushesgirl
Too blessed to be stressed
Member since 4/09 6691 total posts
Name:
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by SusiBee
She can take time off to take her mom to the doctor, but you cannot take time off to tend to your sick son ?
This is something that I would got to HR about, you are entitled to PTO and should not be penalized.
And why is it your job to come up with a contingency plan to cover any of your absences ?
What a peach.
I firmly believe in what goes around comes around.
She's a bully, plain and simple.
It's HER job to cover you if there's an emergency. Plain and simple. NO i'm not calling you at 1am you fkg nutbag. g T F o h.
Crazytrain. Get off at the next stop.
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| Posted 4/20/18 10:48 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
I spent the weekend updating my resume and applied to 7 jobs. Unfortunately, not much else out there that isn't a step down or stuff I'm qualified for, but 7 is pretty good, I hope! Send some positive vibes that something pans out and I can GTFO of there asap! :)
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| Posted 4/22/18 8:43 PM |
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JennP
LIF Adult
Member since 10/06 3986 total posts
Name:
Jenn
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Best of luck. She sounds awful. I hope you can get out of there ASAP.
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| Posted 4/23/18 8:23 AM |
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tara73
carseat nerd
Member since 11/09 3669 total posts
Name:
Buttercup
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How to handle horrible boss?
For your therapy stuff, put in for formal FMLA protection. She can't penalize you or say a thing about it if it's protected under your FMLA.
And start sending out your resume. Get out of there. Remember, HR is there only to protect the company, not YOU. Unless she is seen as a threat to the company (like if she gives you crap about something protected you could sue over........) they will not do anything about her mistreatment of you
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| Posted 4/23/18 11:13 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
My therapist told me this morning that she heard I might not be able to get another job at this university if I have a warning on my record. So I called HR to verify, and it's correct - I wouldn't be able to get a job anywhere on campus for 6 months after receiving a warning. Thankfully, what I got wasn't a warning, but corrective counseling.
Additionally, I asked the steps that would have to be done to be able to fire someone and she said that I would have to receive 2 official warnings (corrective counseling doesn't count as a warning) - unless I did something that's cause for immediate dismissal (drugs, stealing, etc).
So - that's good news! She can't fire me at the end of this month when we're supposed to meet again and that gives me extra time to find a job (since I haven't heard back from any of the ones I've applied to already). But I also need to be on my best behavior (in her eyes) so I don't get a warning and can get another job in a different department.
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| Posted 5/8/18 2:28 PM |
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TwinDani
We are complete <3
Member since 3/11 1750 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
Posted by Funkybutt
My therapist told me this morning that she heard I might not be able to get another job at this university if I have a warning on my record. So I called HR to verify, and it's correct - I wouldn't be able to get a job anywhere on campus for 6 months after receiving a warning. Thankfully, what I got wasn't a warning, but corrective counseling.
Additionally, I asked the steps that would have to be done to be able to fire someone and she said that I would have to receive 2 official warnings (corrective counseling doesn't count as a warning) - unless I did something that's cause for immediate dismissal (drugs, stealing, etc).
So - that's good news! She can't fire me at the end of this month when we're supposed to meet again and that gives me extra time to find a job (since I haven't heard back from any of the ones I've applied to already). But I also need to be on my best behavior (in her eyes) so I don't get a warning and can get another job in a different department.
I work for a University and we have really great HR and I am thinking that if you were to report her actions they would take it very seriously. Her actions are threatening you and making a hostile work environment. She is 100% wrong with how she is handling this situation. I would make a complaint so you have it on record.
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| Posted 5/8/18 2:50 PM |
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longislemom
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 912 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
Im sorry you have to deal with this.
At my job you are entitled ONLY to 10 sick days per year. If you go over the 10 days you HAVE to apply for FMLA and it HAS to be approved or you will get a 'warning'. So if the FMLA is not approved by management then you get a warning.
Really.really.ridiculous.
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| Posted 5/8/18 7:19 PM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
I found out yesterday from the HR rep that you can get a warning if you go over 6 days a year. But for us, we get one pile of PTO - for sick, vacation, and holidays. Unscheduled PTO (like sick days since it’s not something you ask for in advance) are the 6 days a year. I realized yesterday that my boss made us take unscheduled PTO when there were multiple snow days. So technically I could have gotten written up for a sick day bc she forced us to take those days.
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| Posted 5/9/18 5:31 AM |
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Funkybutt
LIF Adult
Member since 4/15 3049 total posts
Name:
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How to handle horrible boss?
As an employee, what would you have done in this situation?
Boss came to me 2 weeks ago and wanted me to enter graduating students into the Board of Nursing website. She stressed that no one is supposed to have her password and it’s very important that no one knows bc she’s on the Board. She walked me thru how to enter the students but it turned out that it was date sensitive so I had to wait until last Friday to enter bc that was the day they graduated.
On Friday, I enter everyone and submitted it. I printed out the list bc she likes to save paper copies of everything. When I brought it to her she lost her sh1t and yelled at me for 5 minutes because I was supposed to enter everyone but not submit. When submitting it said “I, bosses name, certify that this is correct.” When I was entering the data I paused at that section but kept going bc she never said not to submit and made a big deal of giving me a password that no one else is allowed to have. I assumed that with the password that meant do it all. She said she now has to call the board to let them know what happened and how bad it reflects on her bc she’s on the board. I kept telling her I followed the directions that she gave me, but when I looked again at my notes, there’s no mention of submitting (it wasn’t mentioned - she didn’t say to submit but didn’t stress to not submit).
My feeling is that she shouldn’t say anything to the board - just check the info behind me the verify it’s correct (it is bc I checked it 3 times). But also if she tells the board, wouldn’t she get in trouble for giving me her password?
I’ve felt horrible and deflated ever since. I’m so bummed nothing new has planned out and I’m afraid she’ll ruin my chances of getting another job at this university bc she’s so awful.
Message edited 5/13/2018 11:28:39 AM.
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| Posted 5/13/18 11:25 AM |
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KirR
LIF Infant
Member since 1/09 146 total posts
Name:
K.
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
First of all, if it was such a big deal, she shouldn't have given you her password or access to her account. As a board member, she should know better and hold herself to a higher standard. I'm sure others do this and just don't say anything. You are not at fault for her choice to break the rules. That's on her.
As for her instructions, they were incomplete. If you weren't to submit the names, she should have clearly said so. You did what you felt was the correct action. However, in this situation, you could have asked how she wanted you to proceed. I've had bosses like this (they are more common than one realizes) and you are damned if you do, etc.
It is clear that she is out to get you and will do everything in her power to get rid of you and, probably, whoever comes after you. I don't know what type of job you are looking for but there are a lot of colleges/universities on Long Island and in the NYC area. You don't need to stay within that school and within her toxic reach.
Keep documenting everything to file, keep copies at home and at work, no matter how small the occurrence. And keep looking for a new job. It takes time but it will happen. Reach out to recruiters, update your linked in account, set up accounts on job boards. Think about how your skills can translate to another field. The right situation is out there and coming your way.
ETA: Read your employee handbook from cover to cover and know your rights. Make sure your are in complete compliance to cover your...
Message edited 5/14/2018 8:44:09 AM.
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| Posted 5/14/18 8:40 AM |
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NervousNell
Just another chapter in life..
Member since 11/09 54921 total posts
Name:
..being a mommy and being a wife!
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Re: How to handle horrible boss?
This woman sounds like a nutbag.
You need to get out. Focus really hard on looking for jobs.
It's hard, but you will find something eventually.
This place is toxic
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| Posted 5/14/18 8:43 AM |
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