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HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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Elbee
Zanzibar

Member since 5/05

10767 total posts

Name:
Me

HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

MESS TEST
Smear peanut butter on the sofa and curtains. Place a fish stick behind the couch and leave it there all summer.


TOY TEST
Obtain a 55-gallon box of LEGOs (or you may substitute roofing tacks). Have a friend spread them all over the house. Put on a blindfold. Try to walk to the bathroom or kitchen. Do not scream because this would wake a child at night.


GROCERY STORE TEST
Borrow one or two small animals (goats are best) and take them with you as you shop. Always keep them in sight and pay for anything they eat or damage.


DRESSING TEST
Obtain one large, unhappy, live octopus. Stuff into a small net bag making sure that all the arms stay inside.


FEEDING TEST
Obtain a large plastic milk jug. Fill halfway with water. Suspend from the ceiling with a cord. Start the jug swinging. Try to insert spoonfuls of soggy cereal into the mouth of the jug, while pretending to be an airplane.Now dump the contents of the jug on the floor.



NIGHT TEST
Prepare by obtaining a small cloth bag and fill it with 8-12 pounds of sand.
Soak it thoroughly in water. At 3:00 p.m. begin to waltz and hum with the bag until 9:00 p.m. Lay down your bag and set your alarm for 10:00 p.m. Get up, pick up your bag, and sing every song you have ever heard. Make up about a dozen more and sing these too until 4:00 a. m. Set alarm for 5:00 a.m. Get up and make breakfast. Keep this up for 5 years. Look cheerful.



INGENUITY TEST
Take an egg carton. Using a pair of scissors and pot of paint, turn it into an alligator. Now take a toilet paper tube and turn it into an attractive Christmas candle. Use only scotch tape and a piece of foil.
Last, take a milk carton, a Ping-Pong ball, and an empty box of Cocoa Puffs. Make an exact replica of the Eiffel Tower.


AUTOMOBILE TEST
Forget the BMW and buy a station wagon. Buy a chocolate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there. Get a dime. Stick it into the cassette player. Take a family size package of chocolate chip cookies.Mash them into the back seat. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car. There, perfect.



PHYSICAL TEST (Women)
Obtain a large bean bag chair and attach it to the front of your clothes. Leave it there for 9 months. Now remove 10 of the beans.



PHYSICAL TEST (Men)
Go to the nearest drug store. Set your wallet on the counter. Ask the clerk to help himself. Now proceed to the nearest food store. Go to the head office and arrange for your paycheck to be directly deposited to the store. Purchase a newspaper. Go home and read it quietly for the last time.


FINAL ASSIGNMENT
Find a couple who already have a small child. Lecture them on how they can improve their discipline, patience, tolerance, toilet training and child's table manners. Suggest many ways they can improve. Emphasize to them that they should never allow their children to run wild. Enjoy this experience. It will be the last time you will have all the answers.

Posted 6/8/07 9:07 AM
 
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ziamaria
I love this boy!

Member since 4/07

3372 total posts

Name:

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon andChat Icon Chat Icon the reality...lol

Posted 6/8/07 9:28 AM
 

MrsK
LIF Adolescent

Member since 10/06

891 total posts

Name:
Christine

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon Chat Icon that is too funny!! Chat Icon

Posted 6/8/07 9:42 AM
 

Mrs
LIF Adult

Member since 6/05

1652 total posts

Name:

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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Posted 6/8/07 9:44 AM
 

Smiles111
...

Member since 12/06

1905 total posts

Name:

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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Posted 6/8/07 9:50 AM
 

Kate
*****

Member since 5/05

7557 total posts

Name:
Kate

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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Posted 6/8/07 10:05 AM
 

waterspout4
My loves

Member since 5/06

19150 total posts

Name:
Kelly

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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Posted 6/8/07 10:32 AM
 

MrsDiamondgrlie
Bailey

Member since 5/05

12810 total posts

Name:
D

Re: HOW TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT YOU ARE READY TO HAVE CHILDREN ...

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I like the octopus analogy best!

Posted 6/8/07 10:36 AM
 
 

Potentially Related Topics:

Topic Posted By Started Replies Forum
How did you know you were ready? Lanabean 5/18/06 15 TTC
I know I'm not ready for #2...so why am I sad about AF? btrflygrl 4/25/06 5 Parenting
When/ How did you know that you were ready neenie 10/24/05 17 Parenting
When did you know you were ready jakesmom 7/5/05 5 TTC
Anyone know if there is a free website that you can make for older children? Scotty-CassidysMom 6/24/05 5 Parenting
How did DH know he was ready? christy 5/26/05 0 TTC
 
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