How Would You Feel?

My husband & I had been trying to conceive for a while and eventually did IVF and had a boy and a girl this past August. Twins run in my husband's family so it is very believable when we tell people that twins run in the family and we lucked out. Anyway, I only told my close friends and immediate family that we did IVF.

When I was in the hospital delivering our babies my "close" friend was posting on FB that I was having the babies and made 2-3 posts about it without my knowledge. She was in the hospital when I was delivering. I was upset because I didn't tell anyone on FB that I was pregnant. I was going to make an announcement when we were all safe at home and I knew everyone was healthy. Anyway, I felt like she stole my thunder as these are the only children we will have. I eventually got past it and moved on.

Today on Facebook, an acquaintance of mine and a very close friend of the girl who stole my thunder posted a picture of twins wearing shirts that said "Two for the price of one" & tagged me in the post and wrote my full name above the picture!! I immediately wrote her to delete my name and untag me from her post. She said she couldn't do it then from her cell but will when she got home. I then sent the one that stole my thunder a message thanking her for telling the whole world that I had IVF. Seconds later she said that she didn't and her friend that posted the pic and tagged me didn't know and that she tagged me because it was cute. Then the thunder stealer swears that she didn't tell anyone except her best friend because her best friend was asking her. How would you feel if this had happened to you?? What would you do?

In addition, the same person has yet to come and visit our new family and is even to busy to make plans with me. However, she was in such a rush to get to the hospital to post on FB that I was having the babies! Now she is nowhere to be found.

How Would You Feel?

To be honest I would be pissed that she told everyone before you did BUT I woulndt be pissed about people know about you having IVF..... I am very open and tell people thats what I did...I dont see it as a big deal bc now days everyone is using drugs to get pregnant and having multiples.....Congrats on the babies :)

Re: How Would You Feel?

to be honest it sounds like u have other issues with her and this was just the icing on the cake

did she know u did not tell anyone on fb and that u wanted to make the announcement?

could it be once she saw the babies were ok she was just excited and wanted to share the news and not steal your thunder?

Re: How Would You Feel?

Re: How Would You Feel?

giving her the benefit of the doubt, i'd ask these questions too... but yes, i'd be mad. some people dont know how to act on facebook. depending on how the friendship is otherwise, i'd either ream her out, or stop talking to her lol

but the two for the price of one- it wouldnt occur to me that people would assume that meant ivf. does it?


I was going to say the same thing. Honestly I've heard people say two for the price of one many times in referring to twins. I think it has nothing to do with IVF.

Re: How Would You Feel?

I'd be pissed...I hate when others share things on FB for me...and this is something very big!

It would also bother me that they are talking about your IVF behind your back when your friend knows you are very quiet about it. She obviously knows you don't tell everyone your business. If she is really your friend she wouldn't have done it...

Re: How Would You Feel?

Thanks Cowgirl you are absolutely right.

Re: How Would You Feel?

Re: How Would You Feel?

I absolutely hate when other people spread my business around without my knowledge - that being said, i do a pretty good job of being open with anyone i meet in terms of our fertility issues because i feel like you never know who is silently suffering on their own and i always felt it was comforting to hear someone else's happy ending when i was going through it.

This "close friend" is either not a good friend at all or just a total blabbermouth. I have to say though if she has yet to come visit you then she is clearly not a good friend and I would probably just move on without her.

In terms of the photo about two for the price of one - I think it could mean IVF or it could mean you got two babies with just one pregnancy and not have anything to do with IVF.

At the end of the day, you've been incredibly blessed with two beautiful healthy babies and you should just focus on that. These other "friends" seem completely clueless to all that you've been through!

How Would You Feel?

Thanks Melissa. You are 110% right

Re: How Would You Feel?

I think you are reading into the two for the price of one thing because of your other issues with her. I would be annoyed what she did too.

But two for the price of one is a common phrase used with twins. I even say it about my own and they were not IVF.

How Would You Feel?

I know how you feel. My MIL announced to their whole side of the family that were were expecting twins. Even though we specifically told her we were going to make the big announcement at christmas when the family was together. I was really pissed. I was having a difficult pregnancy and we didn't know if B would make it. I was sad for my husband because he felt like she stole his big moment to tell his cousins. I found out she blabbed when we got a card in the mail from DH's cousin congratulating us. I had my husband deal with MIL and didn't speak to her for the entire rest of my pregnancy because I was afraid I would say things I would regret. Pregnancy hormones an all that :O)

As for the runs in the family thing. My sister has twins. Hers are a natural miracle mine are an IUI one. I have mixed feelings about sharing how they were born. If it's someone I think is TTC or someone who I care about I have no problems telling. If it is just someone making conversation and I don't want to get into it I just tell them yes, they run in the family.

I find it more irritating when someone asks if they are twins. It happens every time we are out. They are the same size, they are wearing either the same clothes or very similar outfits. I know they are just making conversation but it's a pet peeve of mine. Im sure my annoyance is probably more because I have only slept thru the night about 12 times in the past 2 years.

Have you ever seen this video on YouTube, it's funny. Moms of multiples are freaks of nature:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tT-lgB_HGEE

As for the facebook announcement... facebook is not safe or private. Friends of friends can see your name and photos that your friends have commented on. It is a very public forum. I had posted a few photos on FB then got so paranoid I took them all down. I hate when people tag me in bad photos of myself. I untag them but still, I don't think people THINK when they post photos of other people publicly.

Message edited 10/5/2012 9:57:43 AM.

How Would You Feel?

Traysee- Thank you that video is awesome and sooo true!!!!

Re: How Would You Feel?

That video was great!!!

The facebook would not bother me, but that is me. You are right to feel however you are feeling. If this was a close friend, she probably would know you really well and would know that it wasn't cool to do what she did.

How Would You Feel?

Your right, I guess she is really not a close friend after all.