I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

I never like the holidays...well, I like the days leading up to Christmas itself but I don't like the crazy shopping and the 2 months of holiday music etc. I am just not into it. So add to that, the stress of a new job that I am iffy about.....driving to my MIL's house in NC ON Christmas Eve (I have to work that Friday) and my family giving me grief about not seeing me for the holidays and I am ready to skip the whole thing.

So, I invite my family over for this Saturday to celebrate so at least we see each other. Then I invite my aunt & uncle, who live near me in NJ. My parents live in Queens. I call my Mom to confirm for Saturday and she says "Dad and I dont feel like driving to NJ on Sat. so you guys can come here". MOM, I already invited you HERE as well as additional company. She says "Oh well, you can just reschedule with them, they live near you". I was dumbfounded. So I tell my DH and he is like NO WAY are we driving to Queens when we invited them here, and we drive somewhere every weekend.

So I am seriously thinking of skipping it. I havent even done ANY Christmas shopping or seriously cleaned my house in weeks. I mean, deep cleaning. Then the weekend after this one we will be down in NC.

The stress is just really getting to me and I am not enjoying anything. Every night I just want to go to sleep so it could be one day closer to Dec 26th.

Should I call my mom and just put it off til after the holidays? Part of me wants to prove a point and the other part just wants a mental health break.

Message edited 12/16/2005 9:55:37 AM.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Sorry you are having such a rough time with things right now, Jen.



I don't think it's a problem to tell them you'll do it after Christmas. It's important to do what you need to do.

I'm in a similar position with my family - THEY don't feel like coming up to NJ, but it's not a big deal to them for me and DH to drive down there. This year I'm s ucking it up and doing it, but there have been plenty of times in the past where I put my foot down.

Good luck!!

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

I would just tell your mom that you're having people over on Saturday. Tell her that you're shopped and cleaned and plans have been made and confirmed. If your parents can't make it then you will make plans to see them after the holidays.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Ugg, that is just rude. I would go with nferrandi's response. I am really sorry you have to deal with this and from your parents no less

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...

Recap & UPDATE 12/16/05:

So, last night I called my mom and said we will not be coming to Queens, but the invitation still stands for them to come to our house in NJ. (Tom and I have been travelling every weekend since before Thanksgiving). My mom said "Well, then I guess we'll just have to get together in January" and I was like, Ok, I guess that's it then. And we hung up. (We usually stay on the phone for an hour!)

So then, my sister starts texting me last night saying how my parents are upset that I am not making an effort to see them for the holidays and how could I do that, etc. I invited them by me and they declined!! PLUS I had to call my aunt and un-invite them for Saturday because I did not want to cause more trouble if they came over and my parents didn't. My aunt understood.

So, now I look like the evil daughter and their holiday is "ruined" and as for me, I could care less, and really wish I could just skip the holidays.

What do you guys think??

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

Jen

I think you did the right thing. You mother needs to realize you are an adult now, with a home of your own and if she is invited she needs to come or not come, but that is her choice and she needs to deal with that.

I think you should give it a few days and call her and explain it again and leave it at that. She's your mom, she's not going to be mad forever.

Message edited 12/16/2005 9:59:20 AM.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

I think your mom is having a hard time understanding that you are married now and have to split your time on holidays. Is this the first year you are not seeing your family for Christmas? It is hard to buck tradition, but you did offer to host them at your house and they declined, so I am not sure why everyone is so mad at you.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

Posted by Elbee

Jen

I think you did the right thing. You mother needs to realize you are an adult now, with a home of your own and if she is invited she needs to come or not come, but that is her choice and she needs to deal with that.

I think you should give it a few days and call her and explain it again and leave it at that. She's your mom, she's not going to be mad forever.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

thanks everyone

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

I would think your mom would feel 'honored' to visit her daughter for a holiday...She 'should' feel proud of her daughter offering to host a day/evening w/ company and all the work that goes into that. Is there something else that might be upsetting her? Unless they really just don't feel like driving, now you just enjoy the free time you have available??? make it a special day for you and your DH? I know, it is easier for me to say all this b/c if it was me....I'd be upset as well.

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

Jen, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! We're making trips from NJ to LI and Queens all the time too so I know how it *****. Doesn't your Mom realize how rude she is being by saying they just don't feel like coming to NJ! You have every right to be upset after making all the plans and getting prepared for Saturday. How is it that they don't feel like making the trip, but expect you and Tom to do it?! I'm sorry, but I think you are the one who should be upset not your mom. If I were you I wouldn't go to your parents. You already made the effort to share the holidays with them and your mom is ruining your plans not the other way around. I hope things work out! I'm on your side 100%!

Re: I am ready to just skip the holidays...UPDATE

Posted by Bebalina

Posted by Elbee

Jen

I think you did the right thing. You mother needs to realize you are an adult now, with a home of your own and if she is invited she needs to come or not come, but that is her choice and she needs to deal with that.

I think you should give it a few days and call her and explain it again and leave it at that. She's your mom, she's not going to be mad forever.

ditto! good post Lisa!