I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

Its not really parenting related but maybe a little..

It has to do with my mom. I posted last month about how she was making so much miserable for me at the happiest time of my life. First it is the christening for DS...she screamed at me that i was selfish for considering doing his christening in VA where i live instead of in NY...

I bit the bullet on that one, apologized even though I never felt in the wrong b/c I thought I was being the bigger person. Now...we haven't spoken in nearly 3 weeks...all because we had to break up christmas and we are spending the 23rd, 24th adn morning of the 25th with her and then going to DH's family's house in NJ. She makes comments like "maybe i should move to AZ and everyone will cater to me"...(meaning i am accommodating his parents who recently moved to phoenix).

I feel awful that my own mom is missing out on his updates. She is a single mom of 6 and takes most things out on me, her eldest daughter. I am just so upset but also sick of it.

She has NOT contacted me...and i don't think she will. Do I go ahead and try to make amends once again? Or do i ignore it all and let time pass till Christmas...even though it'll be awkward when that time comes. Ugh. This shouldn't be happening but it is. I am heartbroken that my own mom, who i was once very close to is doing this to me at this time. It doesn't make sense. I am already alone out in VA with no mom friends, only DH really..

Message edited 11/16/2006 2:43:27 PM.

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

Sorry your mom is making things hard for you. Where in VA are you?

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

I'm so sorry she is acting that way...

Maybe you could call her and tell her you don't want to fight with her, that you love her and that you feel bad that she is missing out on this special and important time in your life. Try explaining to her that you aren't trying to be difficult. It's hard on you living in VA, having her in New York and your DH's family in AZ...and you are doing the best that you can.

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

Posted by Taylorsmom

I'm so sorry she is acting that way...

Maybe you could call her and tell her you don't want to fight with her, that you love her and that you feel bad that she is missing out on this special and important time in your life. Try explaining to her that you aren't trying to be difficult. It's hard on you living in VA, having her in New York and your DH's family in AZ...and you are doing the best that you can.

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

I don't have much advice b/c my mom is the exact same way and it's always a no win situation with her. All I've learned is that I hae to stand my ground now that I have a family of my own. Sometimes my mom comes around and sometimes she doesn't. It's heartbreaking, I know.

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

awwwwhhhh.....I feel so bad for you.....

I betcha she does feel the same way...it's just that some people are really stubborn.

The only advice I can give you is keep trying...if not for your sake that for your DS.

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

I can understand how you feel. A similar situation happened with my mom for several years - only now w/the birth of Samantha has my mom started to come around. It must be weird to any mom to have their own child have a baby - so maybe she is struggling with dealing with that, or she could be going through hormonal changes maybe - or is just stressed and almost jealous you have this precious bundle of joy she is not very close to in terms of location. Hang in there and follow your heart w/what to do - only you walk in your shoes and I am sure whatever you decide (and regardless of the outcome!) you will make yourself proud and do the right thing!

if you ever need someone to vent to who can understand - feel free to fm me!

lots of !

Re: I am so sad but don't know what to do...any advice?

My advice may be harsh because I have no tolerance for people, family or not, who act like that.
First off, your mom is not the only grandparent here. You are spending part of Christmas day with her. She needs to understand that now that you are married you cannot always be with her at every single holiday. Many familes and couples go through this. It's not easy, you do what you have to do. But she is not making it easier on you and that is not fair.
I would call her and talk to her about it. I would not apologize though - you did nothing wrong. Maybe you can make her understand all of this.
And not for nothing but I don't see how she can make the moving to AZ comment when it seems like your in-laws are coming to the east coast (NJ) to see YOU and DH and the baby...not the other way around. It could have easily been you guys flying out to AZ and she would not see you at all so she should count her blessings!

Again, I have no tolerance for people that pull the guilt trip stuff so my advice might not be that great but I hope it helps a bit.