I don't know what to do, prayers needed (UPDATE)

In the beginning of September I posted that my MIL's cancer had spread to her brain. We later found out that it wasn't cancer and that they thought she had a mini stroke. My FIL called last night and told us that he wanted a second opinion and took her MRI to another HIP center Dr. He said it didn't look anything like a mini stroke and was in the wrong place for a stroke to even be in. He sent her for another MRI. This morning we found out it is cancer and they estimate she has 4 to 8 months to live. I just want to scream. My DH is very very close with his parents and is just beside himself. He just left to go over there and talk to his parents. I want them to go out of network and see a reputable neurosurgeon. I just feel like these HIP Dr's suck and have messed up so many things with her care.(This started as lung cancer) I don't know what to do for my DH, every time I try to console him I start crying and I think it makes it worse. Damien has no idea what is going on and is upset that we are upset, so thankfully he went over to my Mom's apt. I am so thankful that we are having another baby to help the family cope with this. Thanks for listening and please send prayers our way.


UPDATE:

So if my MIL chooses she could have brain surgery to remove the tumor. The only thing is she has a high chance of being blind in one eye and loss of motor munction on one side. They estimate it would give her 1 year to 15 months to live. She doesn't want to do it as it would be her fifth surgery. She has the progression that lung cancer usually takes: lungs first, then bones, then brain. My MIL is worried about her quality of life. My SIL's and Dh are going to talk to them about going out of network, but I am afraid she has given up. She is so sick and tired of Dr's and medication, she just wants to be left in peace. I am hoping once she has time to think about it she will decide to go for another opinion out of network. This has been a six year battle for her and think she is just done.

I can't thank you all enough for your kind words and FM's it means the world to me. We are all very lucky to have found this place and this support system.

Message edited 11/5/2006 10:34:15 AM.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I'm so sorry Stacey

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I wish I had words to console you and your family. Unfortunately we went through something very similiar. We found out less than 24 hours of coming home our HM that Scott's mom had only a few months to live. It was like being on an emotional rollercoaster.

I wouldn't give up hope, cancer is a very unpredicitable disease. Hopefully you and your family can get another opinion and get the best care.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Just want to send you some hugs Stacey.



It might help all of you to talk to a social worker.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Stacey, I am here if you need to talk sweetie. I really dont know what to say except I am praying for you, and I know how hard it can be to remain strong when you just dont have it in you.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

OMG Stacey I am so sorry to hear this... We are all here for you and i am saying a prayer for your family..

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry Stacey

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry to hear this news! God Bless you all!

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I agree that they should look for different opinions.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry Stacey My prayers are with you and your family!

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I'm so sorry Stacey.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Stacey I am so sorry

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

go out of network..I think you have to.

Hang in there..maybe there's hope..please find a doctor out of the network.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

My prayers are with you.

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry!! I will keep your MIL in my prayers!

The only thing I can tell you is to lock yourself somewhere and CRY...let it ALL OUT...then do the same with your husband, it's OK to be scared and vent. Get it out of your system and then gather all the strength you have and help him through this. Be positive when you speak to your MIL...don't let her sense your worry or doubt.

Find the best doctors you can. When DH started on this road, we went for 2nd and 3rd opinions...because different doctors want to do different things. It's the best thing we ever did because we have a wonderful oncologist now. Your doctor needs to be someone the family trusts and who is knowledgeable. Also, trust yourself...meaning, if you think it's one thing and the doctors say another, don't take that as truth until you've verified it and have gotten the same from other doctors. They don't know it all.

I'm sorry you're going through this. Be strong. Your husband needs you. Be positive, that's crucial. And fight...give your MIL strenght to fight too.

I'm here if you need to vent!

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

Re: I don't know what to do, prayers needed

I am so sorry Stacey!!!