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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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I don't know what to do...WWYD?
So I'm throwing Dh a suprise 30th bday. Now with all that has been going on with said family member-it woudln't be fair to have alcohol. I know this.
But there are other family members that don't know what is going on...
What do I do?
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Posted 4/23/08 9:57 PM  |
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june262004
But I love the Snow!
Member since 5/05 15379 total posts
Name:
Kristin
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
In all honestly I'd have alcohol. It's not your problem, and you shouldn't have to babysit.
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| Posted 4/23/08 9:59 PM |
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hbugal
Lesigh
Member since 2/07 15928 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by june262004
In all honestly I'd have alcohol. It's not your problem, and you shouldn't have to babysit.
although ive read your posts I cant say that Ive got all the info..
with that said though..
I totally agee with this..
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| Posted 4/23/08 10:02 PM |
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Reese1106
Family of 4! :o)
Member since 8/06 6655 total posts
Name:
Theresa
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
I would serve alcohol. Your family member is facing a difficult situation but not having alcohol when you normally would serve it may make him/her feel worse. Part of getting help is learning to deal with the temptation that faces a person in every day life. I know you are already aware of this but I really think you should plan the party as you normally would have if your family member wasn't in this situation.
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| Posted 4/23/08 10:07 PM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
My sister is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict and when I have parties, she is invited and there is alcohol. If she throws a party, I am invited but there is no alcohol.
So, it would be a situation of how close the person is. If it's your DH - then no alcohol...anyone else, I would have alcohol. The alcoholic is not going to be able to avoid booze totally - if he/she is committed then they won't drink even if booze is there, if he/she is going to drink your party will have nothing to do with it.
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| Posted 4/23/08 10:28 PM |
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MeeshkaMich
LL=Yum
Member since 2/06 5616 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
let me start by saying in the end its your choice do what makes you comfortable, but...
From a counselor point of view it is encouraged that recovering addicts to not be in the presence of alcohol. Where I did my internship we made it a point that when in recovery PEOPLE, PLACES and THINGS are what keep a recovering addict in recovery or on the other hand cause relapse. Clients I had agreed that avoiding places/people with alcohol was key to staying sober
If this family member will be attending this party and he is newly in recovery I personally wouldn't serve the alcohol because I would want to support the family member to the fullest. This is just IMHO.
Message edited 4/23/2008 11:02:54 PM.
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| Posted 4/23/08 11:01 PM |
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ReiRei13
Life is Good!!
Member since 1/08 6460 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by Reese1106
I would serve alcohol. Your family member is facing a difficult situation but not having alcohol when you normally would serve it may make him/her feel worse. Part of getting help is learning to deal with the temptation that faces a person in every day life. I know you are already aware of this but I really think you should plan the party as you normally would have if your family member wasn't in this situation.
ITA! Hope it all works out!
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| Posted 4/23/08 11:15 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
I would serve alcohol but have plenty of non-alcoholic beverages - including sparkling cider for a champagne toast if you're having one.
I would also let him know that he/she should feel free to bring a guest or two if he would like some support.
If it was a small gathering at a house, I probably wouldn't serve alcohol or drink, but I could always take or leave it anyway.
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| Posted 4/23/08 11:18 PM |
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LiveAgain
Listen close....
Member since 8/07 3545 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by Gertyrae
My sister is a recovering alcoholic/drug addict and when I have parties, she is invited and there is alcohol. If she throws a party, I am invited but there is no alcohol.
So, it would be a situation of how close the person is. If it's your DH - then no alcohol...anyone else, I would have alcohol. The alcoholic is not going to be able to avoid booze totally - if he/she is committed then they won't drink even if booze is there, if he/she is going to drink your party will have nothing to do with it.
ITA!
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| Posted 4/23/08 11:25 PM |
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greenfreak
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Member since 9/06 11483 total posts
Name:
greenfreak
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Yes, have the alcohol. I know he'll be tempted, but that's part of the struggle he will be faced with which he must overcome.
I think you will draw more attention to him and his struggle if you don't have alcohol.
Btw, I think it's great that you think of him that much. My mother and I don't drink alcohol in front of my father, but we are the only ones.
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| Posted 4/24/08 7:50 AM |
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seank80
Don't Taze My Dog Bro!!
Member since 5/07 2240 total posts
Name:
Sean
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
If my DW threw me a 30th party and it was a dry party. I would probably throw a tantrum right there. Hahahah sorry but that is my opinion.
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| Posted 4/24/08 8:20 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by seank80
If my DW threw me a 30th party and it was a dry party. I would probably throw a tantrum right there. Hahahah sorry but that is my opinion.
I know he would too--and I said that I would have done something seperate with our friends if this had happened a few months ago.
But this is all still so new. It sucks-- I only have a week to decide
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| Posted 4/24/08 9:49 AM |
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kerrycec03
Mom of 2 beautiful boys!!
Member since 6/06 13519 total posts
Name:
Kerry
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by hbugal
Posted by june262004
In all honestly I'd have alcohol. It's not your problem, and you shouldn't have to babysit.
although ive read your posts I cant say that Ive got all the info..
with that said though..
I totally agee with this..
ditto
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| Posted 4/24/08 9:51 AM |
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bicosi
life is a carousel
Member since 7/07 14956 total posts
Name:
M
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by kerrycec03
Posted by hbugal
Posted by june262004
In all honestly I'd have alcohol. It's not your problem, and you shouldn't have to babysit.
although ive read your posts I cant say that Ive got all the info..
with that said though..
I totally agee with this..
ditto
Ditto here too.
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| Posted 4/24/08 9:52 AM |
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Shelly
She's 7!!!
Member since 8/05 14624 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
I don't really know your story, but did this family member abuse one type of alcohol over another? Perhaps you could serve beer and wine if he drank liquor or vice versa.
I know its not the same as a dry party to the family member, but you are at least reducing his temptation if he has a drink of choice.
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| Posted 4/24/08 9:57 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by Shelly
I don't really know your story, but did this family member abuse one type of alcohol over another? Perhaps you could serve beer and wine if he drank liquor or vice versa.
I know its not the same as a dry party to the family member, but you are at least reducing his temptation if he has a drink of choice.
He drank both so it wouldn't make a difference 
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| Posted 4/24/08 10:05 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
bump...still need suggestions/opinions...
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| Posted 4/25/08 11:54 PM |
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Blu-ize
Plan B is Now Plan A
Member since 7/05 32475 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by MeeshkaMich
let me start by saying in the end its your choice do what makes you comfortable, but...
From a counselor point of view it is encouraged that recovering addicts to not be in the presence of alcohol. Where I did my internship we made it a point that when in recovery PEOPLE, PLACES and THINGS are what keep a recovering addict in recovery or on the other hand cause relapse. Clients I had agreed that avoiding places/people with alcohol was key to staying sober
If this family member will be attending this party and he is newly in recovery I personally wouldn't serve the alcohol because I would want to support the family member to the fullest. This is just IMHO.
I fully agree with this. My brother is an alcoholic. At our Passover Seder there was no wine. There was no way I was going to do that to my brother. It's one of the hardest things to do to stay dry and he needs all the support he can get.
No booze..
I would have a smaller party after with some friends only maybe and have the booze..this way he gets 2 parties so it's a win for everyone.
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| Posted 4/26/08 12:07 AM |
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EckoRed81504
We are complete <3
Member since 12/07 6299 total posts
Name:
April
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
The whole thing is..invitations are out. I can't change anything now--the party is on friday. I'm having it at a hall.
It is my choice whether to have alcohol or not, but I don't want people to be like "no beer. this party sucks. im leaving" and have dh's party be ruined. There are many family members that don't know what has been going on, so I don't want to raise any questions. And in all honesty--no alcohol will raise questions with MANY other family members.
On the other hand, if family member says no alcohol, there will be no alcohol.
I was asking other family members what to do, and of 2 people--they each have different opinions.
UGhhhh. I'm lost.
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| Posted 4/26/08 1:16 AM |
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MsMBV
:P
Member since 5/05 28602 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by june262004
In all honestly I'd have alcohol. It's not your problem, and you shouldn't have to babysit.
It is incredibly hard for a recovering alcoholic/substance abuser to be around it so soon. And it would draw more attention to him if there were alcohol there and he were not to drink.
I say if you feel uncomfortable and want to make the intervention/rehab work, do not serve alcohol. 
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| Posted 4/26/08 7:56 AM |
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ctrain1124
Our Gang!
Member since 8/07 3190 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
We just went to a surprise party for our friend who is a recovering alcoholic. His wife had alcohol served.
But I guess also at this point he is also finally strong enough not to be tempted by it.
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| Posted 4/26/08 9:05 AM |
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Gertyrae
Peace out Homies!
Member since 5/05 20046 total posts
Name:
Gerty ®
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Why don't you try asking the alcoholic him/her self?
He/She will know their comfort level and be able to tell you what they would be able to handle...or maybe they may want to bow out of the party altogether.
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| Posted 4/26/08 9:47 AM |
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NewYawkah
2012--A year of new beginnings
Member since 5/05 4402 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Honestly, if he can't handle it yet, he should stay home. You shouldn't have to cater to his every need. A lot of people WILL say, no alcohol? this party sucks. Or, they will want to know why, and may just find out that he's an alcoholic.
I'm sorry this is making things so hard for you!
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| Posted 4/26/08 9:51 AM |
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Songwriter76
LIF Adult
Member since 4/08 902 total posts
Name:
David
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Its fine to serve alcohol. I think it would be worse if you didn't. Treat them like you would everyone else. They would probably not be too cool with feeling like the were spoiling everyone else's time, ya know.
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| Posted 4/27/08 1:08 PM |
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MeeshkaMich
LL=Yum
Member since 2/06 5616 total posts
Name:
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Re: I don't know what to do...WWYD?
Posted by ctrain1124
We just went to a surprise party for our friend who is a recovering alcoholic. His wife had alcohol served.
But I guess also at this point he is also finally strong enough not to be tempted by it.
It takes time and I'm sure that person was already in recovery awhile to have been comfortable in that environment. However based on OP previous threads her family member has only recently admitted to having an addiction and only recently began the steps to recovery. Being at an event with alchohol served so soon after (few weeks) would not be in the best interest of the person trying to stay sober.
ETA: Relapse can occur at any time, even after a recovering addict hass 10, 15, 20 years of being sober it is an overpowering addiction. There is a reason why a person who was an addict is forever known as being in recovery no matter how many years he/she have remained sober.
Message edited 4/27/2008 1:21:19 PM.
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| Posted 4/27/08 1:19 PM |
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