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Ambersmom
Straight up nasty
Member since 5/05 7740 total posts
Name:
Sharon
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I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I was super close with her, so it's a big hit to me emotionally. She was the only one in his family who ever treated me with respect and love. Before she was put into the nursing home, I used to see her every other week; take her shopping, bring her dinner, do plantings for her at her apartment. The last time I saw her was six months ago and at that time she was thrilled (yes, this is his grandmother) that I filed becuase she knew how unhappy I was and she felt I deserved better. I'm filled with such incredible guilt of not seeing her sooner. I had this "feeling" I should see her before I left for El Paso, and now I'll never have the chance
Alot of people within my immediate family think I should avoid the wake, although STBX indicated that he did want me there. I know alot of his family are going to have their comments or disapproving looks (I've basically been labeled with the Scarlet Letter). I'm also on the fence about bringing Amber. She saw Grandma about every other week and grew very close to her. She has some understanding of life/death and I don't want her to not have closure. Opinions guys would be appreciated:
A.) Should I go?
B.) Should I bring Amber?
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Posted 6/29/07 2:03 PM  |
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Long Island Weddings
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pinkandblue
Our family is complete, maybe
Member since 9/05 32436 total posts
Name:
Stephanie
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
wow, tough one. I think you should go if you were close to her, screw what his family thinks unless you will be very uncomfortable....
I would not bring my dd, if things get catty , she does not need to see that...kwim?
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:08 PM |
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dpli
Daylight savings :)
Member since 5/05 13973 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I would go, pay my respects and leave. I think it shows a lot of class for you to show, regardless of what they think. She is your DD's great-grandmother and you had a good relationship with her.
I am not sure I would bring Amber. She is young and it might be strange for her to see all of that. And, if it does get dicey with the X family, she won't be there to see it.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:12 PM |
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baghag
:P
Member since 5/05 10278 total posts
Name:
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
Posted by dpli
I would go, pay my respects and leave. I think it shows a lot of class for you to show, regardless of what they think. She is your DD's great-grandmother and you had a good relationship with her.
Ditto.
Do you think that bringing Amber will shame them into being polite? If you think they'll behave for her sake, I think it would be ok.
ETA: I'm sorry for your loss.  
Message edited 6/29/2007 2:15:06 PM.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:14 PM |
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QuoteTheRaven424
22 Months?!!!!
Member since 5/05 13659 total posts
Name:
And If That Isn't A True Blue Miracle
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
tough call indeed
Given that this will likely create an uncomfortable environment for you and Amber, I wouldn't go - and I'd explain that to STBX - that you don't need to go somewhere and be judged and feel uncomfortable.
He'll get mad - but in the end, it's not his decision.
But you need closure.
So, what I'd say then is wait a week or 2 and go to the cemetery - hopefully someone will tell you where the plot is. This way you can have your goodbye moment with her -just you and no one around to make you uncomfortable. Bring Amber to that as well. It's nice a quiet and you can answer any questions she may have about death.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:15 PM |
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mka06
LIF Adult
Member since 8/06 1079 total posts
Name:
Melis
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
i think you should go, but not stay super long. That way you pay your respects, but won't disrupt anything if there are people who will be unhappy with you being there and are rude to you. Regardless of whether they are wrong to be that way - I'm sure you wouldn't want there to be an issue at the wake for the grandmother's sake.
ETA - I am sorry for your loss!
Message edited 6/29/2007 2:28:11 PM.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:17 PM |
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CouponKT
Our family is complete
Member since 6/06 16494 total posts
Name:
K
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I think if you didn't go, it would be worse.
I would go, bring Amber and make it short and sweet. It's about you and your relationship with her - nobody else should have anything to say
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:24 PM |
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McSullivan
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Member since 5/05 1573 total posts
Name:
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I'm so sorry.
I would probably go and pay my respects (it might be helpful for how you are feeling also).
I don't have any children though, so I'm not sure what I would do. Go with you gut on this one.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:26 PM |
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Boobobunny
Live in the Present
Member since 5/05 3572 total posts
Name:
Dannielle
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I think that since you were close to Bob's grandmother you should go to the wake to say one last good bye...you might regret it if you don't
I don't think that I would bring Amber. Seeing her great grandmother in the coffin might be too much for her.
My grandmother is sick and this subject recently came up in discussion...I said that although James knows her...I think that he would be very upset to see her lying there...so when she does pass James and Marianna will be staying home.
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| Posted 6/29/07 2:47 PM |
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Tracey
***********
Member since 5/05 6297 total posts
Name:
Tracey - brideinapril
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
If I were you and given how close you were with her - I would go, pay my respects and leave.
I honestly don't think I would bring Amber - its a hard age and I don't think she should really see her grandma in the coffin. Not sure though.
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| Posted 6/29/07 3:01 PM |
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
Posted by Tracey
If I were you and given how close you were with her - I would go, pay my respects and leave.
I honestly don't think I would bring Amber - its a hard age and I don't think she should really see her grandma in the coffin. Not sure though.
This is what I would do too.
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| Posted 6/29/07 3:28 PM |
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JennasMom
?**?
Member since 11/05 3463 total posts
Name:
does it matter
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
Posted by -DonnaMarie-
Posted by Tracey
If I were you and given how close you were with her - I would go, pay my respects and leave.
I honestly don't think I would bring Amber - its a hard age and I don't think she should really see her grandma in the coffin. Not sure though.
This is what I would do too.
I am sorry for your loss, she sounded like a great women. I agree with what the others have said about leaving Amber home
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| Posted 6/29/07 3:55 PM |
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mrswask
Pookie Love
Member since 5/05 20229 total posts
Name:
Michal
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
I would go and pay my respects, be in and out as fast as possible, but I would leave Amber home.
Good luck!
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| Posted 6/29/07 4:06 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
Posted by -DonnaMarie-
Posted by Tracey
If I were you and given how close you were with her - I would go, pay my respects and leave.
I honestly don't think I would bring Amber - its a hard age and I don't think she should really see her grandma in the coffin. Not sure though.
This is what I would do too.
Same here. I would consider bringing her to the grave site but given what my kids have said about pets & people being buried, that might be a bad idea too.
Message edited 6/29/2007 8:28:58 PM.
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| Posted 6/29/07 4:19 PM |
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rose825
Best Friends
Member since 6/05 10228 total posts
Name:
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Re: I feel so bad...STBX's grandmother passed away this morning...
Posted by -DonnaMarie-
Posted by Tracey
If I were you and given how close you were with her - I would go, pay my respects and leave.
I honestly don't think I would bring Amber - its a hard age and I don't think she should really see her grandma in the coffin. Not sure though.
This is what I would do too.
I agree with this too
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| Posted 6/29/07 8:21 PM |
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