I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Come holiday break, I am leaving my job teaching 5th grade.

I was transferred to a new school this year--it seemed like a blessing in disguise, because this school is LITERALLY 2 minutes from my doorstep, and across the street from my daughter's daycare. What a great way to get back into teaching after maternity leave, right?

I was dead wrong.

I enter the building at 7:35 am, and the students start coming to the classroom at 7:45 am. I have one 40-minute prep period during the day, but my (delusional) principal forces us to meet as a grade level EVERY SINGLE DAY. We also take our own kids out to recess, and are forced to eat with them at lunch. The 4 teachers on my grade level tried to all sit at one table to give the kids their space, but we were promptly told we needed to be "eating with our babies".

Most days, I don't get to pee the entire day...because that would require TIME.

The things that I'd be normally working on during my prep periods are not getting done, and now that I have a baby to think about, I absolutely REFUSE to stay until 5pm every night trying to catch up.

I work for a principal who will think NOTHING of publicly reprimanding a teacher for something RIDICULOUS, right in front of the students. This has happened to me twice already...and my kids actually laughed about it.

I was going to try to stick it out for the rest of the year, but a scary thing happened to me on Friday afternoon...I had a nervous breakdown. I lost it.

I've lost any and all desire to teach, and it shows. My lack of preparation shows in every single lesson I deliver...and I personally cannot deal with that. I've always been a perfectionist when it comes to my job as an educator, and to me, "good" is not good enough. I'm dealing with 23 lives here--I have to be SUPERB. And I'm not.

Every day that I enter this building, I have to mentally "numb" myself, because there's no way I am going to get accomplished what needs to get accomplished, and it eats away at me. I realized about a month ago that the only way to escape this feeling would be to adopt an "oh well" attitude. At the beginning of the year, I was able to switch this undesirable attitude on and off...switch it on in the morning, switch it off and be a happy, animated person when I got home.

Now, it's November, and I'm realizing that I can't switch it off at home anymore.

I have lost interest in playing with my daughter after school because I'm just too damned tired.

The laundry never gets done, or if it does, it sits in the dryer for a week, until the load is finally gone because we've worn everything.

The lack of concern for EVERYTHING in my life right now is just extremely scary for me. And I have decided that I simply CAN'T allow this to go on any longer.

I am going to try to apply for a Leave of Absence for the rest of the year...but since my principal is the one that would have to approve that, I'm pretty sure I will be shot down--in which case, I'm putting in my notice and basically destroying any chances of being employed by this school system in the future.

I feel badly for abandoning my kids in the middle of the year, but the way I feel right now, I am literally just a warm body in that classroom, and they would probably be better off without me. That's a scary feeling.

Thanks for listening...guess I just needed to get it out.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I've read what you have gone through and I just can't imagine how exhausting it must be.

when was your daughter born? could you take a 12 week FMLA leave? or try to stick it out until January so you can take the 12 weeks again? (I'm not sure how it works, maybe someone on here does?)

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Posted by Erica

I've read what you have gone through and I just can't imagine how exhausting it must be.

when was your daughter born? could you take a 12 week FMLA leave? or try to stick it out until January so you can take the 12 weeks again? (I'm not sure how it works, maybe someone on here does?)

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

lots of hugs for you

i hope things work out for the best. you need to be happy and do what's best for you and your family.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I really do feel for you! I once was in a miserable position myself and left in the beginning of December. Fortunately, it was a private school so it did not affect my future teaching career. But there was absolutely no way I could go on with it.

Are you in the city schools? If so, how is the union rep in your school?

I would think you should be able to grieve your principals actions but of course that would mean having to deal with your principal.

I wish I could give you better advice so that you can keep your career but I am sure things will work out for you somehow, some way! You need to do what is best for yourself and your mental health.

GL!!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I am so so sorry that you have hit this level.

I think regardless of what you decide to do you SHOULD file a grievance. This sounds completely out of contract. No prep, team meetings everyday, and being forced to spend your lunchtime with students is unacceptable and against contract.

If you're going to leave, I'd definitely file a griveance so that someone who comes after you won't have to endure what you are currently going through.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I am so sorry you have to go through this! Teaching is a field where you can impact the lives of others and really show off your creativity. It's terrible that the administration is forcing you to essentially feel numb to the job!

Right now, IMO, the most important part of your life should be your family... taking care of your daughter.. etc. You will never get that time back! If you aren't happy at work where you spend 7/8 hours of your day, you can't possibly come home and be a happy mommy! Not saying you now must be a SAHM!! But what I do mean is, I hope you can find a different teaching job where you could use your talents and not be PUT DOWN in front of your students! That's ridiculous! Teaching is a good job for women with families, you shouldn't be put through the reins of that horrible principal!

Good for you for coming to that decision! BTW... I have been tempted to FM you for the longest time since I haven't seen you posting on the teacher board in a while! I know you had to deal with some obnoxious comments in the past from people who just DO NOT understand our career, but just know you can always come on here to vent!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Im really sorry you have to go through this. I KNOW how hard it is... I just left a he ll hole I called work this year and I am 1,000 times happier. My last school was so disorganized, everything was the teachers fault and to make matters worse like you, the principal would reprimand the teacher in front of the students... Unfortunately my husband is still there and he has gotten scr ewed this year like I cant even tell you... but nevertheless he has to stick it out because financially its not an option for us. I hope you find comfort and peace, I give you a lot of credit for handling it the way you did and whatever is meant to be will be. You are a wonderful person!!!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I definitely want to give you many

YOU made the right decision for YOU your family and for your students.

I remember you saying there's no union in your county but how does leaving affect your credibility at other schools in the district, county or state? I'm hoping it isn't to the effect where you won't be able to get a teaching job next year or something for mid-year. Hopefully in the meantime you could sub elsewhere and get your foot in a better school with a principal who isnt heartless.

Good luck, and keep us posted

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Im sorry youre going through this, but im happy that you made the right choice at this time for your family

It's really discpicable that such principals exist and get away with treating their teachers that way !

I have a feeling this move, this decision, is a TRUE blessing in disguise, because down the road, when you least expect it, when youre in a happier "place", you will come across an opportunity that fits RIGHT into your life and lifestyle/schedule, etc.

It's sad because it shows that youre passionate about being a teacher , but I admire you for knowing that it's time to close that door, and when one door closes...


I wish you the best of luck.
enjoy your precious time with your little one.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Mrs. Rivera, I have followed a little bit of your teaching story, and I have to say, you are making a smart decision to save your sanity.

Can you get a doctor's note to help with leaving in the middle of the year?

You know, not to rub this in to you, but I am grateful that I have a union here in NYC. It may have its faults sometimes, but without it, what Mrs. Rivera is going through WOULD be NYC, or worse, as I can imagine Bloomberg having us be there from 7:30 am to 6:30 pm.

Because of your stories, I would never want to go teach in NC.

Good luck to you. You will survive, and it will be the best thing to do. Keep us updated.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I'm sorry for all that you went through, it sounds like a horror. Good for you for making that decision, you deserve to be happy & to have your life back! It takes a lot of courage to make a decision like that, but know that everything will work out for the best.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Your principal sounds like a piece of work.

You are doing the right thing for yourself. It's at the point where your child is now paying the price for all that you have to deal withand NOTHING is worth that! I am sorry you don't have some kind of union protection down there- as much as people gripe about them, the things you put up with would never fly here.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Thank you all SO MUCH for your support

I am so saddened over this. There have been 2 things in my life about which I have been absolutely, 100% sure: 1. I married my soulmate, and 2. I was born to be a teacher.

There's nothing worse than the feeling of questioning your choice of profession...this is ALL I've wanted to do since I was 5 years old.

I have been back and forth about this over and over again in my mind. Not having my income is definitely going to hurt us. My plan is to go work p/t for Sylvan. I worked for Sylvan in the past and it was one of the few times that I actually LOVED teaching. You go, you teach, and at the end of the day there's no prep work to bring home.

I called out sick yesterday, and again today, because the thought of going to work made me physically ill. I got sick to my stomach both days, and just couldn't bring myself to go. I KNOW I have to go back tomorrow and it's killing me.

As one of the OP said...if you're in a school where your rights are protected by a union, be thankful every single day for that privilege. It's AMAZING to me what goes on without union protection, and I was none the wiser when I moved here to accept my teaching position.

I will definitely keep you all posted. Thanks to all of you, your supportive words mean so much to me!!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Good luck. It sounds like you made the best decision for YOU and you family

Message edited 11/3/2009 1:05:19 PM.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I KNOW how you are feeling right now. I left my teaching position as the SPED

teacher in the middle of the school year. Actually I made it until the end of MARCH.

There was only three full more months left and I COULD NOT DO IT!

Things will work out for you in the end and you are doing yourself some justice by leaving!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

oh man, do i know how you feel..... but good for you. it takes a lot of courage to do what's best for you and your family. i wish i had that option right now and/or had taken it before.

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I'm so sorry you're going through this...I just left my job because I had a nervous breakdown and it was one of the absolutely hardest decisions I had to make. But I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. You had to make this decision for a reason, even though it is upsetting now. Good luck to you and enjoy your time with your daughter!

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)

I am so sorry that you have had such a bad experience coming back from your leave. Are you in the NYC school system or on LI?

Re: I have officially made one of the biggest decisions of my life. (Very long)