I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

but has anyone decided to put off, or not have another child altogether because family is your childcare and you can't really afford daycare?

We have one DS who will be 2 in December. DH is ready for another one, but we just found out his sister is expecting. She already has twins, and his parents watch all 3 during the week.

I would feel really guilty if we were to get pregnant now.

I'm in my mid-30's and we are both in professions where affording childcare is always going to be difficult. Being a SAHM is not an option.

While I am very happy with DS, I feel kind of sad at the same time that this really might be it.

Anyone have any advice?

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

dh and i have a simular situation to yours... not that we are thinking about having another baby anytime soon (ds is 2 weeks old lol) but even if we wanted to have 2 under 2, there is no way we can afford to put 2 kids in daycare

we are waiting a good 3-4 years for the next one... hopefully by then i can work part time so we wont need daycare

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I am not exactly in the same situation. Mine is that while we can afford one in daycare, two would be stretching us very thin. Without going into all of the details of my life, I will tell you that I am 38 and DS is not an only child by choice. We are trying for another, but I don't know how that will work out.

I don't have a lot of suggestions, hopefully others can help give you ideas too. Here is mine...

Your DS is almost 2. At 3 he can start (part-time) pre-school. Even now there are part time programs available. If you can swing a PT program, this is something that would free up you ILs to watch a newborn (which is enormously more expensive as far as child care is concerned.) If you have a Y nearby, they have very affordable programs. (The one near me has a 2 year old program.) If you are near Huntington, I believe there is a cooperative preschool where your time is used to defer the costs of tuition.

I DK how old your SIL's twins are. Is she planning to send them to preschool soon? That would also free up the grandparents.

GL

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I am going through the same thing. My mom is in her 60s and will be watching DD for me. DH and I would love to have 3 children all close in age but my mom wouldn't be able to handle more than one at a time so we have to wait a few years. Unless we have an oops, then oh well! what can you do

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

My mom had been minding DS while I worked, and yes, I would always have felt to guilty to have another and expect her to watch the second as well. Long story short, she was diagnosed with cancer, and we were faced with losing the family watching DS. DH changed positions at work to be home more, and I am in the office 4 days/week. My MIL watches DS 1 day a week. We could have afforded daycare, but didn't want to go that route if we could avoid it. I never wanted family to feel that watching my children was an expectation, so while it was horrible that we were forced to change our situation due to my mother's diagnosis, I feel more comfortable and less guilty that we aren't so dependent on her.

How do your ILs feel about minding 4 DC? That is a ton of work for them. Maybe SIL is planning on staying home? This is something that always confused me--did she consult your ILs before getting PG? If I was the one minding the DC, I would resent having another thrown into the mix without being consulted.

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I have. We have one in daycare and honestly we can't even think about trying for another one until DS is in full time preschool. At that point I will be close to 40. Not sure I could even have a child at that point.

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I'm almost 37 and in the same boat. It is sad, but I know that there is a 90% chance Cai will be it. I have mourned it and moved on, thankful for him. ETA We have no family who watches him - he has been in daycare since 8 wks old...

Message edited 10/17/2010 4:23:44 PM.

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

We have family as daycare and that is why we are waiting for our next...we realize that in our situation, it wouldn't be fair to ask our parents to watch another baby, even though we want another more than anything! We are going to wait until the oldest is in kindergarten, so that it is easier for our parents.

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

We put it off and then got pregnant this summer when dd was 2 years, 8 months. She'll be almost 3 1/2 when dc is born. I'm still not sure what we're going to do. I'm saving right now, hoping to be home for 6 months. I figure it'll be a tough 6 months and then she goes to kindergarten (she's a nov. b'day so will start when she's 4 1/2)

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I would like children close in age but paying for one daycare is enough for us and theres no way we could afford 2 in full time childcare so we have to wait until DS is like 4 before we can have another one

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

Yes DS is 18 months and my mom watches him full time. I feel guilty because he is a handful and always on the go. I am ready to start trying now but need to wait for DH's business to pick up first.

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

I am glad you posted this.....my DD just turned 1 in Sept. DH wanted to TTC by the time she was 2 or sooner but I live the reality world and know we can't afford it....DD goes to day care 3 days a wk, DH is off Tue and Wed (hence works weekends). There is no way we can afford 2 kids in day care even if it is 3 days a week....I don't know how people do it 5 days a week, it is a mortgage it is so expensive. We also don't have family who can watch our children...trust me, I know how hard it is....DH is more on board now realizing that DD has to be at least 3 before we can TTC....unless we win the lottery before :). I will be 34 in January....

Advice - I know me and DH never ever thought we would be able to afford a house or a child and now we are doing both...soooo sometimes what we think won't or can't happen does - but when the time is right :)

Are you a Social Worker? I am ...I see your name says it...FM if you want to talk!!

Re: I know this has been asked before......feeling sad though

Thanks ladies. Yup, I am a social worker. Most of my paycheck gets eaten up by the cost of health insurance (DH is self-employed) hence the big reason we can't afford it.