I need to vent...would you be upset?

My MIL b-day was in june. Just when we were deciding to get married early (sept), when I was in summer school and when I DH was in his crazy-long hours hospital rotations. Infact he was so tired that the same day of her b-day he used moose as shaving cream....Well he did not realize what day it was and forgot her b-day YIKES....It's November and she STILL cannot let it go. (Last year we were only dating a few months so I did not know when her birthday was this year to remind my DH. But that day he did offer to take her to dinner, and out of spite would not celebrate with us.)

Well my FIL birthday is in a few days and I knew we would not see him since my DH and I are super busy with his residency, and my student teaching and working nights. So I surprised my DH and I made a B-day cake for my FIL to bring yesturday. I thought it was nice to do.

Wouldn't you know it my MIL went on and on about how nice it was I made a cake, but she did not have a birthday....so is going to be that way for everyone's birthday?

I felt terrible and I hate that she can be that way and make us feel bad. Thanks for the vent!

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

I can't stand when people create problems like that. It was an oversight since you were so overwhelmed, there was an apology and an offer to make it right. It's her son -- accept the apology and move on.

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

The same thing happened with me this year! We didn't go anything for MIL's birthday and I still hear it to this day. IMO, birthday's are nice to be remembered, but we don't need to celebrate for adults the way we do for a 8 year old kid. People need to understand that life goes on and there are bigger problems in life than not getting a cake for your birthday!

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

That's how I felt, it was not done intentionally and she should know that...and my DH explained she needs to realize that we all have other things going on and to get over it. Maybe she was hurt all over again that he was remembered (they are divorced and do not get along that well). But we can't stop all birthdays because of it.

Mine is next month, I don't expect her to remember if my DH says nothing.

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

yeah, luckilly my DH does not completely tollerate her harshness. He knows he can't do more and can't take it back. We also know just how busy he is...I am surprised he does not forget more things.

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

My family has never been big on birthdays. We call when we remember and do not take it to heart when we forget. I feel the only people who truly need to remember MY birthday is the woman who gave birth to me and the man I sleep with.

Then again, I have never forgotten either of my parents' birthdays. BUT I do get more grief for not visiting often enough than I would for forgetting a birthday.

I think considering your circumstances, a sincere apology should have been enough for your MIL to put it behind her. A residency is very demanding.

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

How did she find out about the cake? Does the divorced husband celebrate with her (I can't imagine that since my parents do not see one another...period).

I do think it was kind of awful he forgot...We're all busy, but some things are important...But she should get over it. I think it was a little harsh to bring a cake before his bday in front of her, especially on a day with a million other desserts...Almost like saying we are making sure we remember his bday...I'm not saying I agree, but I could see how she would take it that way.

ETA: It is really, really difficult with divorced parents. I am very careful to make sure everything is equal--it's like divorced parents with kids. Giving or doing more for one is looked at like taking sides.

Message edited 11/24/2006 10:36:18 AM.

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Oh, for crying out loud, woman (MIL) let it go! It's not like it's the only birthday you ever had or ever will have. Your son wasn't sitting home all day and was too lazy to pick up the phone. He was working his azz off and, simply, forgot. It happens. Grow up!

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

Posted by Kate07

Hold the phone Harry!!! They are DIVORCED and STILL LIVE TOGETHER???

Birthdays are the least of her problems...

Re: I need to vent...would you be upset?

My mil is the same way. It is like she is 5 every year. She expects a gift from us every year but never remembers my birthday and barely remembers my dh's. This year my sil wants us to split concert tickets, $100/peice. We said no way as she gave our daughter $15 and our son $10!!! My dh and I did not even get a card for our bdays.