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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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I really need some help in dealing with something...
Message edited 11/27/2010 10:10:17 PM.
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Posted 9/11/06 5:00 PM  |
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MABLE03
I <3 SATC
Member since 6/06 4563 total posts
Name:
Fabulous
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
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| Posted 9/11/06 5:03 PM |
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-Laurie-
Hi!
Member since 5/05 2536 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
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I'm sorry
Message edited 9/13/2006 4:25:17 PM.
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| Posted 9/11/06 5:05 PM |
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beachgirl13
Mommy to 3 boys!
Member since 5/05 4114 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
I'm sooo sorry. Horrible situation, I wish I had advice. I only have
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| Posted 9/11/06 5:07 PM |
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CheeChee
HI THERE!!!!
Member since 5/05 3416 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
I am so sorry you have to go thru this. I kinda know what you are going thru although mine isnt with grandparents. My brother and SIL are the same way, they could care less about my son, never call to ask about him, or come by to see him and they live 15 min away. They have 3 kids and I was at their house every week sometimes twice a week to see their children. But now i realize how much they dont give a rats a$$ about me or my son, so basically i have written them off. Nephew and nieces as well. Its sad, but when it comes to my son, I will not stand for their behavior. I wish you luck and hugs, I know it is so much harder when its your IL's.. and it involves your DH. 
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| Posted 9/11/06 5:11 PM |
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anon
where's winter?
Member since 11/05 2209 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Message edited 2/8/2007 3:16:53 PM.
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| Posted 9/11/06 5:38 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
I think that you and your husband need to discuss, calmly, some of this situation. But when you have that discussion you need to respect the fact that these are his parents- for better or worse they are his parents. You have EVERY right to go home after a long day at work and spend the time you have with your baby and husband. I think you do need his parents to come to you on occassion and sometimes go to their house. I am sorry that you and your husband are dealing with this situation.
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| Posted 9/11/06 6:44 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
I have the same type of situation Rachel and I would be pretty ****** like you if my dh did that. I see your standpoint bc if they arent coming over then why is he bringing her there and then yet I can hear "My dh" like I am sure yours defending that they should see their grandparents every once in a while. It feels like a kick to the face I am sure. In this situation I would tell dh that before he thinks of taking the baby anywhere and "dropping" her off that he needs to discuss it with you. He already knows how you feel about his parents so why do that. Tonite i would discuss with him that if his parents want to come over while you are there to see ava thats fine but he shouldnt take her and put you in a situation where you need to go there to pick her up. (Nice and calmly ; ) )
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| Posted 9/11/06 6:53 PM |
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04bride
I'm a big sister!!!
Member since 5/05 6707 total posts
Name:
Noel
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
thatis a tough one , no advice but tons of
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| Posted 9/11/06 7:03 PM |
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nferrandi
too excited for words
Member since 10/05 18538 total posts
Name:
Nicole
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Rachel, that really suxs. You and JT really need to talk this through- whether it upsets him or not. Like you said, it's no longer just the two of you. We're talking about how to handle things for your daughter.
I do believe that Ava should see her grandparents, but the effort needs to be a two way street. JT needs to make it very clear to his parents that they must go out of their way for Ava's sake and not expect you and JT to always bring Ava to them. Not only is it not fair, but why should you have to bundle the baby up to go 15 minutes away when it's much easier for them to just come over your place?! Their grand daughter's needs MUST come before their own.
If they can't put in their equal share of effort, then I wouldn't want my DH bringing the baby to them either. 
I hope you guys can work out a solution.
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| Posted 9/11/06 7:07 PM |
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BaroqueMama
Chase is one!
Member since 5/05 27530 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Message edited 11/27/2010 10:10:37 PM.
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:04 PM |
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JoCaCoLa
Brothers For Life
Member since 5/05 1536 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
I don't have any advise to give, but hang in there.
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:06 PM |
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gregslove
LIF Adolescent
Member since 5/05 623 total posts
Name:
Susan
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
That is a horrible thing to have to deal with on TOP of going back to work...... hang in there
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:18 PM |
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05mommy09
Family of 5!
Member since 5/05 15364 total posts
Name:
<3 Mommy <3
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Rach Im sorry-
I can really offer any advice since my issue with my IL's are totally opposite-
All I can say is that I complelty understand how fustrating it is to work all day- and no matter how tired you are- how badly you just wanna hold your baby- you have to go and be with the IL"S-
I think you should explain to JT that you have no problem with him taking Ava to see his parents... but you'd appreciate it if he didnt do it when you are about to come home and spend time with her.... suggest to him doing it while you are at work...
Or going together as a family-
Or maybe having them over for dinner every 1st Tuesday of the month....
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:21 PM |
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btrflygrl
me and baby #3!
Member since 5/05 12013 total posts
Name:
Shana
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
How about asking JT how his parents behavior makes HIM feel? Let him vent about his disappointment....as a son and as a father.
How about making a decision that the both of you can stand behind regarding them seeing Ava....like, for every time they invite you over there or they come to see you, JT can take her over there on a whim. That way, when he sees they are not making an effort, he won't feel so obligated.
Has anyone called them out on this? Ask them WHY they show no emotion, no regard for their grandchildren and their own children?
I have my own IL issues, as well as with my own family and the both of us have given up. We accept it but don't agree with it and we have chosen our own family over trying to make others happy.
The only obligation you and JT have now is to Ava.
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:22 PM |
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Rach, I'm so sorry. I can understand you being upset, totally, but part of me feels so bad for JT that he has such
sh!tty parents! It's like he's so desperate to try to make them happy, but the truth is, they'll never be happy, and they'll never be parents like your are.
Hopefully, he will use his parents as an example of what NOT to be with your own children.
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for you
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| Posted 9/11/06 8:49 PM |
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PrincessP
Big sister!!!!!!!!!!
Member since 12/05 17450 total posts
Name:
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Re: I really need some help in dealing with something...
Posted by prncssrachel
Thanks, girls.
I am not saying that he should not see his parents or that Ava should not see her grandparents, but it is NOT right that we need to bring her over there all the time. And not for nothing, but we're never invited, JT just brings her by unannounced because when he tries to make plans with them, they dodge it. And, even worse, he'll call them and they just won't answer the phone. He'll call and call and call. Then, finally, one of them will answer the phone and he'll say, "Oh, hi, I've been calling and calling. Where'd you guys go?" And their response is, "We were here." They basically tell him they just didn't want to answer the phone when they see it's him calling. And I KNOW they dodge his calls because they dodge his sister's calls when we're there, too.
I can suck it up for JT's sake, and I HAVE done that for the past 6 years, but if he thinks I will ever go out of my way for them, he is delusional. I'm sorry, but that's my husband, how dare they treat him like that? I would never settle for ANYONE treating my husband that way, and I don't need them doing it to my daughter as well. My favorite is how whenever we go over there, his parents tell Ava, "We're going to take you to Disney World next year!" Obviously she has no idea what they're saying, but they do this JT's niece, too. They lie to her. They get her hopes up, then never follow through. I'm just so disgusted and nothing is going to change that right now. Thank you for letting me vent here becauseI don't want to upset JT anymore than I have.
Rachel...sassy765 (Dina) answered my posting last week re: how ****** I was at my in-laws and something she said struck me....these are their family dynamics. This is how they lived and what they know...you cant change them. My advice is to take charge of what you can at this point. For myself, I have no real relationship with his family and when I let their routine annoy me....whose getting mad...me. Not them. They dont know any other way. Dont fret! Just realize this is how they are, they will never change and accept that yes they have to see ava but when its time to go...its ba-bye! No need to out do yourself when there is no reciprocation.
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| Posted 9/11/06 9:29 PM |
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