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lbelle821
Arghhhhh
Member since 2/06 5285 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
About EI....especially when it is your own mom.
She thinks that it is my own anxieties that have caused him to be involved with the program (because I want him to be perfect).
She thinks that I should just leave him alone and let him grow.
She thinks that he is fine.
She thinks that I have no idea what a typical 2.5 year old does and he is a typical 2.5 year old.
She acts like I'm mommy dearest and torturing him. Too much expectation. Teaching him that he doesn't live up to my standards.
I refuse to have to defend myself anymore! I feel so done!
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Posted 2/3/10 7:42 PM  |
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Jackie24
~We Did it~
Member since 7/06 6718 total posts
Name:
Jackie
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
 The older generations have no clue about EI, services, etc. I think its just a sign of the times and how different things are now.
As long as you know you are doing what's best for your DC!
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| Posted 2/3/10 8:49 PM |
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
I have to deal with grandparents all the time - they are the hardest to teach, unfortunately - just nod and "agree" and just continue to do what you are doing!!!
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| Posted 2/3/10 10:29 PM |
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lvdolphins
My Loves!
Member since 5/05 46292 total posts
Name:
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
When I told my mom about Calling EI for DS, her and my gram both questioned me like "why why why"...
To them, no big deal that he was "late" with doing things. He'll "Catch up eventually".
I very nicely told them, Im going with my "mommy gut" on this and did just that. I sort of wish I did it even earlier, but, I listened to them for a little while.
When they saw the EI really was helping, everything turned positive.
I wish they were here today to see how far he's come
I always say "go with your mommy instincts".
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| Posted 2/3/10 10:57 PM |
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maybebaby
LIF Adult
Member since 11/05 6870 total posts
Name:
Maureen
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Our parents and grandparents didn't have EI services available so to them its foreign and something people jump at doing if there is the smallest inkling something is "wrong". My mom didn't understand at first why I was calling EI. She told me he was just an active boy and would catch up developmentally to his peers...
Well she quickly understood the importance as time went on and she saw more atypical things he was doing. And EI has made all the difference...everyone comments now on how good we were to do it right away...
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| Posted 2/4/10 8:21 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
My son had a severe expressive speech delay. I can't tell you how much negativity I heard from my parents and my DH for starting him at speech therapy at 18 months: how I was going to "stigmatize" or "label" him, how it's all in my head and I should get counseling, how he was "just a little behind" (18 months... no words and hardly any babbling!)
Well, 2 1/2 years and hundreds of therapy sessions later, he is almost 4 and completely caught up with his speech. Jokes around, sings songs, tells long stories, you name it. His preschool teacher (who has a special ed background, even though this is a typical local preschool) says he's one of the most verbal, communicative kids in the class, she was amazed when I shared his history.
And of course, now that he's doing so great, my parents and DH tell me how smart I was to start therapy early and how they ALWAYS KNEW there was a problem. Gotta love revisionist history.
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| Posted 2/4/10 9:54 AM |
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lbelle821
Arghhhhh
Member since 2/06 5285 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Posted by computergirl
My son had a severe expressive speech delay. I can't tell you how much negativity I heard from my parents and my DH for starting him at speech therapy at 18 months: how I was going to "stigmatize" or "label" him, how it's all in my head and I should get counseling, how he was "just a little behind" (18 months... no words and hardly any babbling!)
Well, 2 1/2 years and hundreds of therapy sessions later, he is almost 4 and completely caught up with his speech. Jokes around, sings songs, tells long stories, you name it. His preschool teacher (who has a special ed background, even though this is a typical local preschool) says he's one of the most verbal, communicative kids in the class, she was amazed when I shared his history.
And of course, now that he's doing so great, my parents and DH tell me how smart I was to start therapy early and how they ALWAYS KNEW there was a problem. Gotta love revisionist history.
Your first paragraph sounds familiar to what I"m hearing now. It's almost like a denial for them. Of course it hurst me inside that he is catergorized as special needs. But i got over that a long time ago. They do too. I don't think they even agree that he is going into an integrated preschool next year because they don't think he needs a label.
And then as far as your last paragraph, I really would love to believe that this will be my story too but I'm far too cynical when it comes to my parents. I would almost bet that rather than them telling me it was great that I was so proactive what they will actually tell me is "you see, I told you he would catch up, look how good he's doing now, he didn't need all that therapy". And totally miss the point that he got there with the help of the therapy.
And that just hurts me. And I hate that they think I'm crazy and neurotic!
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| Posted 2/4/10 10:00 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Posted by lbelle821
I would almost bet that rather than them telling me it was great that I was so proactive what they will actually tell me is "you see, I told you he would catch up, look how good he's doing now, he didn't need all that therapy". And totally miss the point that he got there with the help of the therapy.
And that just hurts me. And I hate that they think I'm crazy and neurotic!
Don't let it get to you. My parents and DH were begging ME to get on meds for my "anxiety problem" surrounding DS. My parents worried about how I was "subjecting him to all this testing", as if he was a lab rat or something. Yeah, a speech eval is sooo traumatic, sitting and playing with toys! Honestly to this day, it still hurts me to think about it.
You KNOW that your son needs extra help and you're doing the most valuable, priceless thing by getting it for him!!!
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| Posted 2/4/10 10:06 AM |
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Diane
Hope is Contagious....catch it
Member since 5/05 30683 total posts
Name:
D
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Posted by Jackie24
The older generations have no clue about EI, services, etc. I think its just a sign of the times and how different things are now.
As long as you know you are doing what's best for your DC!
EXACTLY.....it took us months to convince my inlaws that there was a problem. They said the same thing.
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| Posted 2/4/10 10:16 AM |
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lbelle821
Arghhhhh
Member since 2/06 5285 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
this kicker here is that I do have anxiety problems and am on meds for it. So she thinks that is contributing to this. Fact remains that he does have delays. He has qualified under many different categories at this point. They don't just give this stuff away.
Here is the part that just confuses me and really just makes me think that no matter what she just needs to make me feel like I'm not a good mother. She gives me such a hard time that my son was in daycare since 3 months old. That is why she thinks he is delayed. She explains to me this fantasy that they just left him sitting by himself all day and didn't take care of him. To which I responded to her that if that was the case than wouldn't all kids in daycare have the same problems???? But that doesn't change her mind.
And so now yesterday I asked her what harm did she think I was doing to him by having mulitple therapists in and out of daycare coming to see him. If she is so concerned that daycare was ignoring him that why would it be such a bad thing that he gets one on one attention for multiple hours a day. She contradicts herself.
It's not like he is getting electro-shock therapy. As far as I can see he loves it. He loves them. He wakes up sometimes and asks for them. He has fun with it.
I mean, I don't need anymore evidence for me to know that I'm doing the best thing I can for him. But when your own mother insists that I am the problem it really really hurts.
And she'll never see it. She's too stubborn to ever see it. And it doesn't matter to her that is hurts me.
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| Posted 2/4/10 10:40 AM |
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computergirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3118 total posts
Name:
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Posted by lbelle821
She gives me such a hard time that my son was in daycare since 3 months old. That is why she thinks he is delayed.
Awww that's realy uncalled for, to try to place "blame". For what it's worth, I've been a SAHM since my DS was born, so what's my excuse for the speech delay he had, lol? (Actually, some moms did try to insinuate that being home with me caused his delay, but that's a whole other story)
Incidentally, my younger DD also has been home with me, and she babbled early, already says words... not a hint of a delay with her, despite identical upbringings. It's really a problem you are born with, I firmly believe this. My DH was an extremely "late talker" according to his parents and has a learning disability... I'm sure there was a problem that could have been treated as a child but he grew up very poor and these resources weren't available to him, plus there generally was less awareness of these things back then...
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| Posted 2/4/10 10:50 AM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
My mom runs a daycare and many times told me that DS did things her typical kids do.
But last Chrismas she came to visit for 1+ week. 24/7. She then realized the difference.
I am sorry you have to go through that. It's tough enough as a parent!
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| Posted 2/4/10 2:20 PM |
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lbelle821
Arghhhhh
Member since 2/06 5285 total posts
Name:
Lisa
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
Posted by smdl
My mom runs a daycare and many times told me that DS did things her typical kids do.
But last Chrismas she came to visit for 1+ week. 24/7. She then realized the difference.
I am sorry you have to go through that. It's tough enough as a parent!
that was another part of our conversation yesterday. She said to me "how do you know what a typical 2.5 year old does? This is your first child...i had 3 children and I watched kids for years so I know".
I explained to her that I see the other kids in his daycare, I see other kids on playdates and he is a little different. But she refuted that too by telling me that I couldn't possibly know by dropping him off at daycare for a few minutes a day.
No matter what I said 
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| Posted 2/4/10 2:29 PM |
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LoveBeingMrsT
Love my Boys!
Member since 12/05 4648 total posts
Name:
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
just do what's best for you dc and don't discuss things with them if it's going to cause problems.
Message edited 2/7/2010 11:29:18 AM.
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| Posted 2/4/10 4:01 PM |
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landj
After 4 years, 1000 posts!
Member since 7/06 1124 total posts
Name:
L
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Re: I still can't understand why people are so unsupportive
I think a lot of it is generational thing as well. EI did not exist the same way when many of us were going up, and I think this is a foreign concept to many grandparents. But I also see a lot of resistance from people who don't understand what special education truly means nowadays. There is still a stigma attached to it unfortunately, and I feel like I'm constantly trying to change that stigma.
I try and understand it from both perspectives. I'm in the special education field, and I have a son with delays. DS presently gets speech, OT, PT and a sp ed teacher through EI. He did not qualify for a sp ed teacher in September '10 (when EI officially ends). It is bittersweet because I see DS needs the extra support.
Regarding families, my parents have come around, but my extended family thinks I'm crazy. I get eye rolls when I mention just the speech services, and I've been told many times that DS is a "perfectly normal boy." Yes, he is, but these services help him so much. I'm not sure where he would be without them, and I don't regret for one second having him evaluated a little over a year ago.
I don't think there's much you can do to change your family's mind. I've learned not to bring up certain things in front of family members - it's just not worth feeling hurt and angry.
Could your parents possibly come in and watch your DC during a therapy session? Maybe that would help alleviate any fears/misconceptions that they may have? Maybe also showing your parents how difficult it is to qualify for these services - having them attend the next IFSP meeting with you or speaking with one of your EI therapists or coordinator? I always remind my family of that, the strict criteria that EI uses to get a child services such as speech, etc. Good luck and I hope your family comes around .
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| Posted 2/6/10 8:53 AM |
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