I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

So..

I was cleaning Johnnys closest out...packing up his 3T stuff, and i saw an old rubbermaid container on the top shelf. I decided to start reading the papers inside.

They were from when he started early intervention. He was 16 months old...one month older than Ryan. I had tears in my eyes right away that turned into full out crying. I prob would have looked like one scary scene if anyone saw me, lol!!

For anyone who has gone through this, you can empathize. You feel a mixture of sadness, happiness for how far they've come etc...its a very very weird/overwhelming and consuming feeling. I literally had stacks and stacks of reports from the very beginning until he was 3 and its crazy.

I forgot how delayed he was. All the sensory issues. All the worry. At 20 months his expressive speech was about 9 months, his receptive around the same. Report after report shows him avoiding the instructor, flapping his hands, running in circles. Not playing appropriately, throwing toys on the floor, tantrums etc...

I read sheet after sheet. It felt awful to read. I didn't recognize the child in those papers. But it was a reminder of where he was, all those emotions that accompanied that time...and how hard we all worked as a family to help "bring out" the Johnny we knew was in there.

I seriously wish those feelings on no one. I have friends I've made through the years who have children who won't talk, or will never walk or be on their own. I don't pity them. I see the love they have for their children and I see the gifts and uniqueness that each of these children bring to this world. But i will never take for granted how things have gone for us...

I put the papers away...a part of me really wants to throw them away. But maybe someday he'll want to read them..I don't know. I thought of him at the bus stop this morning, picking up leaves that he thought were "beautiful" and handing them to me. He told me he couldn't wait to wear his woody costume and trick or treat with me...but i have to wear a costume as well

He has just started playing a game where I name a word and he tells me what letter it starts with. He is almost always right (with the exception of K for cat, lol). He talks to me constantly..asks me why I'm sad...or why I'm so happy...he plays with Ryan and they jump up and down at the front door when daddy comes home. He holds my hand while we watch tv, kisses me and tells me i'm the most prettiest and nicest mom ever...

I guess I'm way emotional today. But although this post prob seems pointless, my point is this: ENJOY your kids. Love them for who they are..for the good, the sometimes bad, the ups and downs. Know that someone out there is going through something probably harder than you are and say a prayer for them that they find the answers and that their prayers are answered.

I truly believe someone is looking out for him. For therapists from that time to have said that they "just don't know" if he'll ever talk, be independent, have friends, lead a normal life etc..they honestly could not answer my questions back then because so much was questionable...it just feels like we were blessed w/a miracle. I will NEVER take it for granted.

Thanks for reading. And always cherish the little people in your life!

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

Thank YOU for sharing this! I am getting teary eyed reading it. So wonderful how far he's come and what a blessing. I completely agree that we should all enjoy our kids no matter how they are, what they can or can't do, etc.

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

Beautiful post! And as a mom who's DD did not really talk until she was 3, I vividly remember my feelings when she was younger. Your son has come such a long way and you should be so proud!!

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

That was beautiful!!

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

Beautiful!! And soo True!!

Message edited 10/27/2010 2:46:22 PM.

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..

------------> Me

Thanks for sharing your story. It touched my heart. I am so happy for him as well as your family!!!

Re: I was in tears this morning (in a bittersweet way..) wanted to share this..