If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

DS has not been diagnosed and I don't know for sure he will be, though I suspect he may for various reasons. But then sometimes I think he's maybe just "behind"....we're seeing a developmental ped in the fall...anyway...

what are your kids like around other kids? For example, you're at a playdate, these are kids he knows, either from school or the neighborhood, his cousins, siblings, whatever. Does he engage, does he completely isolate himself, does he attempt to engage but get frustrated, does he cling to you and cry, try to run away and/or hide, or something else?

I'm so confused by DS sometimes...I have a group of local SAHM friends. We have playdates alot, he also is in a once a week preschool with the same kids. If it's just one other kid at their house, he'll usually play by himself but then slowly warm up and do a little parallel play (I should also mention he'll be 2 and a half next month and is still non verbal though he signs some, points and gestures and has just started repeating some words and sounds). But if it's more than one kid, if it's a bunch of them he'll walk in the door, or backyard lately and literally freeze and try to turn around and go back out the door, or try to climb back in the stroller (if we walked there). I coax him to stay, he'll find something he likes, sometimes he'll parallel play but usually one of the other kids will either try to take his toy (just being typical 2 yr olds) or get too in his face and he gets upset. He doesn't hide out in a corner, he'll play in the thick of them, but still keep to himself if that makes sense. But if they upset him he'll cry and get frustrated and then want to be alone. Part of me feels like he's being a typical "shy" toddler and then part of me feels it's something more.

I guess my confusion is, his ped says that just by attempting the parallel play at times means he's socializing, just at his own pace. But then why is he freezing sometimes and wanting to run away? Also, he's not like this around adults. He loves adults, even strangers but especially ones he knows well. He's so animated and social and emotionally expressive and communicative and loving....with adults.

So what are your kids like? Can you also say their ages and if they're verbal or not? Thanks....I'm just so confused...

Message edited 7/5/2011 10:02:36 PM.

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

So much of what you wrote reminds me exactly of my son Johnny at that age..i HAD to respond.

He did have a pdd-nos diagnosis at 2.5 He was reassesed a year later and the diagnosis was dropped mainly because the social stuff "fell into place" i guess you'd say.

At 2.5, johnny loved being around adults, strangers, primarily older kids but when around kids his age he played by himself or walked away from the group. I would get very upset by it. I couldn't force socialization...it was something he wanted no part of really unless it was with me, DH or cousins etc...

This was prob one of the main reasons for him getting the pdd-nos diagnosis. Paired with a speech delay and some echolalia, i just felt in my heart there was something more than just being behind developmentally. It was a nagging sense that this just wasn't completely typical.

However...I took all the good he WAS doing, put my faith into that and got him the services he needed. I knew that with time i'd know more..I saw little signs of WANTING to be social, just not sure how to do it if that makes sense. As time went on, he started playing WITH kids as opposed to next to them or away from them...it was very little things like "truck please" or "hi, i play too.."..stuff like that. We sloooowly saw the social stuff emerge and i was thrilled.

Now at almost 5 i can say he is doing wonderfully. Has friends, playdates, LOVES when we meet up at the park to play, engages in tons of make believe stuff, throwing footballs around, coloring pics together etc..very very normal 4 year old stuff. It's still awesome to me.

Just go with your instincts. The earlier, the better. If he needs help, then get whatever you can, socialize him wherever you can..even if you think he isn't interested or paying attention, you'd be surprised at how much they are absorbing..it just may take some time to emerge.

Good luck with it all. Its not a good feeling to worry about your child, i know that first hand. But you aren't alone, and focus on all the positives and work off of that...any questions feel free to FM me!

Message edited 7/5/2011 10:38:22 PM.

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

I have a DS on the spectrum and because of that, I always think it is better to err on the side of caution and get them evaluated if you suspect something is not right. However, this comment:

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

DS has PDD-NOS, but at that, I will add it is a marginal diagnosis. There is enough going on to suggest that he may have this, though he could also have social anxiety and sensory issues. It's a tough call, and everyone I have spoken with agrees the current course of therapy he has is best, whether this is PDD-NOS or anxiety/sensory related. At any rate, I'm treating this as if it is PDD-NOS and taking it seriously, and we'll see how he does over time.

That said, please take anything said here with a grain of salt. As another poster suggested, your child could be shy or have anxiety around groups. I would contact EI now to address your concerns--I believe they need to evaluate within 30 days if you request an evaluation, and if he does require services, you can start before the Fall (therapists get booked up by late summer). It sounds as if DC may qualify for speech therapy if nothing else, which may help with the social issues.

That said, DS would do parallel play with one or two children, and sometimes interacted fairly well if he knew the children well. But in groups, he had a hard time. At playdates he would wander around the house, away from the other kids. Around 2 he started resisting going to a music class, so I signed him up for tumbling, thinking he didn't like the music class. He liked tumbling, but he stayed away from the group. I recall the instructor had the kids run from one end of the gym to the other at the start, and all the other kids went in the correct direction but DS. He always ran the other way. The other kids were his peers, around his age. Then he went to daycare, and I thought if he was with the same group of kids consistently, he would get used to them. But he did not--he had trouble interacting appropriately, and tended to hit the kids (playfully) to get their attention. Or he withdrew and just wanted to sit in the corner and read books by himself. I got concerned because he never talked about playing with other kids, and his teacher was also concerned. We waited a bit, but the situation didn't improve, and I got him evaluated by the school district (he had aged out of EI).

That said, he likes being around other kids to some degree. He seems to want to play with them, he just doesn't know how to do it. By the time I had him evaluated, he had lots of sensory issues and stimming appearing, so this is another concern.

But, I do think it's a good idea to call EI now. If nothing else, it may set your mind at ease. And go prepared with examples of his behavior in social situations, and stress EI social worker poo-pooed my social concerns and I didn't really push enough, though DS did qualify for speech.

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

Thanks for your repsonses. DS does receive EI services. I contacted them when he was 15 months because he had zero words but when evaluated they said he was too young for speech but felt he could benefit from DI (we're in NJ, I believe it's called special instruction in NY). Anyway, he got DI 2x a week and OT 2x a week (sensory issues and attention span). At 24 months they said he was ready for speech. He gets speech 2x a week and they don't feel OT is necessary anymore, they are thrilled with his attention span, eye contact, communicative gestures, ie. pointing,etc. And they feel his sensory issues have disappeared as do I. He's doing great, he plays make believe with hisown toys. And has gone from literally zero words to a few in a few months.

I've brought up autism concerns to all of his therapists and while I know they're not qualified to diagnose, they all do not think i have anything to worry about. I still am of course which is why I have an appt set up for him in the fall.

But as far as the socialization, like today we had a library playgroup, its weekly. He was jumping around with the kids. Sat down next to someone and attempted to play with a playhouse alongside her, he then didn't want to share so he cried and sat alone to do a puzzle. But he tried, right? This is what has me confused.

Oh, and then there was one little girl and he repeatedly hugged her when she came close, which was often (I think she likes him ). But he didn't rebuff her, he hugged her.

I don't know, I'm so confused. I just feel like most times he's so....weird, in social situations with peers but then sometimes he's not. Combine it with the speech delay and you see where I'm at.

Message edited 7/6/2011 1:53:12 PM.

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

At 18 months, DS REFUSED to be touch or have kids come close to him. He would get upset and he would push them (push their hand) if they tried to touch him like toddlers do.

At 2.5 yo, we started a socialization class once a week. He still did his own stuff.

He is now in a preschool program since last September. He just turned 4. He still does not play with kids but he will look at kids and what they are doing at the playground. He will be close to them, wait for his turn going up the slide, etc.....

He is much more aware of other kids and will do parallel play. He does not play with them though. Just stands next to them and observes them.

I will say that school interaction/socialization has made a huge difference.

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

Thi

Re: If your DC is on the spectrum, can you please tell me what they're like around other kids?

i thought i responded to this, but i guess i didnt...

AJ is ASD... he is great around other children most of the time, as long as we are home.. he has his room to go to if it becomes too much...

if we go to a friends house (kids he has known since he was 4.5 months old, he is almost 4) he will last a good 3-4 hours. if we go on a playdate at someone house where he doesnt know the kids too well or the house is too small he lasts about 2 hours...

he is still young but most of his friends know AJ is off, and when he starts to get over stimulated they know to back off...

he started therapy at 16 months old and started school 3 days a week at 2... at 3 he went to school 5 days a week 9-3.

he does play with other kids but it did take some time.

a funny story.. we were at the park last week and this older boy (6 or 7) wanted to play ball with AJ.. he did great but then he got bored so he walked away... didnt say why, just left, the boy was standing there calling him back, but it was too late because AJ was already off in his own little world and because he didnt know the boy he didnt answer him...