IL drama games...do you play?

brief synopsis- for those of you who remember my BM from hell story, you know that DH's cousin "Jill" was a monster at my wedding and that we no longer speak to her. It's been almost 3 years now.

Well, when we had my MIL's 70th Bday party a couple of months ago, that family did not respond. We didn't invite "Jill", but we did invite her parents and brother and his wife.

No one RSVP'd, I called the father (my MIL's brother) and invited him again over the phone. He and his wife came to the party.

Now, we just got an invite in the mail. I can tell by the handwriting that it was written by Jill. She wrote it out to "Mr. and Mr. Bill Smith. The RSVP person is DH's other cousin who never replied for my MIL's party.

DH says to treat them the way they treated us- like they don't exist. And, I do agree with DH because aside from that instance, these people have always either ignored us or mistreated us.

I'm just wondering- do other people play these stupid games or is it just my IL's?

Message edited 2/27/2007 10:41:39 AM.

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

I am pre-coffee and having some trouble following this...LOL....but if you didn't invite say, my sister to something but you DID invite my parents, I'd probably feel slighted. I don't know the whole story, though.

To answer you? I love to HEAR about drama. But do I get involved? No. I mean, DH and me talk about it, but usually, I keep my mouth shut. Sometimes I'll give an opinion, but I always agree with my ILs....usually the drama involves other members of the family, not my ILs exactly.

Edit: you know? i have opened my mouth in the past and I never ever say anything rude but I'm so paranoid that I'll come home and wonder if I crossed the line...so, now I keep shut. It's not "your" family and getting involved to me isn't worth the anxiety.

Message edited 2/27/2007 10:49:17 AM.

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

sorry, I tried to make that as uncomplicated as possible.

We severed all communication with "Jill". We tried coexisting with her at other events, but she would go out of her way to approach us and make nasty comments to us. Meanwhile, her brother would be cordial to us.

My MIL hasn't spoken to Jill since our wedding because she's also pizzed.

So, we did not invite Jill to my MIL's 70th Bday party. But, we did invite her brother, who never RSVPd.

Now, we just received an invite and are supposed to RSVP to the same person who never RSVPd to us. I guess that's the crux of today's drama.

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

I would RSVP and be the bigger person. They obviously are immature and can't pick up a phone to be courteous.
To answer your question...I was involved in MANY drama games. I'm glad that I'm not now, but every now and again I can see drama rearing her ugly head. It's best to not be a part of it and just be an onlooker.

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

For the most part I steer clear and let DH decide if he wants to address it or not. The only times I got actively involved was when MIL told DH a lie about me and when she lied to me about something involving my family. And when my daughter was born and she was being incredibly negative and telling me I was doing everything wrong when DH wasn't around - after about a month of that I told them they were not welcome to stay in our home anymore. DH completely backed me up on each of those occasions.

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

Posted by kriss2c

Posted by Stefanie

I would RSVP and be the bigger person. They obviously are immature and can't pick up a phone to be courteous.
To answer your question...I was involved in MANY drama games. I'm glad that I'm not now, but every now and again I can see drama rearing her ugly head. It's best to not be a part of it and just be an onlooker.

Normally I would agree with the above, but because you are dealing with immature people who have gone out of their way to make you feel uncomfortable in the past. You never know what response your 'bigger person' attempt may trigger - I would just ignore the invitation and go on with your lives. I don't know who said it - but there is quote out there "Never have a battle of wits with an unarmed person."

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

I wouldn't go to the party, but I would RSVP and let them know you are not going. I'd either email or call at a time when you know they are not going to be home and leave a short message without any niceties. JMO - but I don't think you gain anything by not RSVPing... For me RSVPing would not be about them, it would be about me not wanting them to affect my behavior (which is generally polite).

Re: IL drama games...do you play?

Yes, but not anymore. That was years ago and we have since kissed and made up.

The other side of the family though still plays games. We don't talk to them or even involve ourselves with them at all.