I'm almost at the end of my rope

Meiko (our bullmastiff) has been acting up ALOT lately and DH has had it and I'm seriously almost there too.

I think she has severe separation anxiety issues or something, I don't know, but here's some background.

My brother moved in with us for 6 months last year. Ever since he left, she has been acting up. And by acting up, I really only mean one thing - accidents. Otherwise, she's a great dog. Thing is, my brother worked nights so he was home all day and she suddenly had company all day and now she doesn't so I guess that's why.

She used to sleep in our bedroom but she doesn't anymore (as of a few months ago) Honestly, we sleep SO MUCH better without her there so we had to do it for our own sanity. Of course, when we kicked her out of the bedroom, the acting out got worse.

So THAT added to her issues, I'm sure. Being kicked out of the den for a dog is the ultimate punishment, I suppose. But come on... you would think she would have gotten over it by now... I've done so many things to try and "make up" for it. Nothing is helping.

I can't seem to get her back on schedule (feedings and walkings - she's making it impossible on purpose, I swear), I tried new toys, new beds, more and longer walks, everything. Nothing is working.

DH has washed his hands of the whole thing and is basically leaving it up to me to get her back in shape.

I am at my wit's end, and DH was there a long time ago. He wants to put her up for adoption or give her to my BIL temporarily. Now I am a FT working mother with a toddler and a zillion and one things going on right now, I really don't have time for her sh!t right now (literally) - but I STILL don't feel that the answer is giving her up. I know it's our fault - she's not a "bad dog", we are not the best owners right now... but it's becoming a real problem between DH and I. And it's all on me now... I have to find a solution.


This can't ALL be because of my brother, the bedroom and her anxiety issues - can it be?? If it is - she needs meds. Seriously though - do you think meds would help in this situation?

I don't know if that even a realistic option as I know nothing about dogs and meds...but I've heard of it. Does anyone have any advice? She's 7 yrs old...she's no puppy anymore so I don't know if a trainer is going to help in this situation.

Thanks for letting me vent too.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Did you have her checked for urinary infection? Or any other medical condition?

I personally am not a believer in the "acting out" of dogs. I think dogs act a certain way when having pent up energy, NOT out of retaliation.

Is your dog being exercised, interacted with enough?

I would say right off the bat, your dog sounds nervous and nervous dogs do all sorts of things. Before I would resort to meds or giving the dog away, I would try getting this dog back on some kind of routine, some way to make your dog feel secure.

When the dog would sleep in your room, where would he/she sleep? On the floor? Why can't she go back there? She may want to feel more secure at night with her family members.

I truly believe your dog is very nervous. How often does your dog get to see a human all day and night? If she doesn't sleep with you and you guys work all day, maybe the dog is very very lonely. Dogs really need companionship.

What about a trainer? They don't cost too much and they may help you all to see where you things are going wrong.

Message edited 9/26/2007 1:47:59 PM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Here's an example of what she does:

Today I took her for her usual morning walk - and she absolutely REFUSED to go #2 when I absolutely KNEW she had to go. She always does in the morning when she is on schedule. She's saving it as a present for me when I get home, because, obviously, she will need to go while I am at work. I stayed with her 10 mins longer than I normally would hoping she would go, and made myself late for work. This is what why things are getting frustrating - her behavior is permeating every aspect of our lives.

So now her schedule is shot. She will have relieved herself by the time I get home. This is why I tried extra walks (where it used to be 2 I've tried doing as many as 4) to no avail.


I agree that she is a nervous dog... and very much needs companionship. We work 9-5 so she is not alone more than any other normal dog with working owners.

I'm sure she's not getting the same amount of attention as she was getting before the baby came, but she did fine at that point... the baby is 2 and NOW she starts acting up? We've been working 9-5pm as long as she's been with us. It makes no sense.


But you know what - a visit to the vet probably wouldn't hurt to rule out a UTI or anything medical... Thanks

Do you think a trainer would be able to address this issue?

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Posted by BabyAvocado

But you know what - a visit to the vet probably wouldn't hurt to rule out a UTI or anything medical... Thanks

Do you think a trainer would be able to address this issue?

Message edited 9/26/2007 2:37:43 PM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Also I would say, instead of looking at it like the dog is punishing you or spiting you for kicking her out of the bed, think of it another way...

The dog is lonely, feels rejected and is nervous, and the actions you are seeing are coming out of nervousness, not spite.

To me, that makes me tolerate my dogs annoying/bad habits better, knowing that there are reasons for this behavior, as opposed to actions the dog is doing to piss me off. And from whatever I have read up on dogs, they don't do bad things out of spite, but more so out of nervous pent up energy (such as pooping, peeing, ripping things, destroying things etc).

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Message edited 9/26/2007 3:35:54 PM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Posted by BabyAvocado

That's the interesting part. This is technically his dog. He got her when we were only dating a year or so, way before I moved in after the wedding. Of course, I have been in her life since day one. I don't think DH could really bring himself to give her away even though he says it. And I know that if he did, he would regret it. I know he loves this dog. Another reason I'm trying to not let it come to that.

Now that I think about it... some of the reasons why we kicked her out of the bedroom in the first place could be medically related...

This is gross but one of the reasons she was keeping us up at night was because she was constantly, excessively, and noisily licking her uh, self. But of course research on that only leads back to anxiety again... but still worth ruling out medical...

I know I shouldn't see it as spite but it's so hard not to when you know she knows better. She would never, ever, ever do it if we were home. She was an exceptionally well trained dog and still is in every other area.

$50 a visit for a dog that probably needs several visits is kind of steep but probably still cheaper than meds so I'll look into it, but at that price, it may not be an option.

ETA: Thanks for all the input Goobster

Message edited 9/26/2007 5:05:50 PM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

She didn't used to sleep in our bed (she slept on the floor in our bedroom), and I would never allow that - if my 2 yr old can't sleep with us because he has to learn limits and independence, neither can she. Besides, she's a 90lb dog... that's like literally having a third person in the bed.

I let her back into the "den" last night (and was woken up three times during the night because of her) so we'll see how she does today...

But I don't think I should have to sacrifice the quality of my sleep to have my dog behave though...

There has to be a happy medium somewhere...

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Posted by BabyAvocado

She didn't used to sleep in our bed (she slept on the floor in our bedroom), and I would never allow that - if my 2 yr old can't sleep with us because he has to learn limits and independence, neither can she. Besides, she's a 90lb dog... that's like literally having a third person in the bed.

I let her back into the "den" last night (and was woken up three times during the night because of her) so we'll see how she does today...

But I don't think I should have to sacrifice the quality of my sleep to have my dog behave though...

There has to be a happy medium somewhere...

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Ok so here's the experiment that took place over the past two days.

She is normally confined to the downstairs (which is huge). I decided on Wednesday to give her free roam of the house, minus bedroom & bathroom access.

When I got home Wednesday night, the kitchen was trashed, but no accident downstairs. She ate an entire loaf of bread that she found on the counter and there was mail and papers, and napkins and ANYTHING she could find all over the floor.

DH sees it and flips out.

Ok, my fault, I left food within reach. That's the first night I let her back into the bedroom.

Since that seemed to work, I tried it again yesterday.

Ah well... I got home yesterday and she had trashed the kitchen again. Ransacked everything within reach, and somehow got to the far, far back part of the counter where I hid a NEW loaf of bread and devoured a full, plastic sealed, brand new loaf of bread and a bag of rolls.

She tipped over the small garbage cans in our office. But that was really no big deal because there was nothing in there beside a couple of pieces of crumpled up papers. But she was obviously scavenging. Again, behavior I have not seen since she was a puppy.

I rush to clean it all up before DH sees it and flips out. I don't finish in time, DH sees it and flips out, argument over the dog ensues for day two of the experiment.

BUT.....hey, no accident. But I suppose the bread could have bound her up

Sigh.

She slept in the bedroom again last night and I woke up with my sinuses irritated. She was left free roam of the house again today and I cleared anything resembling food off the counters.

If she starts chewing, I swear, she's done.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

so sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I have 1 question though, maybe I missed it, but why does she have free reing of the whole house? our doggie sleeps in our bed roon and during the day when we go to work he has the den and and the hall way, i fence off access to the living room and dininv room. maybe she needs to be confined. and i also leave sammy his food and water bowl. good luck

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Have you taken her to the vet yet? Make an appt immediately, she could have an infection, something is causing this behavior, and while your sleep shouldn't suffer-neither should her health.

What kind of food are you feeding her? Have you changed it recently, anything like that??

Free roam of the house is fine, but you might want to close doors to rooms she wouldn't need to be in, like the office, laundry room, and bathroom, the kids bedrooms.

Do you leave her treats and toys when she's alone during the day? Do you leave a radio or tv on for her so she has some noise?

My dog has super anxiety, and he's a 115 pound gigantic lab. He's all muscle, he's really tall, and long, and he sleeps in bed with us...we adapted by buying a king size.

When I leave him , I leave a bowl of food, water, some biscuits, toys and either a marrow filled with cheese, or a kong filled with dog food, and then peanut butter on the end to hold the dog food in until he opens it up. It kept him busy/entertained. I make the kong with peanut butter before I get in the shower, and put it in the freezer, so it takes longer to get to the food.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Posted by mirla122

so sorry to hear you are having a hard time. I have 1 question though, maybe I missed it, but why does she have free reing of the whole house? our doggie sleeps in our bed roon and during the day when we go to work he has the den and and the hall way, i fence off access to the living room and dininv room. maybe she needs to be confined. and i also leave sammy his food and water bowl. good luck

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

The appointment to the vet has been made so we'll see... Nope, no food changes...

All the doors were closed except the office because I know she likes to lay under DHs desk in there. I figured it was a comfort thing for her.

When we leave she has everything - toys, bones, a bed, etc. Kongs w/PB, TV on - been there, done that.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

The determination in getting the bread is what is really the issue. It shows that it was out of anxiety (or maybe boredom?). She is typically not a food snatcher. I could very easily leave food out in front of her and leave the room and she would not take it (until I was gone for a very extended period time of course).

Even if my brother had been feeding her (but I don't think he was) he moved out in March, her metabolism would have gotten used to being without that food by now.

The day that I stayed with her the extra 10 mins and she didn't go was also the same day I gave her free roam of the house for the first time in ages. I figured having free roam would distract her from anxiety accidents. It seemed to work because she did hold it until I got home.

There have been no more "accidents" the past two days... just the kitchen ransacking. So I guess it's an improvement.

It amazes me really... because it just goes to show that she has not "forgotten" her training. It's not that she can't hold it, and she knows she's supposed to hold it. Her bag of food sits on the downstairs counter daily in a MUCH more reachable position than that bread was and she has never, EVER tried to go for it.

Guys I have to say thank you because honestly just talking it out with you all is helping.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Ok wow.

So this goes to show you, she is probably VERY bored and nervous.

So the days when nervous, pooping in the house. Days when having more room to roam, bored but tearing things up.

Seriously, I think you guys need to run with her or try to get her some MORE exercise to let out her nervousness.

Here is what I would do

1) EXERCISE her alot more than you used to (not just walks)
2) Sleep in your bedroom
3) During the day, limit her to whatever you used to do (don't change too many things at once so you can rule this or that out).

This really sounds like a nervous doggie, whose life (doggie life that is) changed too much and is nervous and lonely and BORED.

Probably got very used to the company of your brother and now is so bored and lonely she doesn't know what to with herself. Definitely sounds like she reverted back to puppyhood, and that means less freedom, not more when alone.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

I agree with Goobster on her last post...but maybe you should try crating her. If you haven't used a crate before, try getting one and leaving stuff in it she likes (bones, toys, etc.) and let her go in and out while you are home.
Then you could put her in for short periods of time and see how she does.

If she is crated while you are gone, it's a much safer situation for both the dog and you.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Eh... it seems that confinement to downstairs might be the issue now...

Yesterday we stepped out for just over an hour and she had an accident - even though she's been back in our room at night. And she had been walked just minutes prior to leaving. Because she was downstairs. Since she did that - she was back out of the bedroom again last night.

But she was good overnight because I kept her upstairs - just not in our bedroom.

Maybe she doesn't like being alone down there now that my brother is gone...

She's exercised enough, and walked enough because this problem never existed before ... if she's not, then that's a major problem because I can't possibly devote any more time to that.

Seriously, there is a point when the problem is HER not US anymore.

It seems that we just have to find the right combination of sleeping arrangements and daytime confinement that make her happy. I can see how her needs may have changed in that area.

Overall things have gotten better this week. We just have to keep trying until we find what works.

Thanks everyone for your input.


ETA: Gertyrae - crating is definitely an option we are considering, but we are hoping it doesn't have to get to that point. Thanks

Message edited 9/30/2007 10:03:37 AM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Message edited 9/30/2007 10:52:28 PM.

Re: I'm almost at the end of my rope

Regarding your pup:
I have a 2 year old Jack Russell, who was 9 months and abused (beaten constantly in a crate because he soiled in the house) when I rescued him--- he basically spent 9 months in a crate because when he was let out, he soiled the house and chewed everything in sight.
I threw out the crate and confined him in the kitchen with a gate for a month- when I was home, he was put out EVERY hour, and a big deal was made when he pooped and peed outside- ie, "good dog, pee pee, good dog potty-" I sounded like I was nuts because I made such a big deal out of it but it worked-- now he poos and pees on command! To this day, I still do it-- I don't do food rewards, just praise- within 3 weeks this incorrigible jack russell (which according to the Jack Russell website is supposed to be the hardest breed to housebreak) was housebroken, and now has the run of the house when I am gone, with no crating.
Now, when I LEAVE the house I say NOTHING to the dog for at least 20 minutes pre-departure- when I arrive home, I do not greet him- first thing I do is put him in a sit and do not allow him to jump on me, and he goes immediately outside to do his business. When he comes in, I ignore him for at least 5 minutes- then I talk to him calmly and he goes on the bed and waits until we have time to play. I do not make a big thing of my arrival at home- like I said, the first thing I say when I enter is "sit" and he goes right outside- I don't do the "did you miss mommy" thing and get him all excited!
I have never had a problem with him chewing anything or destroying anything when I am not home- and he learned all this within 3 weeks of leaving his other home where he chewed everything in sight and pooped and peed all over-
Exercise is very very important- have you tried taking your pup for a very long walk with a fairly heavy backpack on? I know this all sounds very "Cesar Millan" but I do agree with some of his techniques-- and I am telling you, if it can work for a Jack Russell, it can work for any pup!