I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I'm just so frustrated with him. When we first had DS he was extremely helpful and actually "wanted" to spend time with us. In fact, he loved having a baby so much that he wanted me to have another one right away. But now it's like he has no time for either of us. I've been off with the baby all summer (since early June) and as much as I love my son, I look forward to spending time with DH on the weekends. I also look forward to having some help, since I do it all by myself during the week. Well DH has been a real slacker recently. He keeps going off to play golf with his friends, which is an all day event, and then the other weekend day he just wants to stay home and relax. Well you know what, I'm home all week, I'd like to do something as a family on the weekends.
And when I complain, DH tells me that I chose my profession so that I could be home most of the time and I should just deal, "this is the life you chose." I feel like I'm underappreciated and underloved.
I know in every relationship there's always one person who loves the other more. Well I've decided after 12 years that it really suxs to be the one who loves more. I'm just really upset about all of this and a part of me is really feeling like I'd rather be doing all of this on my own, and knowing that I'm on my own, then be doing it with someone I can't depend on.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I wish I had some advice, but I am the last one right now to give marital advice

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

thats rough hope things get better!

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Message edited 8/20/2007 4:54:31 PM.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

wow, I'm so sorry that you feel this way. I always think"it must be nice to be able to lie around or go on the computer or just walk away and go downstairs and watch a movie"....

My DH works alot but sometimes I feel like he'd rather work than be home. And he acts like I haven't been working. When is my time to relax and sit down. If I EVER do - I feel guilty and believe me I can count on one hand the times. This weekend I cleaned the house, did food shopping, loads of laundry and entertained my 18 month old. As well as I am 13 weeks preggers too. Well, he worked all day Sat and a couple of hours on Sun but he acts like I'm home lolly gagging around.....

How about give the kid a bath or make dinner for me.

I work all week long and have a long commute to and from work so where is my time to relax. I hear you. And, just because you are home doesn't mean you are sitting around sleeping all day - you are busy.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Yikes!
I know you have always struggled with him being out with the guys and leaving you home.
Would it be more effective if you wrote down your feelings and gave it to him in a letter?
I think he NEEDS to understand where you are coming from and he's not.

p.s. Has he been left "alone" much with DS on his own so he knows what it is like?

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I am sure you already spoke to DH but you should try talking to him again!!

I dont always feel like DH helps out as much as he should sometimes I have to go off on him othertimes I just figure if I want it done I need to do it myself. We were away all weekend upstate at my parents house w/ my family and I felt like me and DS didnt spend anytime with DH. But that was his choice he was off doing stuff with my dad, too boot DH has been working late for the past couple of weeks. Sometimes he dosent even see DS. I feel like a single mom!
As fustrating as it may seem I think sometimes we all go through it

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Message edited 11/24/2007 10:05:16 PM.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I dont know what to say excpet I am sorry you feel this way...........................

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Sorry you are feeling this way. I can relate. DH is wonderful with our son, so I feel bad complaining, but sometimes I really want to spend an entire day as a family. Summer is a really busy time for DH, so I try to be understanding. He has done a lot with us, but I feel like you do-I am the one taking him to the beach all the time, the pool, wherever else we go. Today, DH is off, the only day all week. So he was with us for most of the day. Where is he now? Surfing I understand where you are coming from. I don't think it's that you love him more. Men are just different.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Hope things get better really soon

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I understand that frustration... I am sorry you are going thru this....

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

We go through this every few weeks. With DH its biking and kayaking. I am not looking forward to ski season at all. I spent a lot of time home solo with baby last winter.

The second that I decide to do something fun just me and the baby...magically leo has the day off and can come along.

It is terrible, but it was such a good feeling vacationing with my father last week. My dad was a huge help and we went to a river and saw the redwood trees...while Leo was out wake boarding. I LOVED it when he came home that night and I told him what a great day we had. he felt so left out and wanted to see the trees....I told him its too late, we don't have the time....guess it will be years before you see the trees. Mean, but I went to bed smiling.

I have no advice. But I do know that you are a very fun person, great mom, and a hot wife. For whatever reason if you feel less loved, I am sorry for that...but I don't believe it to be true.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

This is not my issue with my Dh, though trust me, we have our own unique set of problems, as does any couple, but I wanted to say, I agree with the OP - you need to give him a little dose of reality and a wake up call - start making your own plans, even if it's just a mani/pedi, hanging out with friends, and dont just drop your plans the second he says "hang out with me". Just as he makes it a priority to do things for HIMSELF, so should you. Don't let guilt prevent you from doing that.

It doesn't work that way - it's mutual respect. If he isn't going to give you the respect you deserve, then at the very least, give it to yourself by carving out time to do things that will make YOU happy. And don't ask him, just as he doesn't ask you - call him, or email him, and say, "Saturday night I am going out with my friends, so you'll have to take care of the baby".

Knock some sense into that boy and make him realize all that he has to lose.

Message edited 8/20/2007 4:08:26 PM.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I think almost every family goes through this when it's a first time baby. My DH was into stuff too and then all the sudden summertime hit and he has projects to do.
Yesterday he went fishing all day with his friends, I went shopping with my parents and DS. My DH comes home and takes a shower and I tell him I need to run and do a few things and he wants time to relax because HE WENT FISHING ALL DAY AND WAS TIRED!!!! Needless to say I left and I told him to start feeding John around a certain time. I come home and they are hanging out on the bed together playing. He said he forgot and put him in the high chair, sat there and I said he had to get his dinner out. Well, he was really out of it and took a nap so I fed John. Then 20 minutes later I went into our bedroom, turned on the light and told my DH he had clean him up and put his PJ's on. Then I had to go start dinner!!!! So where is my time alone?? Never happens. Even when he is away working, he has time alone, I never do. It will never be any different ofr us Mothers because we are teh Mother's.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Maybe you could try counseling together to get someone else's perspective on the situation which may open your DH's eyes a bit.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

I'm really sorry you are going through this and I agree with Katie. He NEEDS to understand how you are feeling. Have you sat down with him and explained it to him?

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Posted by pmpkn087



I'm really sorry you are going through this and I agree with Katie. He NEEDS to understand how you are feeling. Have you sat down with him and explained it to him?

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Have you considered counseling? The fact that he is minimizing the importance of your feelings is not making things any better.

I don't have any advice, except I think you really should go to counseling since it doesn't seem like he is listening any other way.

Re: I'm at the end of my rope with DH

Ive pretty much have had similar issue with my dh from day 1 ( meeting of Dh) he is very attached to his brother and his best friends. he needs to do sporting things at least once a week if not more. he talks to his brother just as much as he talks to me during the day- they phone each other all the time.... When Ds was a baby it $ucked, I fet like a single mom. I would make plans without him all the time. WE would fight almost daily about him going out. It was getting ridiculous. I even went as far as going to a therapist and telling her about what was going on. she had my Dh come in and she told him that it was not acceptlable to being hanging out with Bil that much and that he needed to spend more time at hom. SAdly that did not work. It was MONTHS later he told me out of the BLue that he knew that being out all the time was not cool and he said basically what changed his mind was a bunch of things but it had to do alot with Bryan. Bryan was getting older, talking and aksing for DAddy all the time- he was growing quite attached to his DADDy and DH didnt want to miss anything... SO after 10 years of b!tching all the time finally he has been home more than ever and only hangs out with his brother 1-2 per week- rather than everday.