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dgirl
LIF Adult
Member since 5/07 1079 total posts
Name:
Danielle
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
It's the same way in DH's family. The children and their spouses each get the same amount of money for Christmas.
So before we were married it would only be DH that got a check, and now that we are, I get one too.
My BIL is single and he gets a check but his GF doesn't.
Everyone gets wrapped gifts so it's not like the GF's are just sitting there. But it's just the way they do things. It's always been that way.
I don't see anything wrong with it! Now if I was getting one when we weren't married and BIL's GF did not, I could see them getting upset or feeling slighted.
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Posted 6/18/08 10:54 AM  |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Thanks everyone for your opinions!!! 
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| Posted 6/18/08 2:35 PM |
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
I can see This stupid crap happening in my family. Its so stressful. There is a lot of sniffing around the money with no regard for the person. Someone once told me I better get a hold of my dads will because when he dies people will want his money. This disgusting person wasn't even aware that she so callously spoke abt my dad dying! Disgusting. Why are people like This about money???
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| Posted 6/18/08 3:33 PM |
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CkGm
They get so big, so fast :(
Member since 5/05 13848 total posts
Name:
Christine
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
This is a gift from your grandfather, pure and simple. If your Uncle doesn't like that, well too bad. What a selfish jerk! 
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| Posted 6/18/08 3:37 PM |
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2BEANS
wow time is going fast.
Member since 9/07 16106 total posts
Name:
Tina
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
did you all get married at 18.. if not then tell your uncle.. once she reaches the age that all of you got married and shes still single then she can have double.. (have your fingers crossed when you say it).
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| Posted 6/18/08 3:51 PM |
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smdl
I love Gary too..on a plate!
Member since 5/06 32461 total posts
Name:
me
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
It reminds me of my aunt (mom's sister). She had 1 child. We were 4 children with my siblings. She thought her daughter (my cousin) should have the same amount of what all of us were getting.
So if we got $200 each, her daughter should get $800.  A lot more than each of us would be getting. My grandmother said no. Still $200 per child.
Your cousin is free to marry to get double the money. 
BTW, my aunt and cousin lived very far from us too and would only come to make the rounds to collect money for Holidays, birthday, etc... My aunt would always "forget" OUR birthdays but would complain if my mom forgot her poor little girl.  We saw my grandparents all the time. We still got the same amount as my cousin so I never understood why she complained.
Oh yes, I know.... greed!!!!
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| Posted 6/18/08 4:32 PM |
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juanvi
Get Out!
Member since 10/06 4463 total posts
Name:
Christina
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Why do they know what you get? They need to get over it.
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| Posted 6/18/08 5:40 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
I think it is sad when families fight over money like this.
I guess there is always someone who is going to think they are not getting what they "rightfully" deserve.
This kind of thing rips families apart. Because all they care about is what they aren't getting.
I think things should just continue as is. I think whoever is dispersing the money in the manner of your grandfathers wishes. THen just do it. And if people are going to be angry, wll that is the issue that they have to deal with.
i mean...arguing over 1000 is just the saddest thing IMO. 
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:03 PM |
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jules
Changing everyday
Member since 1/08 2281 total posts
Name:
julia
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
IMO if you don't want a world of hurt later your grandfather should really put something in writing about his wishes as to how is money is going to be dispersed.
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:05 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by juanvi
Why do they know what you get? They need to get over it.
My father tells his siblings what he is giving out before he distributes it because he wants to keep them in the loop.
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:05 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by jules
IMO if you don't want a world of hurt later your grandfather should really put something in writing about his wishes as to how is money is going to be dispersed.
Well, it's already known that it will be split 1/3 once he passes. My uncle believes that this extra chunk of money that my aunts kids gets - is taking away from his inheritence.
Message edited 6/18/2008 6:07:03 PM.
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:06 PM |
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babydreams
YUMMM
Member since 5/06 1687 total posts
Name:
Me
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Someone needs to explain to your uncle that fair does not mean equal!
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| Posted 6/18/08 6:20 PM |
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twicethefun
Loving life
Member since 7/06 4088 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by Eireann
I can see where you're coming from with this "uninvolved" cousin. I think it's ridiculous that her dad said anything, especially since is daughter doesn't seem to care. If I were him, I would have shut my mouth--she's lucky to get anything.
However...I do think it's odd (IMHO) that a married couple would receive twice the amount. After all, isn't your money your DH's and vice versa? What if one of the cousins never got married? Or what if they got divorced? Is it back down to the "single amount?" It just seems a bit unfair. I am thinking back to my single days when I was buying shower gifts, engagement gifts, wedding gifts and thinking..."Wow, single people really get the shaft!!!"
I agree.
Honestly, I think she should get double at this point....or you should get half. But if she doesn't deserve it cause of her behavior than that is different
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| Posted 6/18/08 7:33 PM |
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KateDevine
*
Member since 6/06 24950 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by mimih
Posted by Eireann
I can see where you're coming from with this "uninvolved" cousin. I think it's ridiculous that her dad said anything, especially since is daughter doesn't seem to care. If I were him, I would have shut my mouth--she's lucky to get anything.
However...I do think it's odd (IMHO) that a married couple would receive twice the amount. After all, isn't your money your DH's and vice versa? What if one of the cousins never got married? Or what if they got divorced? Is it back down to the "single amount?" It just seems a bit unfair. I am thinking back to my single days when I was buying shower gifts, engagement gifts, wedding gifts and thinking..."Wow, single people really get the shaft!!!"
I agree.
Honestly, I think she should get double at this point....or you should get half. But if she doesn't deserve it cause of her behavior than that is different
I agree too...
Diana, when my grandmother died and my mom and uncle sold her condo, they gave the FIVE grandkids $14k. Michele, Debra, me, Caroline and Billy. Michele and I are married and we did not get more. Of course I shared my money with my husband, but at the same time we didn't get more b/c we are married. At the time, my cousin Michele had 2 kids and my mom suggested giving them something and my uncle (his grandkids) nixed the idea. This was for US only.
I guess it is your grandfather's perogative (sp?) that he wants to give double to the married grandkids, but I can understand where that would cause issues.
I think staying out of it is the best idea, it is amazing that your grandfather is so generous, and it is a shame people are upset about it.
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| Posted 6/18/08 9:16 PM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by KateDevine
Posted by mimih
Posted by Eireann
I can see where you're coming from with this "uninvolved" cousin. I think it's ridiculous that her dad said anything, especially since is daughter doesn't seem to care. If I were him, I would have shut my mouth--she's lucky to get anything.
However...I do think it's odd (IMHO) that a married couple would receive twice the amount. After all, isn't your money your DH's and vice versa? What if one of the cousins never got married? Or what if they got divorced? Is it back down to the "single amount?" It just seems a bit unfair. I am thinking back to my single days when I was buying shower gifts, engagement gifts, wedding gifts and thinking..."Wow, single people really get the shaft!!!"
I agree.
Honestly, I think she should get double at this point....or you should get half. But if she doesn't deserve it cause of her behavior than that is different
I agree too...
Diana, when my grandmother died and my mom and uncle sold her condo, they gave the FIVE grandkids $14k. Michele, Debra, me, Caroline and Billy. Michele and I are married and we did not get more. Of course I shared my money with my husband, but at the same time we didn't get more b/c we are married. At the time, my cousin Michele had 2 kids and my mom suggested giving them something and my uncle (his grandkids) nixed the idea. This was for US only.
I guess it is your grandfather's perogative (sp?) that he wants to give double to the married grandkids, but I can understand where that would cause issues.
I think staying out of it is the best idea, it is amazing that your grandfather is so generous, and it is a shame people are upset about it.
I understand exactly what you are saying - but you are also talking about a big chunk of change. Here - we are talking a measley 500 bucks. And, it always was this way. We all got seperate cards for Christmas with the money in it.
my cousins have been married wayyyy longer than I have - my father in no way feels that they got more of his inheritance than we did. And, I in no way ever thought that I should get double since they were getting more per couple.
I just think it is so petty when you are talking about 500-1000 dollars.
And - again - not that you need to earn your keep - but the fact that she doesn't acknowledge my grandfather - didn't acknowledge my grandmother when we all knew that she was dying - it just says alot about her. I can't totally blame her though because since they moved so far from us my aunt and uncle never really instilled our family values in her. She is a complete stranger when she comes to visit.
It's just sad that a good thing has to turn nasty.
Message edited 6/18/2008 9:25:06 PM.
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| Posted 6/18/08 9:23 PM |
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nrthshgrl
It goes fast. Pay attention.
Member since 7/05 57538 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Unfortunately it doesn't sound like it's going to get better.
The important thing is for your grandfather to make his wishes known before this causes a schism in your family. I would hate for someone to think your father was taking advantage & it sounds like your uncle may think he is as he is in charge of the money.
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| Posted 6/18/08 10:32 PM |
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michele31
LIF Adult
Member since 5/05 3372 total posts
Name:
Michele
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
I could see if your cousin was 35 and unmarried but at 18 everyone is being very fair. You are not getting a double gift at all...your spouses are getting a single gift as are you.
The whole thing is stupid. Fighting over the this instead of being glad that your grandfather is able to give anything at all and that he is alive to enjoy his family.
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| Posted 6/18/08 11:28 PM |
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Goldi0218
My miracles!
Member since 12/05 23902 total posts
Name:
Leslie
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
I have married and unmarried siblings. Before both of my parents passed away, each sibling and their spouse received the same amounts of cash for holiday gifts. If I got $200, DH did too as well as my single sister. Nobody evr fought about it.
Guess what? With each adult in a household, it costs more to run. My bills would be half what they are now if I were single, so why should I be entitled to double the gifts if I were?
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| Posted 6/18/08 11:41 PM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
I just made my mother switch her financial planner to the one I use, so I now know all her secrets.
I have convinced her to form a trust so that everything gets divided equally among her children - she has 6 of them.
No spouses are accounted for, nor are grandchildren (9 of them). Each child should decide what to do with his or her inheritance, IMO.
Your grandfather needs to put his wishes in writing and if he has $$, should look into a trust as they cannot be probated.
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| Posted 6/18/08 11:45 PM |
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by mimih
Posted by Eireann
I can see where you're coming from with this "uninvolved" cousin. I think it's ridiculous that her dad said anything, especially since is daughter doesn't seem to care. If I were him, I would have shut my mouth--she's lucky to get anything.
However...I do think it's odd (IMHO) that a married couple would receive twice the amount. After all, isn't your money your DH's and vice versa? What if one of the cousins never got married? Or what if they got divorced? Is it back down to the "single amount?" It just seems a bit unfair. I am thinking back to my single days when I was buying shower gifts, engagement gifts, wedding gifts and thinking..."Wow, single people really get the shaft!!!"
I agree.
Honestly, I think she should get double at this point....or you should get half. But if she doesn't deserve it cause of her behavior than that is different
I'm sorry but I disagree....Why should the spouses not recieve the same amount for christmas as their christmas gift or birthday?
Edited
Message edited 6/19/2008 8:10:53 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 7:07 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Your father is doing the right thing. Your uncle and cousin are just being selfish and greedy.
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| Posted 6/19/08 7:24 AM |
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Mommy2Boys
My Boys!!!!
Member since 6/06 14437 total posts
Name:
C
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
No spouses are accounted for, nor are grandchildren (9 of them). Each child should decide what to do with his or her inheritance, IMO.
I got the impression we are talking about gifts not giving away money in a trust. For Christmas if I get $50 from my grandparents, DH also gets $50. He is considered a part of our family and like a grandson to them. Just the way it is in my family.
If we are talking about a will or trust, I agree the spouses should not be accounted for. In my grandmother's (my mom's mom) case, her $$$ is going to only her 4 children. In my grandfather's case, he has put money into trusts for all of his grandchildren, now my DS (his 1st great grandchild) and his 3 kids split the rest.
ETA: Want to talk about greed. When I got married my grandmother wanted to pay for my wedding dress as her gift for me. When my aunt found out she asked my grandmother to pay for the bridesmaids dresses for my 2 cousins b/c she felt her 2 girls were getting shafted.
Message edited 6/19/2008 7:33:13 AM.
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| Posted 6/19/08 7:28 AM |
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Diana1215
Living on a prayer!!!
Member since 10/05 29450 total posts
Name:
Diana
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
His trust is completely handled and taken care of fairly. This has more to do with the random gifts we receive two - three times a year.
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| Posted 6/19/08 7:51 AM |
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karacg
Babygirl is 4!
Member since 5/05 17076 total posts
Name:
Kara®
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Posted by Diana1215
His trust is completely handled and taken care of fairly. This has more to do with the random gifts we receive two - three times a year.
In that case, it is his deciision to do as he likes. You cousin and her father are being petty and besides should not even know what anyone else is getting IMO.
I never know what my mother gives to the rest of the family when she gives us $$, just what she gives us, and it's nobody else's business.
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:42 AM |
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Theresa05
Sofialiciciousssssssssssss
Member since 10/06 4891 total posts
Name:
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Re: I'm curious to get your opinions on something - warning - LONG
Money is the root of all evil and family dividing! So so sad..
Hugs D
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| Posted 6/19/08 9:43 AM |
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