Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by avamamma

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

I would absolutely get her evaluated.

DD is 4 1/2, and only eats a few foods, milk and water.

She was a great eater until about 2, and then she stopped eating. There were days at a time when she would only eat yogurt.

I feel your pain. I have begged, pleaded, cried and yelled. I have been to every Doctor imaginable. I have even had friends and family tell me to just put the food in front of her and let her starve- when she is hungry enough- then she will eat. Yeahhh right- they have no idea!!!!

After 2 1/2 years of this, I don't even want to step foot in my kitchen.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Has she ever had acid reflux? My cousin's son had it from when he was very young and it affected his eating until he was a few years old. IT was very hard for her - he wouldn't eat almost any foods except a certain few. He would gag and cry all the time. I can get the name of the person that she saw. I also just recommended a doctor on here to someone else who's son has feeding issues. She's in NYC and I can give you her name if your'e interested. I'm not sure if she can help, but you might want to give her a call to see. My friends swears by this woman.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I tried to reply to some things individually, but I also wanted to just say a BIG THANK YOU to all of you who took the time to read my novel , much less respond...it really truly does mean a lot

I swear, I thought we were on such a good path 2 weeks ago-- she was starting to eat more, and I was ok with still supplementing with jar fruits/veggies b/c I wanted her to get the nutrition, and as long as we were progressing onto new foods every few days, I was ok with that, hoping that she's take a liking to fresh fruits/veggies soon after that.

I'm not sure why she did a turnaround again, and it's just so defeating.

This is what she actually enjoys eating as of today:
Pancakes (but don't dare try to sneak bananas or blueberries into the batter, she will not even touch them )
Sometimes some frozen waffles
Yogurt (but only PLAIN)
Scrambled egg with cheese
Mac & cheese (would eat for every meal if she could, but again, don't dare sneak any veggies in there b/c she will refuse it)
Sometimes a piece of pizza (crust only)
Plain bread
Cheerios/goldfish/Triscut-type crackers

That's about it. We tried chicken and beef last night, she wanted no part of either The girl seems to like foods with absolutely NO flavor, even if it's sweet.

The jars are definitely security blankets for both DD AND I. I love that she eats such a variety of fruits/veggies every day and is getting the excellent nutrition from that and know that she won't eat nearly that well when not eating jarred stuff. I know I do need to try it, but I truly don't think she'll ever give in and come to tell me that she's hungry if I let her get down from the chair without eating-- she is THAT stubborn!!! I hope I'm wrong though.

I need to do some major thinking, planning, and maybe even calling around to see if there's anyone who could help us.

Thank you again everyone, I really appreciate ALL of your comments & advice

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

my son was very similar. ate baby food, but not much in table food.wasn't textural since he ate granola bars and yogurt, but not much else.

well, he just turned 6 and his diet consists of cheerios for breakfast, yogurt and a granola bar for lunch, dinner is chicken nuggets and applesauce, or more yogurt. maybe a slice of pizza. he eats no veggies, and the only fruit is a container of applesauce.

trust me, they won't starve. my ped. never wanted me to do anything about his eating either. drove me nuts... i finally just stopped getitng nuts over it. as long as he eats something, and it doesn't have to be much, i let it go. (and yes, he would totally not eat if he didn't like what was put in front of him, and he would just not care....)

now mind you, we had medical issues with low blood sugar when he was a baby so my doctor's have been fairly cautious when it comes to his eating. so as long as he ate something they didn't care what it was.

some kids just are not good eaters and you can't fight with them, and force the issue, because when you do it becomes a power sturggle and you're the one who will lose. the kid always knows when you are upset.


i know its hard, but just relax about it. jarred food isnt the end of the world. my son ate jarred food until he was 3... maybe older if it was a fruit or a veggie. at least it was something healthy in his diet. they won't be eating jarred food when they get married.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I don't know what the answer is, but I wanted to let you know that I was this child over 30 years ago, I drove my mother crazy. I would eat something once and then never again. I eventually added mac and cheese, grilled cheese and cold cereal into my routine and I pretty much existed on this for years. I did grow out of it but not until I was a teen. I hope your DD grows out of it sooner but if she doesn't, I just wanted to let you know that she will be just fine in the long run.

I know it can be so tough

P.S. I still don't eat much red meat-never did acquire a taste for it. Also, I will only eat red sauce in lasagna. Regular pasta has to be plain or with butter, go figure

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Matty and I definitely have a huge power struggle with food every day!!! I think most of his food gets eaten by the dog!!
I mix the veggies with the mac and cheese-which he will eat!
He loves fruit cups-especially clementines!! I just keep offering everything I can think of!! I just took him for his well checkup and he barely gained a pound!! The doctor said not to worry because he is drinking milk and does eat yogurt too. Also when I feed him he gets mad and won't eat-so I bought a bunch of those take and toss forks and spoons and just let him do it himself!!!
Hopefully your dd will go back to eating everything again!!!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Quite honestly, if I were you, I would only feed her things I knew she'd eat. So what if she lives on cheerios and plain yogurt for 2 weeks? Try offering her new things at every meal, but not as her main meal. This way, the pressure is off because the new food isn't the main part of her meal, so you won't stress if she doesn't eat it.
Remember that toddlers like predictability. Eating the same thing every meal and every day doesn't sound like it's appealing to you and me, but to a toddler, knowing that your meal is going to be what you are expecting, is a huge comfort.
Also, toddlers and children cannot control much in their tiny little worlds, but they can control what they do and don't eat. So, they definitely use that as a powerful tool to exert their control issues. Just keep giving her vitamins and milk everyday and feed her what you know she'll eat. Truly flavorful foods are probably overpowering for her.
Another suggestion is that if she really likes pureed foods, start pureeing some of the other foods yourself and slowly puree it less as time goes on. For example, make your own pureed carrots for her and after a week, thicken them a bit, then just mash them after another week, then mince them the next week, chop them the next week, etc. It will take some time, but the alternative is to rip your hair out, adn that's not good either.
My mother is a feeding therapist and I know that these are things she suggests for people who little ones who won't eat anything. If you want me to ask her for more specifics, let me know

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

my ds is the same age but with major gag/vomitting issues (sensory related) so every meal + snack is a 1 hour battle of the wills. my initial reaction after reading your post was that even though she does eat a variety of foods with no gag that it can be a sensory thing where something just doesn't feel right to her in her mouth. but after reading your 2nd list of foods she does like, i'm not sure now. have they done allergy testing on he? also have they checked her for reflux or her throat for irritation. i'd maybe try a GI.

i think you should def. get a e.i. eval done, even if she doesn't qualify they may be able to give you some suggestions.

i'd also cut out the jars totally and if you are really scared about her starving (what parent isn't) then switch her from milk to pediasure. kids their age should get 1000 caleries a day and each can is 250 cals. (my ds drinks 2 1/2 cals a day at this point and it calms my fears that he gets the nutrition he needs, even when he eats so little.)

all this said i think that she still eats enough things that you should just feed her that stuff to help wean her from the jars and then slowly try to add new things to the food she already likes.
even if that means mac and cheese for lunch every day.

another thing that helped with my ds is getting him special toys and books that he could only have when he ate like a big boy. it def. helps motivate him.

i know how stressful this is. it's honestly ruled my entire day since my ds was 4 months and we started purees. it's pure hell. i hope it gets better for you asap! GL!!!

Message edited 1/31/2009 10:29:44 PM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by nbc188

Posted by avamamma

Posted by KateDevine

Awwww,

Well, maybe this does fall under the EI "feeding" scope? Maybe she should be evaluated?

My only advice would be (and it probably isn't GOOD advice) is that I've always been told that they won't starve themselves and that she WILL eat eventually. But I don't know that I could take waiting itout either

I would absolutely get her evaluated.

DD is 4 1/2, and only eats a few foods, milk and water.

She was a great eater until about 2, and then she stopped eating. There were days at a time when she would only eat yogurt.

I feel your pain. I have begged, pleaded, cried and yelled. I have been to every Doctor imaginable. I have even had friends and family tell me to just put the food in front of her and let her starve- when she is hungry enough- then she will eat. Yeahhh right- they have no idea!!!!

After 2 1/2 years of this, I don't even want to step foot in my kitchen.

So you did have your daughter evaluated? Do you mind sharing what was found in the evaluations? We can FM if you want

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I don't really have much advice because Gavin is almost 10 months old.

But my Mom always told me how I would never eat. She begged and followed me around. I was her 1st, so of course she was worried. She would offer me anything, ice cream, baby food , cookies, just to get me to eat. What she learned and she passed onto me is that the child will eat when he/she is hungry.

Gavin isn't a big eater, but I try not to let it get to me. He will eat when he is hungry and as long as he is gaining weight and my ped isn't concerned, then I try not to stress.

I feel for you, I can see how stressed and upset you are. I hope it gets better. Lots of 's!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Posted by nbc188

Posted by krissy888

I don't really have too much advice, my DS is only 4 months . HOw is her weight, is she on target or underweight? I think the jarred food is her "comfort zone" right now and she likes to keep going back to it. I know it must be so frustrating for you

Thanks

She's right in the 50th% for weight, she's been there consistently since she was born-- that's another reason why her ped isn't concerned.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I am not sure if you remember, but when we were over Diana's house over the summer I was saying the same thing about DS, but he was older. It was a power struggle for us but I do think he has texturally and temperature issues but he has never been evaluated. I have given up and only give him things that he likes. He eats the same thing everyday. The only foods he eats are the following: mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, waffles, oatmeal, yogurt, apples, banana's, fruit cups, pizza sometimes, french fries, any type of bread and cheese. Their are some things I am forgetting but not much. That basically is his diet. He still drinks his soy milk everyday and has watered down juice. He manages to grow taller and put weight on every time we go to the dr. Their are days he only eats breakfast and lunch. Lunch for him is a yogurt or 2 and fruit. I also noticed that some days he eats a lot and the following day he won't eat much.

You definitely have to get rid of the jarred foods. You know that if you offer her table food and she says no that you will go right back into the kitchen and grab a jar instead of just taking her down from the high chair. It's more of a security for you than for her. I know that if I was stricter with Luka and didn't feed him what he liked he would eventually eat but he doesn't eat a lot of food at a sitting so I don't do this.

When you start caring less, she will notice and it won't be a battle. Luka will ask me he if has to eat that day

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

My kid is 3 and a terrible eater, I check to make sure each day his teeth haven't fallen out, he hasn't got rickets, and he can get out of bed and have a little play. As long as he isn't suffering from any type of malnutrition, he is fine. I say give her what she likes to eat, I don't know any 18 year olds who only eat babyfood. The penny will drop with her one day and she will eat everything.

Don't get involved with the power struggle, its not worth the aggravation. My mothering philosophy is I don't have to win all the time, sometimes the kid can win. As long as her weight is okay, and she has something to eat, she will be fine. Relax, kids are like dogs and they can smell the fear! Its a game with her, if she was hungry, she would eat...she isn't starving, so just follow her lead.

good luck!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

You arent going to like my advice.

But please understand that it does come from experience.

After years and years of playing the food game with my kids I STOPPED. When Im talking years....I mean years....When talking kids I mean KIDS..it wasnt until I met DH and I had 5 kids to deal with that I got fed up.

You dont like what I make you just dont eat....you dont get snack...you dont get dessert...NO you cant have chocolate milk....

Surprisingly Caden is my only child that has not been a picky eater. He will eat pretty much anything that I give him. If he doesnt eat it, he doesnt eat, end of story. The only time I make an exception is when he is sick (which is rare). My girls are reformed picky eaters. It took a few years to reform them but they will now eat what I cook for dinner. They might pick at it if they really dont like it...but they'll eat it.

Children are only in control of very view things in their lives...and they learn very quickly what those things are. Eating is one of them. Talking another. Using the potty another....

Im going to give you an example that is not actually food related but I think you'll get the picture....My stepdaughter is a very "shy" child. I use quotations b/c while I agree she is shy she isnt as shy as she has led everyone to believe. A few years ago when she was 3 she would not speak when spoken too. Excuses were constantly made for her that she was shy etc...As she got older the situation got worse. I felt that it was a behaviour but Mom & Dad just thought she was shy. The teachers at school said something to mom about her possibly being a mute b/c she didnt talk in school. That was when they got concerned. It was at that time that my DH was fed up. Let's stop playing games....she is a child and if an adult speaks to her she needs to answer. If she doesnt answer she is being rude. End of story. So when she was at our house we decided to look at as a manners type of thing. You speak when spoken too. There was no other option. Surprisingly enough...it is no longer an issue at our house. Sure she has her moments (she isnt really here enough) but generally speaking we dont see it....But Mom still does...

I hope all of this makes sense...and you know where Im coming from.

She's NOT going to starve herself. Trust me....She'll eat....she'll truly truly eat....but it's time to get rid of the jarred food. You already know that it's not a texture issue. Dont let her see you sweat....sit her down...offer her some meatloaf on her tray...dont bribe her dont bring attention to her eating...if she eats she eats...if she doesnt she is done...and continue like this until she realizes that this no longer an issue. She'll eat she really really will...

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Cailen goes through phases like this. We don't push it, but he doesn't get treats if he doesn't eat what we give him....

ETA - Heather, ITA 1000%

Message edited 2/1/2009 9:02:23 AM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

You already know what I'm going to say - you have to stop giving her the baby food. That's it - no more. She doesn't need it anymore. She could possibly go three days without eating but she will eventually be hungry.

If she only eats pancakes and mac and cheese - then that's all you make her for a little while. Do not drive yourself crazy - I know it is so easy for me to say, but I dreaded meal time - every meal was a battle. I gave up - if he didn't want to eat, he didn't have to. He has been doing so much better it's amazing. She knows what she can get away with from you - and she is a stubborn little girl who knows what she wants....you just can't give it to her anymore!

I know it sounds tough but you have to do it - for C and for yourself!

ETA: She seems to eat a decent variety of food - stick to it and try to introduce a new food randomly. Have you tried any of the Jessice Seinfeld recipes? What if you take jarred food and put it in the mac and cheese - or pancakes? She still won't eat it?

Message edited 2/1/2009 9:13:29 AM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I want to offer you many many ... although I haven't experienced this, my DD's cousin did (and still does)...

Just curious...is your DD very "on the go".... like constantly "on"?

This is the way her cousin is...always has been...crawling at 5 months, walking at 9 months and NEVER STOPPED...she is now 4! It was like food was the last thing on her mind...it kept her from being on the go. It is still very difficult to get her to sit and eat a meal...but which is worse, her taking a bite and running around or her not eating cause she's being forced to sit? I have no idea...

Food was always a struggle. Always. She wouldn't eat, and then to add insult to injury, she also had reaction to dairy up until she was 2...

She just didn't like the taste of anything, and like your DD, she only wanted bland carbs. The doctor wasn't concerned as long as she was eating something...but she wouldn't eat baby food..she hated the stuff.

To this day, she really only likes bland things and won't really try new things. She will eat broccoli now though, which is huge and she will eat some proteins (chicken (in nugget form), occasional meat). She will only eat pasta plain.

One thing maybe try is draining a soup to where everything stands alone, is mushy, and she can play with it....she used to eat that.

BTW...she is 4 and thriving...she is FINE...happy and healthy.

Listen - your DD is eating something, that is a good thing. May not be what we want them to eat, but she's eating. I agree with stopping the jars. True, she might not be getting her fruits and veggies, but that's why we give them vitamins. Lets face it, many of us don't like these things as adults either, but we eat them because we know we have to....kids don't like to be told they have to do anything.

Have you tried things like pediasure? Maybe in place of a milk, try that, it's loaded with the same types of vitamins...

Just keep giving her what she wants. Try those books where you can sneak veggies and fruits into things that she "might" eat but not even know those others are added...

I wish you lots of luck (sorry this was so long)...

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I've had a similar issue with my DS. I've spoken to many MDs, speech, EI evaluators, and if he has no gagging, or actual difficulty eating, there really isn't a "problem"; he's just picky.

Right now, he's going through a phase where all he wants is ham and cheese sandwiches! That's it; oh, and salad...but plain, no dressing!

A few months ago, it was just peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

My pediatrician told us to try to feed him things from all the food groups, and even if it means the same meal multiple times in the day. Definitely don't force foods, because it just won't work.

For a period of time, DS only wanted toast, bread with butter. Eventually, I'd sneak in one piece of cheese in the "toast". I'd say, "Chris, here's some toast". He'd eat it. Then a few days later I snuck in a piece of ham and still call it "toast". This seems to work for us.

I guess I'm not too freaked because I was the worst as a child....I would only eat Ramen noodles or mac n cheese for YEARS! My parents would struggle to get me to eat a piece of meat or something nutritious. I turned out fine.

Things will be ok, and there are many parents in this boat, so I hope that gives you some comfort.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Have you tried string cheese, grilled cheese, applesauce, freeze dried fruit? My son is a picky eater and those are staples in our house. The only real fruit he will eat is banana however he will eat any baby fruit. I give them to him once in a while. We also buy the Motts no sugar added applesauces in peach, strawberry and blueberry. He usually has one of those a day. HTH

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

C, I am sorry that you are going through this, but it is just a stage. I also think that we make our children's eating issues, our eating issues. We get so concerned that they aren't eating, that we drive ourselves crazy.

Many years ago, I was a nanny for a family and I had to take their toddler son to the dr. The boy wasn't eating. The dr. (who was an older (70s) ) said "He'll eat when he'll eat" I looked at him like "What?" His mother was forcing food into the boy's mouth. That wasn't working.

The reality is that your dd is eating and she is drinking. It may not be the food that you want her to be eating, but she is eating and getting some nurishment. That is all that matters!

Good Luck!

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

Awh.. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.

Do you think you can "trick" her at first, just to get the taste in her mouth? I found that the transition from Stage 3 to real food was a bit difficult. DD was use to the texture of the soft food. What I started doing was making baby food in the blender. (Actually, learned from my MIL- old school Italian way) We'd put chicken w/ peas and potatoes w/ broth and viola, she'd eat the whole thing. Maybe for your DD, you can make this and put it in a jar at first? (Just a thought) DD learned the taste of hamburger this way.

I'm sure you've exhausted your patience at this point, but hang in there, it'll get better.

Edited to remove your DD's name

Message edited 2/1/2009 9:45:10 PM.

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

I have no advice but wanted to send you some hugs....

Re: I'm really reaching the end of my sanity when it comes to DD's eating and need help- VERY, VERY long, sorry

THANK YOU everyone for your replies and advice. I want to read through each one and write down all the good tips, and try to formulate a game plan for DD.

This site is awesome