I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

He's always said that he did, even from before we got engaged, but his actions say the exact opposite. I'm so confused.

since last year, it's been "soon, but not now" and then last summer, I told him I was going of bcp and that the doctor said we could start trying in 3 months. he said ok. I went off, (TMI ALERT) and he started pulling out. I figured once the 3 months were over he'd stop. he didn't. Finally this year (jan or so), I asked, "i know you said yes, but when?", he responded "this year". I bought prenatal vitamins and started taking them. he knew but continued to pull out???? ***???
Last month was supposed to be our first official month trying. or so we had discussed but he was working 80hr weeks so we never even got to do it.

Yesterday, he was looking at pictures of our nieces and nephews and he called me upstairs to look at them. He said "aren't they the cutest? You know what I can't wait for?" I got so excited. He said "for my sister to have her baby" (she is due this summmer). I said "what about for us to have a baby?" He was silent. made a non-related joke and changed the subject.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do. when I ask if he wants to, he always tells me yes, but when it comes down to doing it, I feel like he has been sabotaging. I mean, what am I supposed to do? before s*x, say "now, honey, you can't pull out if this is going to work?" It's hard enough to get him to do it that I'm afraid saying that would just make him then not want to have s*X at all.

I'm so confused and he is very hard to talk to. He gets very uncomfortable around the subject. every conversation we've had, he has said he wanted to, but when it really comes down to it, he seems to never want to have s*x and when he does, he has been pulling out.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated but I mostly just wanted to get it off my chest.

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

I'm so sorry you are going through this...I felt that my DH was not helping at first to accomplish our goal and one night we had a heated discussion where is all came out...he was scared, thought we weren't ready, afraid that we are not financially ready as well. After our discussion things got 100% better. Now all he can think about is this it everytime we do the deed.

So my advice is to really have a deep conversation about it...if he doesn't like to talk then write him a letter and tell him you need a response...this works with DH. Another suggestion is therapy but since he doesn't feel comfortable talking about it with you it might be worse with a therapist. JMO

Good Luck

Message edited 4/11/2007 2:26:19 PM.

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

We are sort of going through the same thing...even with regard to pulling out. I know that DH wants to be a dad, it's just that when it comes right down to it, he's really nervous to have it actually happen.

It sounds like you and your DH should sit down and have a heart-to-heart about this. No pressure, just be open and completely honest about what you're both feeling. It could be something as simple as the fact that's he's scared...and who wouldn't be? It's a life-altering event!

I wouldn't lose hope just yet...if he's said in the past that he wants children (and he seems excited to have other people's children around), he most likely still wants to. Something else must be on his mind...and if he's anything like my DH, he won't tell you unless you practically beat it out of him.

Please let us know how it all turns out!!! to you!

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

I totally understand. He'll come around. I'd give it a couple more months and then REALLY sit down and get to the bottom of it...

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

I'm so sorry you are going thru this.... I dont really have anything to add to what the prior posters have already said!

Good luck!

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

My DH has been back and forth on the topic too. When we first started he was all for it. Then after a few months he didn't seem interested. Now, he is so panicked because he doesn't know how we are going to afford a baby!! He doesn't like to "talk" so I think he keeps a lot of things bottled up. He also thinks I took all of the fun out of it because I have been temping and using OPK's. So now I try not to tell him when I want sex for TTC or just for fun, that why he can try and be more relaxed about it.

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

It's good to hear that other people are going through similar things as me. My DH has also expressed fears about finances. If you can get him talking at all, it might help you get some insight into his thoughts, fears, etc.

Re: I'm starting to think DH doesn't really want to ttc

Thanks ladies. I do need to really sit down and talk to him no matter how uncomfortable it is. It definitely has a lot to do with not feeling financially and emotionally ready. I think it also has to do with the fact that he comes from such a strong, wonderful family. He's the only boy in the family and all his sisters, except one are SAHMs, and all their kids are perfect, well-behaved angels. I think he is afraid that we will not be able to raise our kids as well as they have been able to raise theirs. Especially with both of us working as much as we do. I just don't think you can make those kind of comparisons. I feel like he is setting us up for failure before even giving it a chance.