Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Today we went to a bday party for a 3 year old boy. His brother is 4 1/2. When the 3 year old started opening presents, his brother starting tearing into them as well. Then his father said OK, you can only open one of your brother's gifts. Then of course the 4 year old continued to open many more. The mom and dad did nothing. Then he reached into the gift bag I brought and pulled out one of the gifts. I was a little annoyed because now the bday boy and parents wouldn't know that was part of the gift I gave. So I told the 4 year old to put it back in the bag and he got mad. Then the dad told the 4 year old - very loudly and repeatedly - that it was OK.

Now, it really annoyed me and many other people there that the 4 year old was doing all this. I think that people took the time, effort and expense of buying gifts for the 3 year old, and its only right that we should see the 3 year old's reaction when opening the presents. They shouldn't be just torn into by the big brother. But maybe I'm being unrealistic in knowing what to expect from 3 and 4 old siblings. Thoughts?

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Well kids are unpredictable,and although Im shocked that the older one was acting like this,having 3 boys, I will never say never

But causing chaos at gift-opening time is NOT acceptable for me! NO WAY.
I do let them slide with some things to avoid a fit, but Im completely on your side with this one. I let the sibling or even cousins HELP with opening gifts, maybe give me the card, but we open ONE gift at a time and one only.
if anyone even touches another box they hear it from me, my sister or their dad

I like my kids to also know who got them what so that when they play with it or wear it, we think of that person, or thank them again when we see them or call them, or wear something when I know we'll be seeing them, etc.

a few times, things have gotten confused and I feel terrible when there are things in question of who got them.

Message edited 11/24/2007 8:58:59 PM.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Personally I am with you. I would not have the older sibling or younger sibling (depending on whose birthday it was at the time) open the others gifts. They can help by handing the gifts to the other or doing it together, but I wouldn't allow that scenrio.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

I think it's rude. When we are at events where there are gifts and Sarah wants to open them, I explain (repeatedly) that they aren't for us and that if asked we can help but for now we get to watch. So far that's worked well, we've been to 2 showers as well as Andy's birthday and she hung back.

But she's only 2.5 and pretty obedient. I don't know how they will be at those ages.

I should add that I've let our families know I'm not a fan of giving her a gift on his birthday and vice versa. I think it's important that they learn that there won't always be gifts for them, and that's ok.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Well I can see it being a problem for thank you note purposes - how will they know who sent what? I think it might be hard to explain to a 4 year old that he is not supposed to open his brother's presents, but the parents should still try because it is not going to stop next year.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

All I have to say is good luck to the parents when they have to write thankyou's!

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

I think this is why every party we have been to, gifts aren't opened when guests are there. It's too chaotic and must be a nightmare to write thank you cards not knowing who gave what.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Posted by anna

Well kids are unpredictable,and although Im shocked that the older one was acting like this,having 3 boys, I will never say never

But causing chaos at gift-opening time is NOT acceptable for me! NO WAY.
I do let them slide with some things to avoid a fit, but Im completely on your side with this one. I let the sibling or even cousins HELP with opening gifts, maybe give me the card, but we open ONE gift at a time and one only.
if anyone even touches another box they hear it from me, my sister or their dad

I like my kids to also know who got them what so that when they play with it or wear it, we think of that person, or thank them again when we see them or call them, or wear something when I know we'll be seeing them, etc.

a few times, things have gotten confused and I feel terrible when there are things in question of who got them.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Not only is it rude, I think it is being irresponsible as a parent. They aren't helping that little 4 year old by letting him have a free-for-all at his brother's party. I believe that children do need boundaries and need to be taught how to act. That child has been shown neither.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

DS helped open most of DD's presents at her last b-day..... however, she was 1, and he was 4. When DD is 3, DS is not diving in and opening all her presents. Most of the parties we had for DC, everyone chipped in, but it was one present at a time, and we had the videocamera going, so I would read the card and have DC hold it up to the camera so we could go back later and see who gave what.

Most parties don't have the present opening at the party because of the chaos, and also most are timed events. If you have a place for 1.5-2 hours, you don't want to spend 30 minutes opening presents.


ETA: oh, yeah... I agree with you.... "helping" is one thing, but opening them all on your own when they aren't yours isn't right.

Message edited 11/25/2007 7:13:21 AM.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

I agree 100% with Anna. It's rude. I wouldn't let me kids get away with it either.

Message edited 11/25/2007 9:42:42 AM.

Re: Is this rude? (esp. for Moms of more than 1)

Thanks for your opinions everyone.

I should add that it was a small family party at their house. There weren't a ton of kids there, so I guess that's why they opened presents. None of the other kids touched the gifts. It was only the older brother carrying on.

And here's something I didn't include in my original post - after the gifts were opened, the older brother opened a toy and started playing with it. The bday boy started crying and the dad just said "your brother is playing with that toy now. Go find another one". I just felt so bad for the bday boy.