Is your DH supportive?

Sometimes I feel like I am all on my own with this... I told him yesterday how I felt, that it seemed to me that he didn't even want a baby - he never asks me how things are going with the meds and has never offered to come to a dr. appointment with me... I told him if he didn't want a baby I didn't want to be going through all this for no reason, and he said he did want one.. Maybe its his own way of dealing with our infertility issues?

Re: Is your DH supportive?

I am very fortunate and have a very supportive DH. He has been there every step of the way for me. He gives me my shots and is always asking me what he can do for me.
I would suggest that you continue to talk to your dh. There maybe a reason why he is acting the way he's acting (he's scared, feels guilty) and doesn't know how to express it. Continue to let him know what you need from him.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My DH is pretty supportive. He comes to all of the appointments that he can and will even speak to the doctors himself if he has questions. He knows I carry the burden of our fertility issues even though we are in a partnership. He felt bad that I had to go through procedures, surgeries and tests in order for us to be parents when all he has to do is "do his thing in a cup" (his words). He knows it weighs heavy on me and that it is a 24/7 thought process. He reminds me that good things happen to/for good people and until or unless we are told we can't have kids, he will believe that we will. I am blessed.

However, I should mention that he used the light at the end of the exam table at the IUI as a light saber before the doctor came in. Then after IUI, he sang the exact words in my avatar title. It was better than "Surrey with a Fringe on Top" I guess.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Yeah, I feel like, just give me the sperm and I will take it from there Like, when I am sad that I YET AGAIN got a BFN, he is like, aww sorry. Am I the only one hoping for one?

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My dh is supportive, but very intimidated my the entire thought. I think he hates that eveything has to be so planned and definate, but he is alwasy there for appointments and when I need a good cry.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

most do suck,my dh sucks too!!!

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Yes. I'm lucky in that my husband is extremely supportive. This whole process can seem so lonely, so I think its so important to go through it together. Maybe your husband just doesn't know how to show his support. Would it be helpful to tell him what you need from him?

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My DH is supportive, but it is hard for him to come to my apts b/c of work, and honestly it does bother me. I feel like I am the one who always is taking days off. I get upset when I see other girls with their husbands in the waiting room.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Mine is very supportive although he hasn't been able to make it to a lot of appointments. He is only in his first year at his new job so I really do understand. Besides, if it wasn't for this job we wouldn't be doing IVF so the good outweighs the bad.
Sometimes, he gets more upset than I do at the negatives and I feel bad cuz it's me that is the problem, but he never ever feels that way.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Very! With out him i would be lost....

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My DH is supportive but he is a man and they say silly things sometimes. He gets frustrated the same way I do...and sad when we get a BFN.
It took a while for us to be able to talk about our frustrations together...we used to get angry in our own way and then take it out on each other...thats changed now.
I think your DH cares but he is expressing it differently. Sometimes their silence is their way of coping with the frustration with TTC with infertility issues. Hang in there.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

thanks everyone... I think I did get through to him yesterday, he asked me today how I was feeling..
we are just starting on this journey, and hopefully it won't be long, but I need him to be there if it is.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Yes very, he comes to every appointment with me and takes it all very seriously. It might just be the way your DH is dealing with it, maybe try talking to him about it?

Re: Is your DH supportive?

Mine is very supportive. We've been at this for over 2 1/2 y, though. In the beginning I didn't think he got how much I am going through with the meds and the zillion appts., preocedures, etc. But slowly he came around. No two people deal with things the same way. I realized he was dealing his own way and me mine, which was much more verbal since I was being forced to face things head on. He's come to some appointments at the RE and offers to come to more, but I always tell him that I don't want to be there, why should he have to sit for hours in the waiting room like I do. But the fact that he will is what counts with me.
We had a long talk earlier this week about our IF. He said that he keeps a lot in because he knows how much I am going through and he doesn't want to dump anything else on me. It was a great talk.
Then yesterday he gave me a card and a Precious Moment that said 'Thank You' on it. He said thank you for all that I am doing for 'us'. He is a very thoughtful person in general, but this made all my struggles this week worth it.
I, too, felt at the beginning he may not want a baby because he seemed disinterested. It wasn't so. Your DH may just be processing this all at a slower pace. Hang on, it does get better (if anything could possibly get better with IF).
Oh, and he does give me my injections now and says thank you when he's done.

Message edited 6/28/2007 7:18:51 AM.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

I think my DH is as supportive as he can be. Some men just look @ things in such a different way. Mine is convinced he's there as the support for when I loose it-- and to "do his thing in the cup" also.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My DH is very supportive. Actually, he feels horrible because he is one with problems. I know he feels horrible and feels like he's failing us. However, we both support and encourage each other.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My DH wasn't very good with this as well! On the whole he is not very emotional to begin with. I remember lashing out at him about this very thing. I really think that many men just don't know how to deal with infertility issues. They can't imagine what the emotional roller coaster is like each month when we get the BFN.

What I have found greatly helpful is reaching out to the women here and talking to one of my good friends!

Good Luck to you both!

Message edited 6/29/2007 8:11:20 PM.

Re: Is your DH supportive?

My husband is Very Supportive now but this wasnt always the case. Also, I think sometimes men do not know how to react and deal with IF. In the beginning of our journey, I felt as if I were alone in this whole process. He finally realized I needed his support when I was at my Wit's end and yelled and cried to him. I think it scared him b/c ever since then, he has been very supportive. The OP mentioned about her DH feeling intimidated about the process. Well, my DH expressed that he wished he knew more about the process to be more supportive. I explained to him at length about it. When we went to our first RE's appt., I was pleasantly surprised how knowledgable he was about the whole process.

I think there is a breaking pt. at which our DH's become more involved and supportive. They have no choice! Ha Ha We need their swimmers at which at that point they'll need our support!

Message edited 7/1/2007 9:08:49 AM.