Issue with a so called friend

Ok, so I have this so called friend I've known all my life. She has always been a me person. Personally, I'm kinda over it and don't wish to concern myself with her, but she called me just know. Just to give you a backround,

she missed our friends daughter's 1st bday with no RSVP or nothing (even though she was SOOO into her when she was born).

she's never been to my new place, nor even acted happy for me when we got it (its our first home and it was almost a year ago).

she showed no signs of compassion when DH's grandmother passed away (actually didn't even ackowledge it and I told her in a message)

she is a tri-athlete and only cares about that. All of us have been to her races, but she doesn't do the same for big things in our lives.

She was a living h**l to my sister (my MOH) through planning my wedding. She was a bridesmaid and to this day still owes money to my little sister.

What I'm debating is should I just come out with it and tell her all this stuff instead of being short and always telling her I'm busy. I really don't want to talk to her. PS, my friend's daughter's bday was a week ago, so its not like she's trying to make up for mistakes she made in the past.

Thanks Kerry

Re: Issue with a so called friend

toughie--maybe you should just tell her that you need to talk and get everything out in the open and see what happens. either she'll be very defensive and huffy or she'll listen and try and change.


but its probably best to just let her know whats up so that you don't feel bad about constantly saying "sorry can't talk"

Re: Issue with a so called friend

I would distance myself from her. She will deny that she is a "me" person or start to get defensive and point out "flaws" that you have and you will both be extremely hurt. I know you want to get off your chest what has bothered you about her but i don't think it's the best way to go about this. It really does sound like she only cares about herself.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

I had the same friend as you. We are no longer friends however. She and I have known each other since we were 8 years old and I just put my foot down one day and called her out on everything she's done when she started messing with my sister (we're very close in age so we are in the same circle).

I've come to a point in my life where as far as friends go, quality of friends the freinds I keep is something I'd rather have over quantity. It's sad because we have history but I couldn't be friends with someone who was constantly trying to pull me down, especially now that I have kids.

Good luck! I know how difficult it is.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

Did you discuss these issues when they happened? If not...

Honestly, I'd just cut off the friendship without saying all that. Coming out with ALL of this now, when each situation should have been dealt with when it happened or immediately after, won't serve to be constructive at all.

If you don't want to be friends with her anymore, then say so... but if you didn't address these concerns when they happened, I wonder what good it would be to address them now.

While there is not any excuse for what she's done from what you've said, if these things bothered you when they happened, something should have been said then.

Message edited 12/12/2007 10:33:11 AM.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

Re: Issue with a so called friend

I would just let the friendship go without any fanfare or confrontations. It doesn't sound like you want to continue the relationship so there's no point in rehashing the past. It would just be a waste of energy.

Message edited 9/2/2009 10:12:16 AM.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

Posted by BabyCote2006

Posted by kerrycec03
She was a bridesmaid and to this day still owes money to my little sister.

You HAVE GOT TO BE FRIGGIN KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn't realize T was STILL out $$ over that!

I think she is a load of crap. Alllllll of a sudden she has time on her hands and wants to "do dinner"

pyss off!

Re: Issue with a so called friend

If it were me - instead of skirting around it I would tell her exactly how I was feeling - it doesn't matter if she gets defensive - it doesn't sound to me like you want to keep this friendship going - so really you have nothing to lose.

Thats just me though - I like to get things off my chest or else things eat at me.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

i have a "friend" like this too. only she's my sil.

instead of dwelling on the past, i would call her out on the things that happen in the NOW. it's so hard being the bigger person and always trying to give the benefit of the doubt; i know, i struggle with it myself.

it's just such bad energy having people around that pull you down. if this relationship means a lot to you, then really try to communicate your frustrations with her actions, without saying "you were wrong b/c of xxx." instead say, "i was hurt b/c you did this and this. i'm trying to understand the meaning behind your actions."
if this relationship isn't worth it to you, let it go and don't look back.

i would let go of my relationship with this "friend" of mine, only she's my family now, and it's important to me b/c of DH to be civil.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

Message edited 12/12/2007 11:04:25 AM.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

I think it's time to just let this one go. Avoid her calls and eventually she should catch on.

If it's really bothering you, I suppose you could say something to her but it kind of sounds like you're not going to get anywhere with her.

It does suckk when friends continually blow off your invitations to get together and then when THEY finally have time they chime in like nothing has happened.

She doesn't sound like much of a friend.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

This seems fairly simple, if you don't want to bother with her, then don't. - It doesn't sound like you want her friendship anyway -

People grow up and apart and lives and priorities change. - She may very well be a "me' person, she may revlove her life aruond her training, and if it bothers you that much, then the two of you are probably not compatiable as friends anymore. -


As for the 1st Bday party - Does she have kids? - Most of my single friends avoid that type fo thing like the plague, and I don't really blame them -
I'm married w/o any kids yet and I don't want to go to those things..... I do, but I don't LIKE it !! -

And your DH's grandmother's death, she should have at least acknowledged, but again, I wouldn't expect my friends to make an effort for my DH's grandmother - if they did it would be a very nice and appreciated gesture, but definitely not an expected one. -

I don't know the whole situation, and I'm sure there's much more to it than your OP _ but just to play devil's advocate, YOU'RE looking at it as "oh, now that she has nothing better to do, she's calling me to hang out" ........well, maybe SHE's looking at it as " I have some free time, let me catch up with my old friend" .........

But again, if you don't want her friendship, just don't bother ....... -

Re: Issue with a so called friend

Kerry and Katie, I think she pretty much answered all your doubts about your friendship with her when she didn't show to Leah's party. Now you both know where you stand at this point.

As far as confronting her about it, I don't know what good that will do. It won't fix what she is done. I personally, would just stop calling her back when she calls and she will eventually get the hint. Saying something to her, will probably only hurt you guys more.

If you feel you need to get it off your chest, then go for it! And see what she has to say about it.

What's done is done, I know it must be hard since you were such good friends with her.

Re: Issue with a so called friend

We are sorry that you have to go through this. I would just let it go. You need a major break from this called friend. She needs to realize what she has done or the lack of what she has done. So, do not bother speaking with her for a while. Until she understands what she has and or has not done.

~dancer and chef~
charlotte and michael