There is Nothing I can say, nothing at all that will help, but my heart breaks for you and I know you dont even want that, I just wish I could ease your pain.
I really hope you can lean on your friends while you recover from this, because its such a hard time and you are NOT alone.
I'm so sorry - I checked back here to see how you did b/c i think we were cycling around the same time. I'm so sorry - IF sucks. Sending you many hugs.