It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Emotionally I am at a braking point. Juggling being a mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister and family member is starting to get to me. Thank goodness DH is amazing and helps me out so much. But for the last couple of days I just want to crawl under a rock and cry.

Pumping is starting to stress me out. Because DS now eats in the mornings every hour I only have the afternoon to pump. Which doesn't leave me much for the freezer supply. I've used up most of what was there already so now I'm wondering if I will ever have enough of a supply when I go back to work. I am trying to hold off on giving DS formula for as long as possible and it is really upsetting me that I may not have enough BM for DS when I go back to work. :( It doesn't help that my cousin's wife whose DS is a month older than mine is pumping like a maniac, while her DS eats all the time and also having a 3 year old.

I'm stressing out about going back to a job that is awful... My friends tell me it is terrible and try to do my best to find another job. That was my plan all along but in this economy attorneys are taking paralegal jobs. So how can I find another job??? I will have no choice but to go to a job that is extremely stressful and which I hate. And I soooo wish I could be a SAHM. Financially we can't do it. :(

I am being criticized for the things that I don't do (make our bed, clean the bathroom...) every time one of my mother's family members comes over. I go 2 or 3 days without taking a shower because I don't have time. what makes you think I am going to make my bed?!?!? Again, cousin's wife who apparently is Wonder Woman and does it all can handle these simple chores but I can't.

Normally I wouldn't care what my mother's family thought of me but now I feel like they see me as a bad mother and a failure. Like I can't juggle all the jobs that I should be doing. When I mentioned I would love to stay home and not work, someone says you must like being lazy! W-T-F does that mean?! No BEEATCH!! I said no I want to spend every minute I can with my son! They compare me to cousin's wife and now I'm wondering will I ever be able to handle being a mother of 2 possibly 3 children and all the other balls I have to juggle?

I also feel like I have no friends to talk to about what I'm going through since having the baby. Most of my friends are done having children and their kids are 2+ years old. There is no one I can talk to that can relate. I am trying to find a local group for new moms so I can make some friends and DS can have playmates.

Yesterday was not a good day :( I have a great support system with DH, my parents and ILs but yesterday it really hit me hard. Between seeing my mother's family, getting a call from a co-worker, and DS glued to my boobs all morning and part of the afternoon I was miserable. I know it will get better and easier... I just had to let this all out. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

Message edited 1/7/2010 10:58:23 AM.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

ok. First. Efffff your mom's friends and family members. Unless they're making your bed and taking care of your child, they can shove it.

I hate hearing about people letting other people's retarded comments get them down. Good for Wonder woman- let her go on with her bad self. You have your own family and your own way of doing things. Im sure there's more to the story, there's always more to the story. Really, don't pay them any mind. I could probably count on both hands how many times i've made my bed in the last 10 years. And really... if they made the comment to me about my bed being messy, i'd turn the awkward feeling around on them and tell them that "its so hard to keep a neat bed when you're having crazy animalistic sex in it all the time." Yeah, efff them

I understand about going back to a crappy job. And i had the same- coworkers saying how much worse it got. But honestly, even if it does suck, i really do believe that the anxiety of going back (and the thought of how horrible it is) usually is worse than actually going back itself. Its crappy and in an ideal world we'd all have the ability to make whatever decision we wanted to, but its really not SO bad... and it does get easier with time. There are SO many things i hate about my job, i also work in an extremely stressful environment, and there are actually nights where i'm practically skipping out the door to go to work I never would have thought i'd be saying that!

As for pumping- BF is SO stressful. Cut yourself some slack. I lasted 10 days and that was more than enough for me. Formula was the right route for our family and i was the happiest person ever when we completely switched to formula. I dont want to push it on you (there may be some other BF-ers/pumpers that have more hints in that area), but we've had such a great experience with formula... i felt like a completely different person when we made the complete switch. Give yourself options. You'll hear this over and over again but there's just so much truth to it... Happy mom= Happy baby. Make the changes that you need to in order to make yourself happy... everything else will follow suit.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Screw anyone who wants to put you down. Seriously how could someone judge a new mother for not making the bed? Don't they have better things to do with their time. Send them to my house, I never make the bed and have no problem telling them off.

Breastfeeding and pumping is super hard and not right for everyone. If you find you need to give a bottle of formula to regain some sanity and get some sleep, it will not harm your baby at all.

As for your super hero family member, I can't imagine it is easy for her to live up to the expectations that are put on her on that pedestal either. No one is perfect and those who appear to be are typically not very happy or as perfect as they seem. Keeping up that appearance is difficult.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

I just got this in an email if you're interested

As many of you know, Forfeiture Support Associates ("FSA"), www.forfeituresupport.com, provides support services for our Asset Forfeiture Unit. In case you know anybody who might be interested, FSA has openings for two attorney positions in support of our AF Unit. Requirements include a law degree, admission to the Bar, and two years' legal experience. US citizenship is required. The duties include legal research and writing; drafting forfeiture documents, including civil forfeiture complaints, applications for restraining orders, seizure warrant affidavits, etc.; discovery; responding to forfeiture motions; updating and maintaining Asset Forfeiture shared directory with current law. As noted, the positions are with FSA; FSA benefits include medical/dental/vision insurance and 401(k) and other benefits. The salary is about $90K. Please pass this on to any qualified attorneys you think might be interested. Applicants can call Lesley Glenn, our FSA Operations Supervisor, at 212 637-1066, for more information, or send her a resume and cover letter at [email protected]

ETA: I understand feeling the pressure to "do it all." sometimes you just can't. tell them to get the eff out of your room!

Message edited 1/7/2010 11:53:40 AM.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Taking care of a newborn is so tough, especially when you're the only one who could feed him. It sounds like he may be going through a growth spurt. How's your supply when you pump? Make sure you're drinking plenty of water and getting enough calories. To increase your supply, you can eat oatmeal and take More Milk Plus and/or Mother's Milk Tea.

As far as housework, that completely went out the window on my maternity leave. I barely had time to shower much less clean anything. DS was nusring a lot and wanted to be held constantly. If I had any time to myself, it was going to be to sleep to eat, not clean. If people are giving you a hard time, they're a$$holes. They either don't have kids or forget what's it like to take care of a newborn.

As far as the job hunt, can you contact a headhunter or just send out resumes to some firms? It's so tough trying to find a job in this economy, but it's always better to look for a job while you still have one. Does your law school offer any career services help for alumni? Have you been checking sites like lawjobs.com? I know it sucks going to a job you hate. I hope you can find something better soon.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Please, I am begging you to stop beating yourself up and f your family and their comments. I am so sick of hearing people make comments on how other people parent, clean, work, do their hair whatever. I totally agree with ALL the Neenie said- f them.

As for the formula issue- I finally put my son on formula full time when I went back to work since I could only pump an oz or two. Did I feel awful? yes, but please, if you need to- its not the end of the world to supplement with it. You will still have a healthy, wonderful baby- promise!

We love you and think you are amazing- be happy you have a supportive DH- that is worth EVERYTHING in my opinion!

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Thanks everybody. Thank you for saying it like it is.

Neenie- I lol while reading your post.

I normally don't give a crap what anyone says about me but I think I was so physically worn out yesterday that once my family started talking it just affected me in the worst way.

I updated my resume today and even sent it out for a position posted on craigslist. BTW I'm a paralegal not an attorney. I should have been clearer in my message. At my current firm there are lawyers who were hired as temp law clerks. So I know the job market is not great. Thanks for reminding me about lawjobs.com. I have to update my information asap on there.

As far as pumping thanks to Jess and her post that she was pumping, feeding Luce and eating at the same time, I didn't even think to pump while feeding DS! I started doing that this morning and what a difference!! I produce a lot of milk and eat oatmeal and mother's milk tea. I just don't want to be slave to the pump. But pumping and feeding at the same time definitely cuts down on some of the pumping time. DS has been on this growth spurt for over 4 days. I just hope it stops soon because once he gets his shots I want to be able to go out with him and I can't do that if I have to take out my boob every hour!

Thanks again girls for the advice.

Re: It's all beginning to hit me and I am feeling depressed

Posted by Ophelia

I just got this in an email if you're interested

As many of you know, Forfeiture Support Associates ("FSA"), www.forfeituresupport.com, provides support services for our Asset Forfeiture Unit. In case you know anybody who might be interested, FSA has openings for two attorney positions in support of our AF Unit. Requirements include a law degree, admission to the Bar, and two years' legal experience. US citizenship is required. The duties include legal research and writing; drafting forfeiture documents, including civil forfeiture complaints, applications for restraining orders, seizure warrant affidavits, etc.; discovery; responding to forfeiture motions; updating and maintaining Asset Forfeiture shared directory with current law. As noted, the positions are with FSA; FSA benefits include medical/dental/vision insurance and 401(k) and other benefits. The salary is about $90K. Please pass this on to any qualified attorneys you think might be interested. Applicants can call Lesley Glenn, our FSA Operations Supervisor, at 212 637-1066, for more information, or send her a resume and cover letter at [email protected]

ETA: I understand feeling the pressure to "do it all." sometimes you just can't. tell them to get the eff out of your room!